Back again and ashamed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 54
Back again and ashamed
Hi everyone.
I joined years ago trying to quit alcohol and I didn't. I've been in such denial. I'm a weekend partyer who always takes it too far. Everyone else wants water, I want more booze. I'll buy other people drinks so they keep up with me. I like the social lubrication. I look around for who can drive me home.
Last weekend was Mardi Gras and I said "well that's enough for a month" and then sure enough last night, one drink at a friend's house led to $100 at the bar. Made a fool of myself. I need to quit completely and not look back.
I haven't hit "rock bottom" yet and I'm afraid I will at some point. I can't drink moderately.
Fortunately I have no urge when by myself. I'd be sober if isolated.
I browse forums like this when I'm hung over/tired and forget about it when I'm okay again. I have to stick to it. I'm 25 btw.
I joined years ago trying to quit alcohol and I didn't. I've been in such denial. I'm a weekend partyer who always takes it too far. Everyone else wants water, I want more booze. I'll buy other people drinks so they keep up with me. I like the social lubrication. I look around for who can drive me home.
Last weekend was Mardi Gras and I said "well that's enough for a month" and then sure enough last night, one drink at a friend's house led to $100 at the bar. Made a fool of myself. I need to quit completely and not look back.
I haven't hit "rock bottom" yet and I'm afraid I will at some point. I can't drink moderately.
Fortunately I have no urge when by myself. I'd be sober if isolated.
I browse forums like this when I'm hung over/tired and forget about it when I'm okay again. I have to stick to it. I'm 25 btw.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I can't drink moderatley, either. Never saw the point of it.
I did hit bottom. Many times, but I bounced, and went back for more misery
I, too, joined here years agao. Six, I think, and I've been sober for three years.
I was also in denial. I drank to feel like what I thought other people felt like. It escalated until I was drinking every day. So it's good to realize you may have a problem at such a young age. I wish I would have been so wise.
Save your the 27 years of misery I went through and stop now.
It may be hard, and you may need support but it can be done.
Best to you.
I did hit bottom. Many times, but I bounced, and went back for more misery
I, too, joined here years agao. Six, I think, and I've been sober for three years.
I was also in denial. I drank to feel like what I thought other people felt like. It escalated until I was drinking every day. So it's good to realize you may have a problem at such a young age. I wish I would have been so wise.
Save your the 27 years of misery I went through and stop now.
It may be hard, and you may need support but it can be done.
Best to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 54
Thanks. My dad was an abusive drunk, hocking jewelry to drink. I've always justified by saying I've never gotten to that level.
Even last night at the bar, I had a moment of drunk clarity: "What have I done? Again? Seriously?" as someone was talking to me. I made this face of dread and my friend asked what was wrong.
Even last night at the bar, I had a moment of drunk clarity: "What have I done? Again? Seriously?" as someone was talking to me. I made this face of dread and my friend asked what was wrong.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Hi Math,
I never really hit a rock bottom. It was more just a slow motion painful sad up and down existence. Always knowing I deserved better but just never could live it. Very sad way to live really. Eventually, I had to get real with the fact I was just going to live a sad existence and maybe worse if I didn't change. Who knows. I can't predict the future.
However, my life at the time was actually pretty pathetic. Really? I want to live making an ass of myself even if was just a few times a week? Once is actually one too many times for most people.
I had to choose. I couldn't have it both ways. It was either figure out how to live without alcohol or continue on living a sub existence. I was lucky I still was at the point I had a choice in all reality.
I don't drink alcohol. It's just a stupid substance that offers absolutely nothing. If some dumb thought pops in my head that says there is something it offers, I just pause and tell myself, really? It says I'm not fun or can't be social and have a great time doing whatever I want and not make an ass of myself?? Really? Its a big fat liar.
It needs me more than I need it. Without me it just sits in it's bottle cage collecting fruit flies turning to vinegar till it gets dumped down the drain never to be seen again. It ain't even unique. Mass produced like pennies at Fort Knox.
You come along once. Never to be made again.
You can do it! Welcome!
I never really hit a rock bottom. It was more just a slow motion painful sad up and down existence. Always knowing I deserved better but just never could live it. Very sad way to live really. Eventually, I had to get real with the fact I was just going to live a sad existence and maybe worse if I didn't change. Who knows. I can't predict the future.
However, my life at the time was actually pretty pathetic. Really? I want to live making an ass of myself even if was just a few times a week? Once is actually one too many times for most people.
I had to choose. I couldn't have it both ways. It was either figure out how to live without alcohol or continue on living a sub existence. I was lucky I still was at the point I had a choice in all reality.
I don't drink alcohol. It's just a stupid substance that offers absolutely nothing. If some dumb thought pops in my head that says there is something it offers, I just pause and tell myself, really? It says I'm not fun or can't be social and have a great time doing whatever I want and not make an ass of myself?? Really? Its a big fat liar.
It needs me more than I need it. Without me it just sits in it's bottle cage collecting fruit flies turning to vinegar till it gets dumped down the drain never to be seen again. It ain't even unique. Mass produced like pennies at Fort Knox.
You come along once. Never to be made again.
You can do it! Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Welcome back, mathmajor. I hear you; moderation never, ever worked for me. Hope you can make sobriety stick this time. We'll help you along the way.
I envy your "username"; mathmajor - how I wish. "25" - again, how I wish - I wish I had stopped drinking at that age - could've have spared myself such misery.
I envy your "username"; mathmajor - how I wish. "25" - again, how I wish - I wish I had stopped drinking at that age - could've have spared myself such misery.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
It's just my opinion, but I believe you will need to do something dramatically different than what you have been doing in order to get off the merry-go-round. You say you can't drink moderately and you describe drinking alcoholically.
Hitting a bottom makes it easier for people to quit because they don't want the same negative consequences, or something even worse to happen. Is that what you want to help you to quit? If so, then IMO it's just a matter of time before you get there, and the bottom might be something truly awful which cannot be undone. I hope you don't have to go there. Quitting without all those consequences is a different kind of difficult, but all things considered, much less painful.
Please note the signature line below. I think you might appreciate it more than most.
Take care
Hitting a bottom makes it easier for people to quit because they don't want the same negative consequences, or something even worse to happen. Is that what you want to help you to quit? If so, then IMO it's just a matter of time before you get there, and the bottom might be something truly awful which cannot be undone. I hope you don't have to go there. Quitting without all those consequences is a different kind of difficult, but all things considered, much less painful.
Please note the signature line below. I think you might appreciate it more than most.
Take care
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Welcome back. Don't bash yourself needlessly.
Make a plan, It must include lots of support like here on SR and lifestyle changes. Question everything, even friends.
Get up and kick this thing to the curb. ;-)
Make a plan, It must include lots of support like here on SR and lifestyle changes. Question everything, even friends.
Get up and kick this thing to the curb. ;-)
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