AuntieSoso

When you got sober, did you formally break up with any friends? Why? How did you do it? What did you say? Do you regret it? Did you return to the friendship eventually?

Looking4Help123

Well I have just begun but I have had to do that already. I didn't break up but they invited me out. I texted them only - couldn't have done it over the phone or face to face - and said that I had given up drinking and it would be a bad thing to go out.

I didn't know how else to do it but I had to be honest. I guess its only a half way break up but they will get the same message next time if they ask again.

Aarryckha

I think you'll find if you just politely decline going out with them when invited, they just tend to go away by themselves.

AuntieSoso

This is a deeper friendship than just going out for drinks - an explanation for wanting to separate myself is needed. I know it is what I need to do, and it is what I want to do, but I'm a wuss about difficult conversations and my disengagement will be hurtful, I'm sure.

kcvalentine

I think it depends on the relationship. I'm friends with drinkers and it's fun to see them. I waited several months to socialize in party settings when I first started my recovery because I wasn't ready to test the waters. Now it's not an issue at all. But I did have some friendships where the entire relationship centered around getting wasted together. Really ugly stuff. Those friendships naturally ceased to exist after I stopped drinking. I couldn't keep those fires lit even if I wanted. I've found that people who are deep in the throes of addiction don't want to hang out with sober folks much...it just reminds them too much of their own battles. Time and distance have a beautiful way of sorting out issues with friends. xo