pinkbutterfly

Getting so frustrated. Can't get on the chat haven't for like a long time, I couldn't even get on this website with my old name so I had to create a new one, but still won't let me on. I've been in relapse mode for 9 months cycling in and out and this website really helped the first time I cleaned up but now it's not helping, it's so frustrating I hate this. Getting so frustrated I want to drink again.

PurpleKnight

Hey, what browser are you using? chrome on a mac for example doesn't seem to work with chat, but you may be using something different?

. . . and have you downloaded the latest version of Java, that's always my problem with getting onto chat after a long gap of not using it!!

java.com: Java + You

least

Drinking again won't get rid of the frustration, it will only add more. If you drink you'll be living up to your name - failure - and it will bring you misery. What kind of support do you have for getting and staying sober? Have you considered AA or another program of recovery? What about counseling? Support is crucial to recovery. I hope the support here can help you stop drinking.

pinkbutterfly

I'm using internet explorer on windows 8 I downloaded the new java. It seems like everything I do fails. Was in residential treatment got kicked out for using even though I dont' know how stuff got in my system. that was a month ago. When I got kicked I went on a drinking bender for three days then smartened up, and then yesterday got triggered drank a lot today drank a bit and been trying to fight the urge off. Was in a day program but got kicked out cause I drank, yet I haven't drank enough to go back to detox. SO my head is going well drink more so you can go back to detox, I'm also trying to get back into treatment but taking time and i'm mad because I still don't understand why I got kicked out in the first place. This week I went to a recovery type meeting 5 times this week but apparently not enough I'm just a big fat failure.

zombiegirl

Right stop it!!!! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and sober up.
Ur using silly excuses ie can't get online to drink
Your on here for a reason now let's sort it.
Some of us have failed and failed but kept on trying now it's your turn.
so what if you can't get on chat you can come on here as we all reply pretty quickly.

You are not a failure so chin up and get on with sorting yourself out once and for all

pinkbutterfly

Well I managed to keep sober the rest of the night. Feeling sick and shaky today but it makes sense. I know I need to not drink again. I don't know why I keep cycling though. I feel sick but that's normal. Going over to a safe friends house today hoping that will help. Called someone last night and talked to them. So exhausted it's crazy.

Goldcoastgirl

Let's us know how you are today. Hope you can get some peace inside from the turmoil x

PurpleKnight

Did the Java download work?!!

Hope your doing alright!!

pinkbutterfly

I got on the chat!! yippeeee! Today better now official have one day Going to a meeting tonight. I spent from 1 till 5 doing artz stuff with a friend it was awesome.

zombiegirl

Good for u ur sounding a lot more positive xxx

PurpleKnight

Who knew Java could make or break a day!!

Seriously though your sounding in a better place!! . . . keep pushing through! you can do this!!

least

I'm glad you're feeling better.

pinkbutterfly

Thanks, got to the meeting tonight, it was awesome and I made a realization, I think I know why I keep relapsing, in some ways I'm more addicted to the rush of finding the substance then actually using. I have this cycle where I will drink/use for a couple days then be like this is not fun why am I do this, get back on track only to want to use again and plan it plan my sneaking out of the house, how to get to the place. How to get what I want and then I get it and it's like what that was not what I expected. It's like I have so high expectations and they are never fulfilled.