RobbyRobot

Yeah. Quitting drinking eventually becomes more something we've done and less something we're doing. That's a good thing, but not without its own set of new responsibilities. As we change, we also yet still resist change. As we enjoy our new freedoms we also become more aware of our challenges to not despair, not give up on ourselves, not cave to the burdens of our troubles. As we appreciate our early efforts we also wonder does it have to be this difficult? This challenging? This drawn out?

Early sobriety is not the same as a well settled and mature sobriety. It took two years for me to really understand the differences. I was really a mess in early sobriety. More then I had realised in my first few months.

I was just under two years when I elected to have my right foot amputated so that I could walk more properly with an artificial foot. Decades later, forced by unendurable pain and other medical complications, I elected to bid farewell to my entire right leg but not to walk this time but simply to have a chance at a better quality of life. My challenges at two years sobriety for my foot seemed greater then the challenges at 30 years sobriety for the loss of my leg and the reality of using my wheelchair more and more. This means that to me I have a huge say in how I internalise my challenges. Sobriety continually changes me for the better it is abundantly clear to me. My original quit has never failed to amaze me. My quit started it all. Life is good today because I quit so many yesterdays ago. Challenges come and go in my life. Change is a constant staple on my menu.

I'm preaching to the choir here with you Alpha. In your posts and shares its clear to me you have real enough sobriety. I don't see you as white-knuckling it, and yet I respect your insight nonetheless. For me, there comes an acceptable balance of justice with all my challenges and my sufferings. I don't choose to despair in my sufferings not because its not somewhat attractive to despair but because I can't both despair and be myself anymore. Ironic. Despair used to be such wonderful company in my past life. I had no idea. Clueless. I really had no conception I would change so much as to not only understand my despair of my long ago yesterdays but to also appreciate how wonderful is my clarity to happily enjoy my life today even though I'm way more physically disabled then I have ever been in my life. What a seriously weird paradox, lol.

Let me tell you Alpha, life really does get better, even if life becomes more challenging. Experience of a better lived life is priceless. When successfully meeting our personal challenges becomes the new normal, then life really becomes such an unforgettable and un-regrettable joy to wake up to each day thereafter!

Courage, Alpha. You're not lost and alone. You're actually doing it right and all that which goes with it. And more. You have so much to yet enjoy. Seriously.

littlefish

Well, here's a practical suggestion. I found that the fellowship of a recovery program helped me understand I wasn't alone with my alcoholism. I found an incredible amount of support.
Maybe it might be helpful to connect with some people who have had your kind of surgery or are preparing to have it. You would probably find the information useful and well, get a little support.

Melina

You are loved, appreciated and needed, Miss AO.

And I understand the total mindf*** with facing something like this. It's sick, it's not fair, it's a punishment, it's terrifying, god hates me, why did I get sober for this, I get it. No bueno anywhere, no bright side to pick out of the situation.

So let's leave that, because it is what it is. And it sucks. And that's not going to change. So what I'd like to do is speak about your effect on SR. I would like you to consider my following comments as a tool for strength going into this procedure and for your recovery. I can't change what's happening to you physically but I am guns blazing invested into giving you a SR coat of arms as you figure out your surrounding support regarding your surgery.

In the SR world, this is how I view you and I'm quite certain I speak for many others here. I'll buy you all a soda if I'm wrong, and if you all don't agree, well, I will just have to punch you. I mean, buy you some punch

Your words have stopped me from picking up many many times. I get happy when I see you post or a comment from you. I get excited when you start a post, I'm all, ooooh, this is gonna be so good! You are so talented at expressing yourself.... How many times have we all read a comment to one of your posts that says to us, 'gasp, you read my mind!'

You reach people, you touch people. You understand how to express the soul, humility, pride, anger, love, curiosity, enthusiasm and strangeness of all that we go through here as a bunch of seriously confused drunks.

You are insightful, witty, maudlin and awesome at rocking this sober thing as much as it has taken you to get to the 'good' side of sober. I know not every sober day is good for you but I love you for admitting it and letting me read your journey. It's extremely helpful.

You scare and inspire me with your posts. You truly went and effed up your life with all that alcohol and you are trying your best to be better as a human. I've seen you claim yourself as a sentient being. Your 2 steps forward, 1 step back means a lot to me personally as I am still a 1 step forward, 2 steps back woman.

You are truthful here. You have always expressed the truth of your situation with great sincerity here on SR. You've expressed the depth of your alcoholic deceptions to yourself and others, here.

And here is where we will take you through your surgery and carry you through the exact same way you've expressed our truths.

As I said, you are loved, appreciated and needed, Miss AO.

We got your back, doll.

So much love,
Melina

alphaomega

Oh my God. I'm shaking. I'm hyperventilating. I'm crying. I'm moved beyond words...

It's the most surreal of emotions that I'm feeling it's almost disembodied.

Like I'm reading about another person.

My journey has touched a part of the world.

I have never felt like I made a difference.

I've made a difference...

silentrun

You didn't know that before hooker?

Melina

You dingdong, we live about 10 miles apart here in Chicago.

You think I'm going to let a uterus stand between you and us and some AWESOME support?

We are going to ROCK this stupid surgery.

jdooner

Melina's words are kind and true. You radiate and touch many sister.

alphaomega

Naw. I just thought God hated me.

Turns out , I guess He just thought I was up for one hell of wild trip.

And, my fellow teammates in the fight for our lives, I leave you with this...

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely, in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in, sideways, totally worn out, shouting holy sh1t, what a ride.." ~ Mavis Leyrer.