DG0409

I think feelings are perhaps one of the most difficult things about recovery. We drank and did drugs to change how we felt, to avoid our feelings, to try to feel happier when we were happy or to try to drown out the bad feelings.

Learning to deal with feelings in healthy, positive ways has been a huge challenge for me in recovery. (I suspect I'm not alone in that.)

One thing that helps is simply becoming really aware of how I'm feeling and to take the time to recognize it and name it. (Today I'm feeling grumpy, unmotivated, slightly depressed, irritable, lonely, afraid, hopeful, proud, and just a touch guilty. Some of these are general feelings and some of them apply to specific things that are happening in my life.)

Another thing that helps if I'm feeling bad is to just be active doing something in my life to help myself feel better. Sitting and dwelling in my bad feelings never seems to help. It can be hard because when I feel bad, I don't want to get up and do something positive. However, that is precisely what I need to do to help myself to feel better. (Today, I am going to engage in my recovery behaviors (eating healthy, work, exercise, etc.) in order to help myself to feel better.)

So, if you're feeling bad today, I'd recommend asking yourself two questions:

• What is it that I am feeling?
• What can I DO to help myself feel better?

DG0409

This is an old post of mine, but I've been having a rough time lately, so it was interesting to read. Lately, I've been struggling so much that at times, I just want to crawl in bed and cry or sleep. I'm trying to find that balance between cutting myself a little slack and going through my feelings and staying active in what I need to be doing.

The last few days, I haven't been working much. I work at home, so it can be all too easy not to get anything done.

I've nailed the first step: identifying my feelings. I feel angry, hurt, afraid, guilty, unwanted, etc.

But what am I going to DO today to feel a little better?

-I always start the day with a gratitude list, reading a little bit of some sort of recovery lit, etc. (And a strong cup of coffee!)

-Shower time! Working at home, it would be easy to put this off, but I've gotten in the habit of making sure I shower early. If nothing else, I always feel a little better about myself for being showered and dressed. If I get that done, I can feel like my day has at least been more productive than some of my worst drinking days were!

-Spend some time on SR. It always helps to connect a little. I haven't been on here much lately, but I think it's important to realize when we need a little extra support in our lives and to seek that out.

-Work at least 2-3 hours. I feel better when I am getting stuff done. I don't need to have the most productive day ever, but doing something useful would be good.

-Cook up some chicken I have in the fridge for lunch. The stuff needs used up, and eating healthy always helps.

-Run a couple of errands. It'll get me out of the house, plus it will get my stuff done.

-Get at least a few minutes of sunshine!! I know the darker days don't do anything for my mood, but getting outside a little can help.

-Got to AA tonight. There are still things about the AA program that I'm not into, but going to meetings has proven to be helpful to me. It's good for me to get out of the house and be with other recovering people.

Soberpotamus

I work from home too, and have found this one to be huge for me, personally. It does seem to make a difference in my state of mind and mood (and even my productivity) if I shower early in the day, instead of pushing it back to something midday.

Nice list, DG

Soberwolf

Nice post DG

mecanix

stick with it DG

m

Opivotal

((DG)) I so agree with your post. There were too many days, I sat around drinking and making mountains out of mole hills. We all struggle, truly we do, but you have armed yourself with an awesome set of tools.

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. I believe the answers are forthcoming. If I don't know what to do about a problem, and I've searched within , I do nothing for a while. Sooner or later the answer shows up.

We may not like the answer, but it does show itself.

Sending you hugs.

LiveInPeace

I'm sorry you're struggling, DG. I hope the things you listed that you were going to do helped you feel better.

How were you able to do this? I'm still struggling a lot with that step.

DG0409

Opi- I'm not sure I like the answer that comes to mind at the moment!

LiveInPeace- I'm not quite sure how to answer your question. Recently, these feelings have been strong enough that I can't help but notice them there. Sometimes, I listen to my thoughts too and they tip me off a little. Right now, I'm angry that my boyfriend isn't interested in being intimate... but under that are a lot of feelings of me not being good enough. I know I'm angry when I start having imaginary conversations in my head with my boyfriend where I say some really mean and hurtful things.

I've sometimes seen it recommended to look at a list of feelings and pick off which ones you think you're feeling. Maybe it would help you to see the words and then you'd know which ones you'd relate to if you're having trouble identifying what it is. If it's hard to figure it out exactly, you could start a little simpler and just ask if you feel good or bad.

I don't know if this helps at all.

PurpleKnight

Hang in there DG, sometimes we do need a bit of balance, every day isn't going to go our way, or feel like we're on top of the world.

But having a plan, doing things to give us a bit of structure and make us feel good can go a long way!!

Yogini1603

I love this idea of identifying your feelings and then making a plan of what to do about it.

I have depression and anxiety issues anyway which were around long before my drink and drug issues, however the drinking numbed me out totally. It's definitely hard adapting to the feelings, especially at night.

Does anyone else have a massive issue as soon as they get into bed? I'm tired, ready for bed, yet I get anxious and start freaking out.

DG0409

Soberpotamous- I know what you mean about the showers. I tell people I work at home sometimes and they'll say something like "It must be nice being able to work in your pajamas". Thing is no matter how much work you do, if at the end of the day you're sitting in your pajamas, you're going to feel like a loser.

Yogini- I read a wonderful book on coping with anxiety- The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne. It was very comprehensive and really covered a lot of ways of reducing anxiety. I used to always think that I just had depression, but when I started reading more about anxiety, I realized that I almost fit that better. I almost think the two are different sides of the same coin.

Well, yesterday really did turn into a pretty good day. I did pretty much stick to my list. Plus I even took a load of stuff to the thrift store. I'm looking to sell my house in the near(ish) future, so working on getting rid of stuff I don't need. It feels good to be making real progress in that direction.

I know that I can get really focused on the problems in my life and forget about just focusing on making progress on goals that will make my life better.

Today's plan:
-grat list/readings/SR/coffee
-shower
-work
-grocery shopping
-sunshine
-yoga class tonight
-working on sorting through more stuff

SoberInCLE

I had a lot of anxiety when I quit drinking and it is just starting to taper off. That is a common problem. Lots of people share that experience on SR so don't feel bad.

SoberInCLE

Maybe a new job would help? I only work from home one day a week, but I could see how you would feel isolated.

DG0409

I love my job and generally don't mind working at home. I'm a bit of an introvert and really like being alone.

I know that I still have social needs though. I do make sure and go to yoga and AA so that I am at least getting out and interacting with others. I do still feel that there is something lacking in my life as far as the social stuff goes. I STILL don't have a lot of sober friends and I long ago ditched the alcoholics and drug addict friends I had. I'm in a long-distance relationship which also kind of leaves me lacking as far as real-life contact goes.

Partly, I live in a really small town and I feel like that limits me. On the plus side, I am working on moving into my RV full time and selling my house. I hope that traveling opens up some more opportunities for meeting new people.

Sometimes I feel that the social side of things has been one of the aspects in my life that has been the slowest to improve in sobriety. I do what I can though and try to just be patient with it.

LiveInPeace

I get that. I think I have to pay attention more and notice them like you did. If I'm feeling angry in my mind, I do notice it's because I'm taking it personally that the person isn't acting the way I want them to act. It helps me to remind myself that the other person's behavior isn't personal. A friend tonight reminded me that humans are flawed, and they will let us down.

I like that idea. I've seen those types of lists with facial expressions--I love those. I think I'll print out a list of some sort and file it in my Step 10 notebook to get an idea of the feelings underneath the resentment.

It does. Thank you.

SoberInCLE

Are you a coder? I wondered about trying the RV life.

hpdw

Whether your an alcoholic or not feelings/emotions are part of a human being .
This thread reminds me of how/why alcoholism occurred in the first place .
Iv'e never met a single alcoholic in an AA meeting room or anywhere else who's story didn't involve strong feeling/emotion content .
Iv'e met plenty people who suffer from varying degrees of anxiety/depression and are somewhere different on the emotional scale on a daily or even hourly basis and don't suffer from alcoholism .

Yogini1603

I will definitely check out that book, thank you!

Gottalife

I was reading a little peice on AA called Greshams Law. It suggested that while the original AA had only one way fo recovering from alcoholism, a spiritual experience through working all twelve steps, that today there are in fact two ways, or at least that is how it appears to the newcomer. The second way might include some of the steps, but is heavily reliant on the social aspect of AA through the meetings. It seems people can maintain very long periods of sobriety without having to work all the steps. But it turns out, the result is not always that great. I pinched a little quote for you to look at. Does it in any way describe how you have been feeling?

" What looked in the beginning like an easier, softer way to maintain happy sobriety yields progressively less and less serenity and real happiness, finally ending in a complete reversal of momentum and a relapse into serious personal misery. The end result may be a return to active alcoholism; or it may be a sinking-out into a life of discontented abstinence, marred by some combination of tension, resentment, depression, compulsive sick sex, and an overall sense of meaninglessness. It is a final failure to reap the benefits of the AA Program; it is, in the last analysis, a failure to recover."

DG0409

LiveInPeace- I found this thread really fun and useful in figuring out how to identify feelings after I first got sober: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-25-a.html. Plus it's cute as heck and always improved my mood a little!