SineadOConnor

Ya know folks, ladies and gentlemen ~

I JUST don't understand myself. Has that happened to any of you?

So many days lately, I start over, start over.

I went to see mom yesterday in the assisted living facility and she does not look good at all. I carry on as the rock of gibraltar, but when I get in the car I just weaken. I needed to go grocery shopping and had quite a few things. It was a big shopping we call it. I picked up a 6 pack of 8 oz beers to quell my pain and fears of not having mom. As I said in My Story, I live in her house and just wake up feeling alone anticipating a sad future.

I should maybe go look for housing, but even that seems lonely. Kinda like looking for a swim suit. None of you are going to believe this I'm sure, but I truly feel loneliness is THE DISEASE! I only wish I had someone a special someone preferably, who would just walk beside me to do some of these things. I also have been appointed by family, to call the funeral home to arrange a pre-paid funeral for mom. also, if we are to sell the house, I need to call the contractors to come and check the basement out.

I would like to think that I'm NOT whining, but I'm disabled and have all these expectations on me.

Where is Scottie from Star Trek when I need him? Still trying to see the light.

Thepatman

Sorry about what you are going trough.

You have to find healtier ways of dealing with the pain. Join a recovery group maybe?
You could make friends there that share the same challenge.

Gibbons2

SineadOConnor I feel for you. I had to help arrange the funeral for my Dad a couple of years ago and it s*cked.

I don't know what it's like to be disabled, but that is an even bigger challenge. Remember, God does not give you what you cannot handle.

I am also well aware of what it is like to be lonely. At the age of 44 I have no kids, no husband (never did), just me. But I have friends. I have friends here if nothing else.

I don't know if this is good advice or maybe I shouldn't say it, but I am going to anyhow. In an online AA meeting someone suggested to me once to get a dog. I was complaining about being alone that night. I took her advice. Best decision I ever made. My dog is my constant companion and I couldn't imagine my life without her now. She is always there to give me love and vice versa and always overjoyed when I come home. Having a pet is sometimes better than other people, in my opinion. She loves me no matter what and truly helps take away some of my loneliness.

Hope that helps.

mecanix

Two years after getting sober i met a wonderful guy .
If i'd have still been drinking i'd have never have met him .
By choosing and sticking with sobriety , you open yourself up to so many good opportunities happening , chances and options you miss when you're drinking .

Isolation is part of it , drinking makes it worse IMHO .

Bestwishes, m

SineadOConnor

Thank you both.

Thepatman ~ I will try healthier ways. I've joined the Y and this morning I'm going to go work out. Its like, I know what I need to do, but thee is that moment of pain and lonliness, that rears its ugly head and taps my impulsiveness. BTW, I'm not physically disabled, but have emotional issues as you are reading. In fact when people meet me, they can't believe I'm disabled.

Gibbons2 ~ I had a dog and I miss her very much. I put her down too, by myself because she had cancer. It was time, for her. I understand that. I too, want and need a dog again. I'm working on that too. Its just right now, being in mom's house and possibly having to move to an apartment, most apartments won't take dogs, so I hold off on that. You are absolutely right, a dog is the best companion. I'm glad you have one to help you through.

Thanks Mecanix.

zombiegirl

We are all going through one thing or another to remember u are not alone.
Have u thought about getting a councillor or speaking to close friends about what you are going through.
I for one am also going through an awful time with my mum and each day I don't drink I find it that bit easier to get up and carry on.
The drink will do nothing but Emphasise your problems and make u feel worse (believe me I know)

Nonsensical

Even if I believed you, beer would still not be the cure.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

SineadOConnor

Contrary to public and popular belief, it was a cure for the moment as a bactine. Now long lasting cure for loneliness, "of course not" and wasn't expected to be. Onward and upward for all.

Anna

Loneliness can definitely stand in the way of recovery, but you don't need to let it do that. It could be that the time is not right for a dog, but how about looking around your community for volunteering opportunities. It's a great way to meet new, sober people and it can help you to find a purpose in your life.

ScottFromWI

Actually it wasn't - you wouldn't be here lamenting it if it was, right? Drinking is NEVER a cure for us, no matter how small the amount or how infrequent the drinking.

The fact that you still view alcohol as a temporary solution for your problems frankly says that you haven't fully accepted that you are an alcoholic. I don't mean that disparagingly, but you do need to be made aware of the gravity of that thought process.

least

I hope you can stop drinking. It won't help anything and will just make things worse.

Dee74

Hi sinead

I think many of us drank for those reasons - fear, loneliness, stress relief...but it never works...not properly...and we have to take our 'medicine' again...and again...and again...

as several people have said already the way to deal with these things - really deal - is to stay sober.

It's uncomfortable for a while sure, but if you can get through that (and there's lot of support here) you'll fine a kind of level ground under your feet, and you start to work some of that stuff...and the more you work out the better you'll feel about yourself and your life, and you'll work more stuff out...

It's a leap of faith to stay sober, sure - but its definitely worth it Sinead

D

EndGameNYC

Soon after I relapsed, I actually looked forward to my self-imposed loneliness. It gave me a great excuse to drink without having to do a thing about it. It also carried the extra benefit of having no one around to complain about my drinking. That's just the way it was.

SineadOConnor

Ya knowwww, I stayed sober for 5 years and the only thing I see that changed is that I didn't have a beer can in my hand during the lonely times. I had my dog and no desire to drink what so ever. Maybe I don't belong here in this section. Maybe I should go to the emotional section and post. I don't need or even think of drinking otherwise. I'm going to check out other sections here. Even my therapist said I wasn't an alcoholic. That has become a very broad paintbrush that expands and covers millions of people falsely. Simply put, a conversion. I really appreciate this board and I'm moving on to other sections. To thy own self I must and will be true. Catcha all down the road here. Have a wonderful and sober day. I'm going to have a spectacular day and take what comes. I'm choosing to today. Live and let live.