Hope is not a strategy…..
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
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Hope is not a strategy…..
There are a lot of sentiments expressed often in this forum like "wish me luck", "I hope I don't drink tomorrow"…..
I remember what that felt like, as if I was adrift in the wind and subject to whatever gust came along. Even after I got sober I felt stuck, until I read a sentence here that really helped. We need to act our way into thinking instead of thinking our way into acting.
For me that meant getting started. It also meant having a strategy, a plan, and not leaving it up to luck or chance as to whether I would drink or not. The decision to get sober is much easier to follow through on if one takes action. There is a lot of jargon that addresses this, just doing the next right thing, keeping it simple, and a lot of these lines ran through my head often in the first few weeks.
In the early weeks making changes in my behavior to help support my sobriety made me feel empowered. Pushing beyond my comfort zone helped me start to get used to navigating in bigger spheres. I found that when I was drinking my world telescoped down, I only dealt with the absolute necessities. I still have to push myself in certain areas, especially engaging socially, but I try to hang on to the satisfaction that almost always comes on the heels of my effort, regardless of the results.
A lot of us developed almost ritualized patterns around our drinking at some point. I think a lot of times white knuckling comes from following the exact same patterns……minus the alcohol. It seems to make what we are missing more pronounced. Just like our muscles need to be surprised often in order to grow and develop, so do our brains.
My dentist used to grab the inside of my left cheek and pinch it if he was giving me a shot on the right side. He told me the brain can't focus on both at once. I think the same concept works in early sobriety. If we are changing our oil, or rock climbing, or checking out a new library, we are engaging our minds. And we don't even have to worry about the dreaded novacaine being injected into the other cheek!
I remember what that felt like, as if I was adrift in the wind and subject to whatever gust came along. Even after I got sober I felt stuck, until I read a sentence here that really helped. We need to act our way into thinking instead of thinking our way into acting.
For me that meant getting started. It also meant having a strategy, a plan, and not leaving it up to luck or chance as to whether I would drink or not. The decision to get sober is much easier to follow through on if one takes action. There is a lot of jargon that addresses this, just doing the next right thing, keeping it simple, and a lot of these lines ran through my head often in the first few weeks.
In the early weeks making changes in my behavior to help support my sobriety made me feel empowered. Pushing beyond my comfort zone helped me start to get used to navigating in bigger spheres. I found that when I was drinking my world telescoped down, I only dealt with the absolute necessities. I still have to push myself in certain areas, especially engaging socially, but I try to hang on to the satisfaction that almost always comes on the heels of my effort, regardless of the results.
A lot of us developed almost ritualized patterns around our drinking at some point. I think a lot of times white knuckling comes from following the exact same patterns……minus the alcohol. It seems to make what we are missing more pronounced. Just like our muscles need to be surprised often in order to grow and develop, so do our brains.
My dentist used to grab the inside of my left cheek and pinch it if he was giving me a shot on the right side. He told me the brain can't focus on both at once. I think the same concept works in early sobriety. If we are changing our oil, or rock climbing, or checking out a new library, we are engaging our minds. And we don't even have to worry about the dreaded novacaine being injected into the other cheek!
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
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It's a fair point, it's one thing to hope you won't drink this evening, it's another to arrive home from work and immediatly go for an hour long walk in the fresh air, one option doesn't leave anything to chance.
Being pro active is the name of the game!!
Being pro active is the name of the game!!
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by jaynie04 
Pushing beyond my comfort zone helped me start to get used to navigating in bigger spheres. I found that when I was drinking my world telescoped down, I only dealt with the absolute necessities.
Drinking only gave me the ability to keep myself boxed in. Having no plan and not opening my mind kept me there.
Things aren't perfect and I will always have to work at this, but most of the time I am at peace. I try to keep things as simple as I can.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Thank you Jaynie for a great post. Part of recovery is biting the bullet, changing our routines/habits and tolerating some discomfort. In the early months of recovery I micromanaged my evenings to avoid drinking, some days were easier than others but planning for change helped.
living sober
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: close to my dogs
Posts: 40
'For me that meant getting started. It also meant having a strategy, a plan, and not leaving it up to luck or chance as to whether I would drink or not.'
Very true, Jaynie!
It also means owning your life, taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions, and act accordingly. This is where the difficulty might come in for some or most of us: We got so used to taking on a passive role in our own lives, at least I was doing that, that we almost forgot that we are in charge and we are (in fact the only ones) in power of our lives, but only, as you said if we push beyond our well-established comfort zones.
If we can learn to stay with what we perceive to be uncomfortable feelings I think half the battle is won as this freedom opens up a lot of doors that otherwise would be kept locked.
Very true, Jaynie!
It also means owning your life, taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions, and act accordingly. This is where the difficulty might come in for some or most of us: We got so used to taking on a passive role in our own lives, at least I was doing that, that we almost forgot that we are in charge and we are (in fact the only ones) in power of our lives, but only, as you said if we push beyond our well-established comfort zones.
If we can learn to stay with what we perceive to be uncomfortable feelings I think half the battle is won as this freedom opens up a lot of doors that otherwise would be kept locked.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Minneapolis, MN, USA
Posts: 164
Wow, I am just starting day eleven (a recent record), and I am already noticing that my well worn habits are not going to serve me well moving forward. I was stuck in the cycle of-
1. being bored in the evening, then drinking.
2. Then needing to find the time to recover.
3. Then start planning the next session, and manipulating those around me to make sure it happened.
After a while, that is all you remember how to do, and when you quit you have all this time, but you forgot how you used to spend it! I think that must be a big part of the AA story is just getting you out of the house and your ruts. thanks for the wonderful post and responses.
1. being bored in the evening, then drinking.
2. Then needing to find the time to recover.
3. Then start planning the next session, and manipulating those around me to make sure it happened.
After a while, that is all you remember how to do, and when you quit you have all this time, but you forgot how you used to spend it! I think that must be a big part of the AA story is just getting you out of the house and your ruts. thanks for the wonderful post and responses.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
As someone who thinks things to death I agree that behavior is key. Doing things other than or to replace the old rituals around alcohol is important, and there isn't a lot of need to think about it at first, as long as the behaviors you choose are healthy.
I've done a lot of reading in the area of counseling psychology, and this thread reminds me of some similar thoughts. William Glasser talks about four factors in play here:
Doing
Thinking
Feeling (emotion)
Physiology
Many addicts want to change how they feel, and this could include emotion and physiology (after all, the above four are inextricably linked). Glasser says if you want to change how you feel, start by changing your behavior.
Drinking used to help me feel better (until morning), but alcohol failed me in the long term, so other behaviors are necessary. Exercise and just getting out and walking, for example, are hugely important for anxiety and depression.
People are different. Through mindfulness one can learn to "think" their way into feeling differently, or doing things differently. It can be argued that thinking is a behavior. We have gratitude threads, for example, because positive thinking can spur positive behavior. The AV is about reframing your thinking in order to choose behaviors that will have more positive outcomes.
I guess my point is it's about what works for you, but Glasser also says that doing and thinking are areas in which we have much more choice than feeling and physiology. So, to change how we feel emotionally and physically, doing and thinking are the tools to make that happen.
He describes a front-wheel drive car where each of the four areas are tires. Doing and thinking are the front wheels that pull the back wheels along - feeling and physiology.
The steering wheel represents the choices we make regarding doing and thinking...
On one level it is very simple, but the place we get hung up is at the steering wheel. The steering wheel determines what we will do and think and where that will take our feeling and physiology.
Hope alone is not productive, but without hope some people will take no action.
Action alone can lead to destruction, especially for those with no hope.
I've done a lot of reading in the area of counseling psychology, and this thread reminds me of some similar thoughts. William Glasser talks about four factors in play here:
Doing
Thinking
Feeling (emotion)
Physiology
Many addicts want to change how they feel, and this could include emotion and physiology (after all, the above four are inextricably linked). Glasser says if you want to change how you feel, start by changing your behavior.
Drinking used to help me feel better (until morning), but alcohol failed me in the long term, so other behaviors are necessary. Exercise and just getting out and walking, for example, are hugely important for anxiety and depression.
People are different. Through mindfulness one can learn to "think" their way into feeling differently, or doing things differently. It can be argued that thinking is a behavior. We have gratitude threads, for example, because positive thinking can spur positive behavior. The AV is about reframing your thinking in order to choose behaviors that will have more positive outcomes.
I guess my point is it's about what works for you, but Glasser also says that doing and thinking are areas in which we have much more choice than feeling and physiology. So, to change how we feel emotionally and physically, doing and thinking are the tools to make that happen.
He describes a front-wheel drive car where each of the four areas are tires. Doing and thinking are the front wheels that pull the back wheels along - feeling and physiology.
The steering wheel represents the choices we make regarding doing and thinking...
On one level it is very simple, but the place we get hung up is at the steering wheel. The steering wheel determines what we will do and think and where that will take our feeling and physiology.
Hope alone is not productive, but without hope some people will take no action.
Action alone can lead to destruction, especially for those with no hope.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,994
Thanks, Jaynie, what a lovely post! Inspiring!
For me, the concept of faith, as opposed to hope, is part of what is helping me.
Listening to others here who have come through some terrible times, having faith in their wisdom, knowing that I too can heal and not only survive, but flourish, if I but carry on and do the work, keeps me grounded.
Love your posts, thanks!
For me, the concept of faith, as opposed to hope, is part of what is helping me.
Listening to others here who have come through some terrible times, having faith in their wisdom, knowing that I too can heal and not only survive, but flourish, if I but carry on and do the work, keeps me grounded.
Love your posts, thanks!
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