redwine

Hi.

For the last few years -- maybe 5 -- I've taken one bottle of red wine every other night, like clockwork. It hasn't escalated. And recently, I've just realised how odd and strange that is, and that I don't want to do that anymore.

Socially moderating is easy. At home, it's one bottle. If there is more than one bottle around, it is left untouched. Mostly, I think, because I don't want the hangover to be bad, rather than some great act of will.

I think, maybe, that because it hasn't escalated, and socially I don't lose control, that I've been spared, a little -- and by that I mean: I can quit now, while I'm standing.

Now, even if it did not escalate I don't want it to continue. I'm done. I'm done. It's one less thing to think about.

Crazy, eh? I don't understand why I am done now, and why it never occurred to me to be "done" in the last few years.

I remember the wine helped in difficult living situations. It provided a simulated "aloneness" when it was impossible to have time to myself. It was a cocoon. I think I've been self medicating, really.

But recently it does not work. Or I don't need it. I don't know.

I've just turned into that guy who doesn't want to drink anymore.

So I'm going to lean on this board a little. I don't know how hard or easy it will be. Recently I've been forgoing the wine some nights and I feel a lot better. It is something I want. Now, I'm going to forego it completely.

I would love to hear from other every-other-day wine drinkers -- or anyone at all -- and listen to them. Mostly I am hoping to hear, "yeah, I did that, but like you, I decided to move on to other things."

Thank you.

Anna

I'm glad you found us and that you have decided to live a sober life.

least

Welcome to SR! Like you, I was a wine drinker. I started out drinking one glass in the afternoon to relax before the kids got home from school. I don't know how it came about, but within six months I found myself drinking all day, every day. After nearly a year of this I decided I had a real problem with alcohol and that I should stop drinking.

I couldn't stop. I was drinking in the morning to quell the shakes and anxiety. I was drinking anywhere from one to three bottles a day, spending money I couldn't afford to spend, and going thru withdrawals if I didn't have anything to drink.

AFter trying and failing to stop drinking I am now 60 days sober and plan to continue. You are smart to stop now before it gets its claws into you any worse.

redwine

Thank you, fellow former wine drinker!

I have thought, "it has not escalated. One bottle, every other day. Years. You are fine."

And you know what? I don't care. I think it is a double edged sword. You escalated quickly, which in some ways is, dare I say it, good.

I think that I could continue to drift for YEARS AND YEARS. Wine, every other day. The same. See how insidious non-escalating can be? That's what got me thinking.

I don't want that. At all.

Thanks for your response.

dasha

I am also a red wine drinker,only been stopped a couple of weeks..And personally think
if its moderated and not compulsive or obsessed about.. and most importantly you can
take it or leave it? i dont think its a major problem.. when you consider many continents,
on your europe the family meal usually involves a glass or 2 of wine! italy france spain
and many others.. But this is sensible controlled drinking traditionally with a meal or
thereabout.. those who cannot do this should not drink for obvious health risks,IE,myself.
those who once start and cannot stop..Become out of control with there drinking...this
no doubt is Alcoholism that controls you! i so miss a glass of red wine but also know
once i have the one, i can just drink the lot dry..this is no way to live for me anymore.
good luck on your own quest.. I hope you can make sense out of your own predicament.

redwine

I kind of woke up. I saw a middle aged person in the wine-isle buying wine. I don't want to judge -- but she seemed to, oh, I don't know. I saw myself in her. I saw myself, ten years from now, walking the wine isle. Not for a celebration purchase -- a birth, say -- but a Wednesday purchase. A this-is-the-other-day-I-buy-a-bottle-of-wine.

It scared me, to be honest.

Here is the thing. My drinking has not escalated. That gives me a false sense of security. But I asked myself this:

"Dude, do you want, ten years from now, to be that guy who drinks a bottle of wine, every other day?"
And I paused.

And I asked myself this:

"Is that a ten years you want to look forward too? Ten years of a bottle of wine, every other day?"
And I had to say, "no".

And then I asked myself,

"Does it really matter if you are an alcoholic or not? Does it really matter that it has not escalated?"
And I had to answer, "no".

And I'm not getting younger. I don't want to be that guy. I don't want to be perpetually waiting for a low-bottom that never happens.

I want to be the guy that friends of mine say, "he quit drinking -- I think he overreacted".
I want to be the guy who enjoys friends having a drink.
I want to be the guy who looked ten years into the future and saw the bottle-of-wine-every-other-day guy and was scared.

Am I making any sense?

(please, if someone wants to call bulls**t on this, I'm okay with that. I'm here to basically listen and be called out on things, if needs be.)

Thanks to all responders in this thread.

And please - I'm all ears to everyone, anyone's point of view, anyone's story.

Thanks.

mfreetofly

My escalation happened over many years. I used to be like you only drinking 2-3 days a week, and never more than 2 glasses of wine. This lasted for maybe 10 years. But somewhere along the line, stress increased, I got divorced, I had a death in my family, I just started to drink more often. Now I'm a nightly wine drinker of 2-4 glasses. I can't even remember exactly when it happened. So you're lucky you've decided to get out now before you've had a chance to begin the slow escalation process. Write to me any time for support as I'm just beginning to give up my wine habit as well. I've made it a couple of weeks before this without drinking, but always end up with my mind tricking me into thinking I never really needed to give it up completely and I start again. Here's to wishing us both luck on our new journey through life without wine!

intention

Hi and welcome.

As you can see from my signature, I am an admirer of Wayne Dyer. Anyway he talks much about his own addictions. With alcohol he drank for years, just a couple of beers a night. Yes, just a couple.

He tells the story when one evening he took his large family out to a restaurant for dinner. He order his usual beer and they didn't serve beer. So the whole family had to leave the restaurant and go elsewhere and they were all very hungry. His need for his 2 beers was so overpowering that he put it before his family. That was his wake up call and he quit for good.

His drinking hadn't escalated either. Whatever you drink, alcohol is not good for you. It doesn't matter how much you are drinking - it's how it affects your life. There's a saying that the elevator stops on all floors, you don't have to wait to get to the bottom before getting off.

Horselover

Welcome to SR. I commend you on not drinking and it really matters not whether you are an alcoholic or not. I personally believe if it interferes with the enjoyment of living then its time to give it a rest.

redwine

I feel, basically, this:

I want to sleep well. I want to wake up in the morning fresh.
I want one less thing to think about in life.

And I did an experiment several times: only half a bottle. And I did not sleep well, did not wake fresh. Not hungover, but a very definite signal: my body said to me, "dude, I don't want this stuff any more."

But I am very aware that complacency, the idea that my reasons to quit are "insufficient" in a way, is crazy. The elevator opens at every floor!

It can be very dangerous, I think, to wonder about "the problem" when quitting. "Do I have a problem? Is it a great enough problem?"

Who cares! Quit for YOU. I'm quitting for ME.

Me, I've given up. I don't want to think about the labels. I don't want to worry about quantities or escalations.

I'm doing this for ME. Because I want one less thing to think about. Because I want to sleep better. Because I asked myself, "ten years from now, bottle of wine, every other day -- want to be that guy?"

The answer was no.

I'm still getting my head around this. I'm kind of, whoa! I could have been that guy -- I drifted for half a dozen years, bottle of wine every other day. It could have gone on longer. I feel I've just awoken from a dream.

I know nothing, really. I'm just absorbing what I read here. Early days.

jamdls

I was "only a wine drinker", and for many years (off and on for 20 yrs) only drank on Friday and/or Saturday nights, then I started drinking just a couple of glasses during the week and eventually I was drinking 3-5 nights a week, up to a whole bottle at a time and on the weekends it was more. When I decided to stop I just stopped, fortunetly never had a craving (only regrets and shame of things I'd done while drinking); I used to say that if I ever retired I'd be an alcoholic-- because as long as I had to get up and go to work I knew I couldn't drink every day, and didn't, but if I didn't have a job I'd have drunk myself to death. Fortunetly I realized this and now get to live happily ever after sober.

Dee74

Hi redwine

My experience is very much at the other end of the scale - the all day everyday don't stop until you pass out end of the scale LOL, so I've little to add by way of anecdote.

I'm a firm believer though in the idea that if you think it's a problem, then it's a problem

If you want help and support in giving up that bottle of red wine, you've come to the right place

I look forward to seeing you around some more
Welcome!

D

Soph

I would agree with Dee: If it's a problem for you, and you are concerned, then it's a problem. Give it up and it isn't a problem anymore. For me, after quitting my wine habit/addiction, the struggle has been replacing. I feel its absence so keenly that I need to fill it.

This site helps, meetings help, Starbucks runs...also reading AA literature helps, or other books/memoirs written by people who changed their lives. Also finding non- alcoholic beverages and stocking your kitchen with them. Lots of varieties and choices to stay stimulated.

Best of luck.

dasha

Agree with Soph.. Finding Alternatives and freshening things up the whole time.. trying
drinks you would never have tried... not allowing yourself to fall into a lull for to long,
keepin experimenting with Alternatves.. I also have been using alcohol free beer at week
ends only one or 2 nights..as i drink so much tea and coffee in the week, oh and red
grapejuice.. I welcome a change of beverage.. An it becomes a little treat.. As well as
those puddings you had stopped eating years ago..HA, now back in fashion, keep on
freshening things up i think..

redwine

Took some wine - a bottle, four days after I first posted here. Don't know why. I did not enjoy it.

Here is the thing -- this was, didn't feel any cravings, just the sense of "this is your normal routine".

I don't have withdrawl or physical cravings, but there is this 3 bottles of wine a week routine I want to break.

I'm afraid of drifting in the no-mans-land of one bottle, every other day or so that I've been in for years. Although it has not escalated, there is a change it could -- even a gradual escalation sees me in a life I do not want.

I feel stuck between a normal drinker who doesn't need to quit, and a full-blown-drinker, who should. I should not need definitions to motivate me, but I feel I do.

Actually the post that mentioned Dwyer, who was able to quit rationally, despite not being in a bad way, is helpful. I need to hear more stories of high-bottom.

Anyway, hopefully I won't be posting something like this again. I'd like to be back in a week just to say "hi".

I'm listening.

Thanks.

Tazman53

Welcome to SR redwine. You have gotten a lot of good replies here so I will not say much at all.

IMHO anyone who has reached a point in their drinking alcoholic or not that they have become sick & tired of being sick & tired due to thier drinking quitting is a very smart move.

Supposedly drinking A glass of wine A day is good for one, half a bottle a day far surpases what is called normal or healthy drinking. Quitting totally is probably best.

Be prepared, your body/mind may have an expectation of that wine every other day, you may have to take more measures then you thinnk to stay stopped, keep an open mind and keep coming back here.

redwine

Bottle of wine every other day became bottle of wine every third day.
I haven't not finished a bottle of wine, honestly, when I've opened one. That third day, though -- yesterday -- the thought, "get some wine" seemed so f***** ORDINARY.

The ordinary-ness of it -- it's the kicker. It is easy to defend oneself from a threat, but if something seems ORDINARY -- how do you know to defend against it?

It seems a threat today, probably tomorrow, but the day after it will be the most normal thing in the world, the most ordinary thing --

I can sense the difference from:

day 1 = no way!
day 2 = nah, not today
day 3 = ordinary guy, getting a bottle of wine. (which I've always finished in one evening)

Dee74

When it was me - I defended against the ordinary by posting here, reading here - a lot.

I made myself come here instead of going for a bottle.

I was sick to death (literally) of my ordinary - but as you've discerned, it still took effort to give it up.

It's a truism here that 'nothing changes if nothing changes' redwine...

make some changes, mate

D

Tazman53

Redwine a couple of things if I may?

1. Alcoholism has one primary symptom, that symptom is a denial of alcoholism, whether one drinks a WHOLE bottle of wine every 2 days or 3 days is not normal drinking, call it alcoholism, call it heavy drinking, call it what ever one wishes, drinking a FULL bottle of wine every time one opens a bottle of wine is not normal drinking. My wife on rare occasion will buy a bottle of wine, it will last her well over a week.

2. Alcohol for an alcoholic is, as we say in AA, "Cunning, Baffling, and Powerful! Alcohol will convince an alcoholic that thier drinking is normal when it is far beyond normal! Alcohol will convince an alcoholic that "This time will be different, I will control my drinking this time!". Normal drinkers do not control thier drinking because a 4 oz. glass of wine is all they want, if there is no more then a glass they could care less!

One more very important thing................ normal people do not seek out places like SR because they do not have a problem.

shaun00

.

i often ask myself the question.......why do humans feel the need for this stuff in their life?
why do we feel the need for something to relax or why do it for the sake of being social?..

i asked my daughter the same question.......for a non alcoholic view.....
"cos you just do dad".....at 19 she already thinks that alcohol is the "done" thing and your strange if you dont.

i tried to tell her all she needed was food...warmth and shelter.......with which she promptly emptied the fridge...my wallet and went home..lol....

alcoholism being a different kettle of fish.imo.
the element of choice gone....

ive said before here....its good and healthy to spotlight and question your drinking patterns.....imo
whether its a problem or not..
your liver will heave a sigh of relief and your wallet.
good luck.