soberlife123

Has anyone had this? Both my mother and my fiancee keep telling me 'you're not an alcoholic, you just need to cut down' . It's like they feel by my identifying my drinking issues it reflects on them. My fiancee is a very heavy drinker, which is an issue, and my mother also had alcohol isssues when I was growing up.

When I hosted a party to celebrate my call to the bar (ironic that's what being made a lawyer is called) and didn't drink everyone put SO much pressure on me TO drink. "I'm not drinking tonight" was not an acceptable answer (even though I did make it through without drinking.

Has anyone experienced this?

CAPTAINZING2000

After I stopped drinking I did a few times

PurpleKnight

They wouldn't offer a heroin addict the same advice, "you just need to cut down", alcohol as it's socially ingrained in society people just don't get it!! . . . you'll find out a lot about people in the way they either support or discourage your decision to be Sober!!

Nonsensical

Yes, but putting their misunderstanding before my understanding is foolish.

FindTheAnswer

For people like my folks that see drinking as a sin,....you will find the opposite reaction. You will be asked if you "still aren't drinking". You will be told how strong you are, and in some cases THAT will make you want to drink. Me not drinking isn't because I think it is a sin like they believe. Mine is because I haven't been able to control it. Completely different reasons. Wish they didn't even know.

Hope4Life

After I told one of my best friends about my DETERMINATION to get and stay sober, he said - "I can see that.... but you shouldn't worry about any of this, you're not an alcoholic".

While I was glad he didn't think so, I KNEW SO! It's really interesting how active drinkers view alcoholic's. They seem to think that you need to lose everything, get DUI's and be in the gutter or under the bridge before the definition applies.

Congratulations on your appointment to the bar! That is a huge accomplishment. FANTASTIC!

soberlife123

I got a DUI a few years ago, and even that wasn't enough to scare me sober.

My drinking is getting worse and worse, it really is a progressive disease and I don't want to wait until I have serious health problems to get sober! I want a long and healthy and happy life and alcohol just can't be a part of that! Try explaining that to all your drunk friends at a party lol

PurpleKnight

The way forward is to put some lines in the sand, make it deadly serious to everyone that this is a complete lifestyle change, your not simply eliminating alcohol from your existing lifestyle, but rather changing your whole lifestyle to one that doesn't facilitate alcohol anymore.

If that means not hanging out with people that continually put pressure on you to drink then that's what you gotta do, your health and Sobriety is more important than hurting someone's feelings.

Anna

Maybe staying away from your drinking friends for awhile would make things easier. I definitely could not be around alcohol or people drinking for a very long time - most of a year. And, when I did go out, I refused to be put on the defensive because my self-esteem had already suffered greatly. So, my response was always 'No, thanks' with no further explanation. For me, it felt empowering to say No without leaving myself open to speculation by others.

FindTheAnswer

At two weeks sober I went out with some staff from my office. Our office had shut down the week prior. They all drank. I asked the waitress if the bartender could make me something "sparkly". I'm still not sure what all was in that drink--I think different mixers and chopped up strawberries and raspberries on the decorative toothpick. Wow, was it ever good. I didn't feel cheated and I think some of them thought I was drinking a mixed drink. No one asked and I felt no need to explain.

FreeOwl

what's helped for me is finally coming to dissociate from what other people think about my choice not to drink - by continually focusing on the reasons I know that my choice is the right one for me.

I've had times where others' reactions made me really uncomfortable. Now, I just pretty much remind myself of MY reasons and observe others' reactions more with intrigue as to what their motives may be than anything.

"To each his / her own.... I'm doing what's right for ME".

If that doesn't work - walking away sometimes does.

FindTheAnswer

My ex-bf knew I was trying to quit. He knew about all the blackouts. But, when I told him that his behavior was creating anxiety for me....he said, "well why not have a drink". FreeOwl makes a good point. Why would you not drinking make them uncomfortable? Now it is VERY uncomfortable for me not to drink in any social situation. I used it as my prop for so many years to feel accepted, to deal with my insecurity of never fitting in. So, I understand MY discomfort, buy why theirs?

KateL

With respect, I think they are simply uneducated with the subject of addiction. Or perhaps even in denial. Stand your ground or maybe even get them to do some reading. Well done though xxxxxx

soberlife123

Today all I need to do is not drink. I think i need to change my thinking to really embrace the 'one day at a time'

FindTheAnswer

Lawgirl--at 4 weeks, I still break it down smaller when I am struggling. What about for the next hour, I will not drink? You get 24 successes in one day, instead of 1 if you look at it that way. I have found that taking a pencil and literally checking off the day at midnight or shortly after provides me a little extra ooomph to try again tomorrow. Like a "to-do" list. Now if I could actually get to my other "to-do" list, I'll really be making progress.

Wastinglife

Hi Lawgirl,
As you are starting out your law career, it may be wise to address any alcohol issues seeing as law is a profession no stranger to alcoholism. The long hours and stress have derailed many a lawyer's career when drinking becomes a problem. My uncle struggled for years to keep his practice afloat as he tried to balance his alcoholism with his responsibilities. If you think you have a drinking problem, that's the only opinion that matters.

soberlife123

Wasting Life I don't think I have a drinking problem I know I've also seen of lot of my colleagues fall pretty to this terrible disease!

SeaScape

hi lawgirl

Yes- I experience it. My husband doesn't think I have a drinking problem. And I do think when you question your own drinking it makes people uncomfortable. But I don't think that phenomenon is unique to drinking though

right now what I do is focus entirely on myself. it isn't easy. i just realized that this is my journey, battle, or whatever you want to call it and no one was going to rescue me or do the 'work' for me. I was so sick of feeling like human pooh that I was ready to accept the responsibility to change.

hang in there! you are smart, bright and you are reaching out for help - it's gonna get better if you try!