27 days, 4 weeks tomorrow
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Charlotte
Posts: 50
27 days, 4 weeks tomorrow
I have been following this site for over 3 weeks. My story....been drinking for years, never had much control, and then the last 3 years or so, acted very ugly with it. I have been in an abusive relationship, and somehow it seemed to bring out my own abusive side when drunk. I am a tiny woman, but I found myself fighting with a 350lb man. Crazy. I can't believe I became that person. I've always been considered the "good" girl.
A few days after Christmas my boyfriend was calling me hurtful names and I found myself drinking more and more. I blacked out and said some really awful things and asked him to move out. I didn't mean it, but I think it gave him the out he was looking for. I apologized, but I guess not in the way he needed. I totally understand where he was coming from. The moving out took 6 weeks
I still didn't stop drinking because, well, heck he was going to leave anyway. This way I could drink and not worry that I would hurt anyone's feelings. But, then a few weeks into it, I realized one day it had been over 2 weeks since I had woken up remembering an evening. I felt a lot of shame and fear. I've always felt some shame over drinking every evening. Now that my son is in college, I worry constantly about the example I set for him. Anyway, I realized just how often I was having black outs, but I still didn't stop for a few days. Then one morning at work, I just felt so badly. Even though I pretty much drank the same thing every night, I just felt really ill. Like my body just couldn't handle what I was doing to it anymore. I had become extremely unmotivated at work. I am a manager and I was worried I was going to be cited. That didn't happen. I was also having many thoughts of ending life. So, I decided to try to stop for awhile. I don't know if I am an alcoholic or dependent. But, I know I didn't trust myself to try to cut back. I was feeling so ill, I don't think cutting back was going to heal my body.
I feel like I have been rather strong because after getting the first week under my belt....my organization shut down my office. It had nothing to do with me, but I lost my position. Had I not had that week under my belt, I know I would have had a grand time drinking that night. Wallowing. But, the first few days had been so anxiety-ridden, I didn't want to waste that week. I'm so grateful I had already tried to take a break. I had dinner with some members of the office at 1 week. They all drank and I didn't.
So, I lost my boyfriend, lost my job, and losing my house. If I ever had a reason to drink it is NOW. But, I know I have to get my body and mind strong again if I have any chance in succeeding in a subsequent job.
Here is my concern: Tomorrow is 4 weeks and I don't really feel that much better. I stay up most of the night, sleep during the day, cry alot! My head feels a little bit clearer, but I'm so tired. I thought sure I would finally get some energy. I also thought I would lose weight. I was drinking a bottle of wine a night and had started adding vodka drinks. I would drink most of the day on weekends--mimosas or bloody marys in the morning, my wine afternoon and evening. That was fun for a long time, but there before I stopped, it wasn't fun anymore. I would skip over the happy phase and go straight to numb (which I wanted) and then straight to blackout. Why do you start to black out on the same amount you always drank or less??
Now I'm drinking lots of seltzer water, Kombucha--more so in the beginning, but not now, fruit juices, coffee, and milk. All of it seems so boring! It really is difficult to know what to do with yourself when you have no energy and you are accustomed to clutching a wine glass all night long on the sofa. So, I used my wine glass. Only in the last few days have I not felt the need to use it with every beverage. My anxiety gets really bad at night. It was doing that when I drank, too. That last week or so before I stopped, I felt really shaky inside at work, too. I had Klonopin prescribed to help with sleep a long time ago. I rarely used it. I've used that more frequently since I stopped. Yet, I try my best to quarter the dose or skip nights when I can. I don't want to rely on it.
The first 2 weeks, I read posts on here almost every day. I think I was reading them before I actually stopped. Somehow it helped. So, here I am at the brink of 4 weeks and I really hoped I would feel better. I don't look refreshed. I don't have energy. And, I've actually gained weight...and no, I'm not eating more or anything different.
I have so much uncertainty in my life with no job or a future place to live. I'm trying not to give in to the desire to numb out of it like I always have. I have only left the house maybe 4 times since losing my job 3 weeks ago. I need to pack up my house and I can't find any motivation.
Did anyone else not feel much improvement at 4 weeks??
Sorry for the long post. That is actually the abbreviated version...but you know.
Any advice?
A few days after Christmas my boyfriend was calling me hurtful names and I found myself drinking more and more. I blacked out and said some really awful things and asked him to move out. I didn't mean it, but I think it gave him the out he was looking for. I apologized, but I guess not in the way he needed. I totally understand where he was coming from. The moving out took 6 weeks
I still didn't stop drinking because, well, heck he was going to leave anyway. This way I could drink and not worry that I would hurt anyone's feelings. But, then a few weeks into it, I realized one day it had been over 2 weeks since I had woken up remembering an evening. I felt a lot of shame and fear. I've always felt some shame over drinking every evening. Now that my son is in college, I worry constantly about the example I set for him. Anyway, I realized just how often I was having black outs, but I still didn't stop for a few days. Then one morning at work, I just felt so badly. Even though I pretty much drank the same thing every night, I just felt really ill. Like my body just couldn't handle what I was doing to it anymore. I had become extremely unmotivated at work. I am a manager and I was worried I was going to be cited. That didn't happen. I was also having many thoughts of ending life. So, I decided to try to stop for awhile. I don't know if I am an alcoholic or dependent. But, I know I didn't trust myself to try to cut back. I was feeling so ill, I don't think cutting back was going to heal my body.
I feel like I have been rather strong because after getting the first week under my belt....my organization shut down my office. It had nothing to do with me, but I lost my position. Had I not had that week under my belt, I know I would have had a grand time drinking that night. Wallowing. But, the first few days had been so anxiety-ridden, I didn't want to waste that week. I'm so grateful I had already tried to take a break. I had dinner with some members of the office at 1 week. They all drank and I didn't.
So, I lost my boyfriend, lost my job, and losing my house. If I ever had a reason to drink it is NOW. But, I know I have to get my body and mind strong again if I have any chance in succeeding in a subsequent job.
Here is my concern: Tomorrow is 4 weeks and I don't really feel that much better. I stay up most of the night, sleep during the day, cry alot! My head feels a little bit clearer, but I'm so tired. I thought sure I would finally get some energy. I also thought I would lose weight. I was drinking a bottle of wine a night and had started adding vodka drinks. I would drink most of the day on weekends--mimosas or bloody marys in the morning, my wine afternoon and evening. That was fun for a long time, but there before I stopped, it wasn't fun anymore. I would skip over the happy phase and go straight to numb (which I wanted) and then straight to blackout. Why do you start to black out on the same amount you always drank or less??
Now I'm drinking lots of seltzer water, Kombucha--more so in the beginning, but not now, fruit juices, coffee, and milk. All of it seems so boring! It really is difficult to know what to do with yourself when you have no energy and you are accustomed to clutching a wine glass all night long on the sofa. So, I used my wine glass. Only in the last few days have I not felt the need to use it with every beverage. My anxiety gets really bad at night. It was doing that when I drank, too. That last week or so before I stopped, I felt really shaky inside at work, too. I had Klonopin prescribed to help with sleep a long time ago. I rarely used it. I've used that more frequently since I stopped. Yet, I try my best to quarter the dose or skip nights when I can. I don't want to rely on it.
The first 2 weeks, I read posts on here almost every day. I think I was reading them before I actually stopped. Somehow it helped. So, here I am at the brink of 4 weeks and I really hoped I would feel better. I don't look refreshed. I don't have energy. And, I've actually gained weight...and no, I'm not eating more or anything different.
I have so much uncertainty in my life with no job or a future place to live. I'm trying not to give in to the desire to numb out of it like I always have. I have only left the house maybe 4 times since losing my job 3 weeks ago. I need to pack up my house and I can't find any motivation.
Did anyone else not feel much improvement at 4 weeks??
Sorry for the long post. That is actually the abbreviated version...but you know.
Any advice?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
4 weeks is early days still . . . 3+ years of heavy drinking will take more than 4 weeks for the body/mind to heal itself, and then for the body to adjust to having no alcohol will take some more time as moods level out, weight might change etc etc
My best advice is be patient, the body is a great healer but it needs time to sort itself out after years of pouring alcohol into it!!
Keep doing what your doing, 27 days is fantastic, eventually you will wake up one day and feel different and even more so as, more and more days and time passes!!
Keep pushing through and hang in there!!
My best advice is be patient, the body is a great healer but it needs time to sort itself out after years of pouring alcohol into it!!
Keep doing what your doing, 27 days is fantastic, eventually you will wake up one day and feel different and even more so as, more and more days and time passes!!
Keep pushing through and hang in there!!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 98,734
Welcome to SR! It may take several months before you start feeling "good" again. In the meantime, treat yourself well, good food, rest, and exercise if you can. It just takes time. Don't give up! 
It may take several months before you start feeling "good" again. In the meantime, treat yourself well, good food, rest, and exercise if you can. It just takes time. Don't give up! 
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 50,324
Welcome FindTheAnswer. It's great to meet you - wonderful job on your 4 weeks.
I agree with Purple & least - it is still early in the game. You are still healing from all the abuse - plus you have other things going on that you're dealing with. I know the thought of numbing out is tempting - but it will do nothing to help - and then you'll be so disappointed. You're going through a huge adjustment on many levels - be patient and kind to yourself. You have reclaimed your life - that's something to be very proud of. The optimism and hope should return as you get more sober time behind you.
I agree with Purple & least - it is still early in the game. You are still healing from all the abuse - plus you have other things going on that you're dealing with. I know the thought of numbing out is tempting - but it will do nothing to help - and then you'll be so disappointed. You're going through a huge adjustment on many levels - be patient and kind to yourself. You have reclaimed your life - that's something to be very proud of. The optimism and hope should return as you get more sober time behind you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 183
Findtheanswer -
I am so sorry that you lost the boyfriend, job and the house all at once, basically. How stressful. But you ARE strong, because you've kept away from the alcohol...and you're right, you're really going to need your wits about you to be sharp to take care of getting a new job and new place.
It's very common to still feel crappy at 4 weeks. Google "Alcohol and PAWS". Don't be discouraged, though - this WILL pass. I promise it will.
I could've written this word for word:
"That was fun for a long time, but there before I stopped, it wasn't fun anymore. I would skip over the happy phase and go straight to numb (which I wanted) and then straight to blackout. Why do you start to black out on the same amount you always drank or less??"
The reason you black out even if you drink less, is that your body has made metabolic changes with regard to how it processes alcohol. These changes result in LOWERED tolerance! You can google this one too - I swear, I'm not making it up, and I experienced the same thing. Toward the end, I'd be hammered after 6 or 7 beers. Like, HAMMERED, black out drunk.
Please don't give up. You are worth it. I never thought I'd say it - but I'm enjoying the heck out of being sober. It's not always easy - but it absolutely has made my life better in every way, and I'm still early on too, nearly 2 months, but I feel like I'm turning from a caterpillar into a butterfly.
It gets better.
I am so sorry that you lost the boyfriend, job and the house all at once, basically. How stressful. But you ARE strong, because you've kept away from the alcohol...and you're right, you're really going to need your wits about you to be sharp to take care of getting a new job and new place.
It's very common to still feel crappy at 4 weeks. Google "Alcohol and PAWS". Don't be discouraged, though - this WILL pass. I promise it will.
I could've written this word for word:
"That was fun for a long time, but there before I stopped, it wasn't fun anymore. I would skip over the happy phase and go straight to numb (which I wanted) and then straight to blackout. Why do you start to black out on the same amount you always drank or less??"
The reason you black out even if you drink less, is that your body has made metabolic changes with regard to how it processes alcohol. These changes result in LOWERED tolerance! You can google this one too - I swear, I'm not making it up, and I experienced the same thing. Toward the end, I'd be hammered after 6 or 7 beers. Like, HAMMERED, black out drunk.
Please don't give up. You are worth it. I never thought I'd say it - but I'm enjoying the heck out of being sober. It's not always easy - but it absolutely has made my life better in every way, and I'm still early on too, nearly 2 months, but I feel like I'm turning from a caterpillar into a butterfly.
It gets better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Charlotte
Posts: 50
Thank you for the responses. You guys responded quickly. I know it is still early. I guess I expected bigger energy gains by now. If you are at 2 months and feeling much better, maybe I will, too.
I miss having wine and feeling giggly, silly, and confident. It is difficult for me to think I can never have that part back again. I know so much has to change and improve in my life, though. That won't happen if I am drinking. I'm just so bored, but yet have no energy to do anything about it. At 3 weeks out of work, I should have my house cleaned up and on the market. I haven't been able to motivate myself to do that. Is that common in early sobriety? I would think the necessity would be enough motivation.
I know it is still early. I guess I expected bigger energy gains by now. If you are at 2 months and feeling much better, maybe I will, too. I miss having wine and feeling giggly, silly, and confident. It is difficult for me to think I can never have that part back again. I know so much has to change and improve in my life, though. That won't happen if I am drinking. I'm just so bored, but yet have no energy to do anything about it. At 3 weeks out of work, I should have my house cleaned up and on the market. I haven't been able to motivate myself to do that. Is that common in early sobriety? I would think the necessity would be enough motivation.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 50,324
I was absolutely exhausted for a couple months. We've beaten ourselves up quite badly & need to time to recover. You will get there - but maybe you'd feel better if you checked with your doctor.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Cimarron, KS
Posts: 42
"That was fun for a long time, but there before I stopped, it wasn't fun anymore. I would skip over the happy phase and go straight to numb (which I wanted) and then straight to blackout. Why do you start to black out on the same amount you always drank or less??"
TOTALY ME last few months before my will to keep drinking gave up.(body too)
1 day 1 moment
TOTALY ME last few months before my will to keep drinking gave up.(body too)
1 day 1 moment
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
