How do I support my bf with a meth problem
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: melbourne
Posts: 4
How do I support my bf with a meth problem
So ive been with my bf 3 years now, living together for 2....
I just broke up with him on wed, bc i caught him out lying about what he needed to borrow some money for, he came up with a story it was for his dad, for his brothers 30th that weekend.
I had borrowed some money off his dad for my car- that was playing up 4 months ago $500- i gave the money back to my partner, but i knew he didnt give it to his dad right away... i had a feeling the money wasnt for his dad, so i decided to finally bite the bullet and ask his dad straight... he had not been asking for the money, nor had any of it been paid back... i confronted my partner who denied it, and finally admitted it was a tick debt.
so ive always known by bf enjoys a puff... supposedly every now and then, lets say 3-4 weeks... ? even that is more often than he is leadin me to beleive.
ive caught him out 3 time in the last 4 weeks, where he has lied to me about something to do with having or getting meth....
on top of this, i deal with on daily basis, a partner who is tired, cranky, grumpy and snapping at me most the time... i come home from work, and he is in bed at 630... gets up to eat then back to bed. to me it seems he is coming down, but he will come up with excuses, its either sore tooth, back, foot, head ache etc.
I love this guy to death but i just culdnt put up with this behavior anymore so i left him.... my own health was deteriorating, anxiety, stomach in knots, exhausted... i just couldnt cope, ive been thru similar issues with my ex, so its not new having to deal with DR*G issues in my life, im no angel either, in my party days when i was 20-23 i was doing all these things, but now im 29 its not how i want my life to be, ive scene it destroy lives, and im not even anti Dr*gs, if its sumthing u do once every 6 months or whatever.
when i spoke to his parents, his mum told me its sumthing they have been dealing with for 6 years with him, he is careless with his money bc he spends it on that sh*t which is why now, he always has no money, i look after the finances but the 300-350 he is left with per week, is gone to two days....??
so everything hit the fan last night, his dad confronted him, infront of the whole family.. called him a junkie scumbag, piece of ****, ur losing a good girl over that crap, and then of course my now ex partner, called me and abused me, saying i did the one thing he asked me not to do is to go to his parents, bc he knows what theyre like....
my bf was not making any sense in the last two days ive spoken to him, once moment he needs time to think and sort himself out, and see if he can be the man i want him to be, - this is get off the pipe, and go to the dr for his sleep apnea issues, we cant even sleep in same room he snores so bad... thats all i want... i know the pipe has ruined our relationship. when ive spoken to him yesterday hed say one thing, then contractdict another statement, then get in a ranting rage, then sound like he is falling apart, im really worried about him, i think this may be rock bottom for him... im worried, for him, he has bad stomach ulcers, i feel bad for him, he is all on his own now... i know this is all because of his own behavior, but the good side of me also blames myself....
he blames me for the relatio ship falling apart saying he feels rejected by me... i tell him i love u, ur behvior is turning me off, u wont get out of bed, sometimes u dont even shower everyday? how can i want to have Se* with u....?
can u guys please help me get my head straight around this, so i dont have a nervous breakdown watching my partner go down hill and push me away and who wants nothing to do with me now... he of course thinks he has no problem, hes like what with all the dr**gs, its a lousy couple of points... Yeh but how often...?
I just broke up with him on wed, bc i caught him out lying about what he needed to borrow some money for, he came up with a story it was for his dad, for his brothers 30th that weekend.
I had borrowed some money off his dad for my car- that was playing up 4 months ago $500- i gave the money back to my partner, but i knew he didnt give it to his dad right away... i had a feeling the money wasnt for his dad, so i decided to finally bite the bullet and ask his dad straight... he had not been asking for the money, nor had any of it been paid back... i confronted my partner who denied it, and finally admitted it was a tick debt.
so ive always known by bf enjoys a puff... supposedly every now and then, lets say 3-4 weeks... ? even that is more often than he is leadin me to beleive.
ive caught him out 3 time in the last 4 weeks, where he has lied to me about something to do with having or getting meth....
on top of this, i deal with on daily basis, a partner who is tired, cranky, grumpy and snapping at me most the time... i come home from work, and he is in bed at 630... gets up to eat then back to bed. to me it seems he is coming down, but he will come up with excuses, its either sore tooth, back, foot, head ache etc.
I love this guy to death but i just culdnt put up with this behavior anymore so i left him.... my own health was deteriorating, anxiety, stomach in knots, exhausted... i just couldnt cope, ive been thru similar issues with my ex, so its not new having to deal with DR*G issues in my life, im no angel either, in my party days when i was 20-23 i was doing all these things, but now im 29 its not how i want my life to be, ive scene it destroy lives, and im not even anti Dr*gs, if its sumthing u do once every 6 months or whatever.
when i spoke to his parents, his mum told me its sumthing they have been dealing with for 6 years with him, he is careless with his money bc he spends it on that sh*t which is why now, he always has no money, i look after the finances but the 300-350 he is left with per week, is gone to two days....??
so everything hit the fan last night, his dad confronted him, infront of the whole family.. called him a junkie scumbag, piece of ****, ur losing a good girl over that crap, and then of course my now ex partner, called me and abused me, saying i did the one thing he asked me not to do is to go to his parents, bc he knows what theyre like....
my bf was not making any sense in the last two days ive spoken to him, once moment he needs time to think and sort himself out, and see if he can be the man i want him to be, - this is get off the pipe, and go to the dr for his sleep apnea issues, we cant even sleep in same room he snores so bad... thats all i want... i know the pipe has ruined our relationship. when ive spoken to him yesterday hed say one thing, then contractdict another statement, then get in a ranting rage, then sound like he is falling apart, im really worried about him, i think this may be rock bottom for him... im worried, for him, he has bad stomach ulcers, i feel bad for him, he is all on his own now... i know this is all because of his own behavior, but the good side of me also blames myself....
he blames me for the relatio ship falling apart saying he feels rejected by me... i tell him i love u, ur behvior is turning me off, u wont get out of bed, sometimes u dont even shower everyday? how can i want to have Se* with u....?
can u guys please help me get my head straight around this, so i dont have a nervous breakdown watching my partner go down hill and push me away and who wants nothing to do with me now... he of course thinks he has no problem, hes like what with all the dr**gs, its a lousy couple of points... Yeh but how often...?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to SR! 
Seems like a good thing you broke up with him as he isn't bringing anything good into the relationship. Try hard to let him go, you can't control his behavior or attitude. This break can be what you need to get your life back and some peace of mind.
Can you go no contact with him? Might be the best thing to do if he's only blaming you for everything, which is typical of an addict. Don't let him drag you down. Or, as the bumper sticker said: Let go or be dragged.
Seems like a good thing you broke up with him as he isn't bringing anything good into the relationship. Try hard to let him go, you can't control his behavior or attitude. This break can be what you need to get your life back and some peace of mind.
Can you go no contact with him? Might be the best thing to do if he's only blaming you for everything, which is typical of an addict. Don't let him drag you down. Or, as the bumper sticker said: Let go or be dragged.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: melbourne
Posts: 4
for ur response i need all the help and advice i can get.Yeh look i can go without contacting him its not what i want,
My whole idea in breaking up with him was to hopefully shock him, and get him to "fix" himself...
and hopefully work things out in 2-3 months, he is a good day, he just has a problem, that he cant even say...
now with his family involved.... he doesnt have many people left....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
you're not match for meth addiction leesah. it really is in YOUR best interests to steer clear of him and his family and work on getting you healthy and feeling good again. he's sound uber paranoid and psychotic, which is what the drug does to you. his brains are scrambled, he's basically crazy...and dangerous. this isn't something that will fix itself in a couple of months and all will be hunky dory. he's a meth addict, has been for years, and it's getting worse.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
There's some really great advice here missleesah - Welcome 
I wish that love could cure addiction but thats not normally the case
your bf/ex needs to want to be clean and sober...you can't drag him there or make him want it.
I don't want to discourage you - recovery does happen - lots - but it needs to be his desire, not yours.
I hope you'll take note of the other posts here and take care of yourself in all of this
D
I wish that love could cure addiction but thats not normally the case
your bf/ex needs to want to be clean and sober...you can't drag him there or make him want it.
I don't want to discourage you - recovery does happen - lots - but it needs to be his desire, not yours.
I hope you'll take note of the other posts here and take care of yourself in all of this
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: melbourne
Posts: 4
thanks anvil head, u are right, his parent told me theyhave been dealing with this for years... i had no idea it is as bad as it is..... i thought it was recreational like my usage was when i used to party in my early twenties....
now i dont touch the stuff.... last did in october and hated it, last few times i have used, i hated it- its not for me anymore...
last night he said to me whats the big deal why does everyone think im a drug addict, whats a few lousey points....? im thinking yeh but how often.....
now i dont touch the stuff.... last did in october and hated it, last few times i have used, i hated it- its not for me anymore...
last night he said to me whats the big deal why does everyone think im a drug addict, whats a few lousey points....? im thinking yeh but how often.....
Closing the gates of Oblivion
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: OK, USA
Posts: 273
Admitting that he has a problem doesn't mean that he wants to change anything or get help.
Sadly, unless you have an endless money supply, I believe he will break your bank and leave you in squaller.
It would be best for your sanity to leave him be and hope that one day he will seek help. You need to keep your sobriety and keep your life on track first.
Sadly, unless you have an endless money supply, I believe he will break your bank and leave you in squaller.
It would be best for your sanity to leave him be and hope that one day he will seek help. You need to keep your sobriety and keep your life on track first.
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