"somewhere else"
 

I'd always been a consistent drinking alcoholic as opposed to a binger. however, there were times when a few days in a row would escalate to the binge level. always after I would realize what I missed during that time. the girls' homework/projects (school projects are always my thing), A+ test scores, timeless moments in athletics (the ones were the team loses mercilessly, but your child excels).
And, at the end of these "binges" I would realize that I missed my husband. Not only missed out, but I actually missed him because I was "somewhere else".
I wrote a message to him in the recent past, "I miss you. sorry I've been such a jerk". He wrote back, "I miss you too".

That's sweet. I know all about the days, events and people I missed while drinking.
I was a consistent drunk, too. The days I wasn't laying in bed recovering, I was drinking.
I missed so much of life.
Best to you aand your family.

I was an all day every day drinker too. :( I too missed a lot of things. Thankfully don't miss anything anymore. :)

Ghostlight1 ... "the recovery days" ... Mommy's sick right now

Wow, your post really touched me! Especially the bit about missing your husband.
Isn't it nice to be emotionally present for family. I feel guilty when I look back so now I try to only look forward.
Your post gave me a reminder of why I am sober, thank you:)

My son is in college now. I always made sure I had a good dinner for him, and in highschool the most time I got with him was sharing a couple shows while we ate together. Then off to his room he would go and I would continue clutching my wine glass until I went to bed. Now I wonder if he stayed in his room because I was drinking or if that was just his teenage tendency. He is in his second year at UNC, and I doubt myself all the time on what kind of parent I was to him. Those are years I can't get back. And, I have so few memories. The thing is I was the woman that stopped drinking 3 months prior to even trying to get pregnant. Took prenatal vitamins, too. Then didn't drink the entire pregnancy or the 15 months he breast fed. That woman ended up like this. It breaks my heart that I didn't give him the best me that I could have been.

How do you forgive yourself? You can't make it up.

FindTheAnswer,
Wow.
I usually find Least to have great feedback. Also, Apophylite gave the best on this, "I feel guilty when I look back so now I try to only look forward".
I forgive myself every day, over coffee.
No, you can't make it up ... you can only look forward. The guilt and the wasted time will kill you if you let it. so don't let it.
easier said than done, but you can't change the past. however you can make the best of the present and future. doing that is enough to win his heart. after all he loves you and being healthy now is the best you can ever do.
there is always time to make more, new memories.
and, something I'm often told, "don't be so hard on yourself".