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Need support

Old 03-02-2014, 10:02 AM
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Need support

Dear Friends,
I am 45 and I have been drinking past the social point for 14 years. The last 5 heavy and I increased my drinking in the last couple of years. Basically I drink a full 26 oz of rum a day. I've put on weight too and I look older. I am muscular with a huge belly. I am handsome and I have bags under my eyes. I guess I care more about my appearance than my health thinking the health problems won't come until later in life. Talk about being in denial. I drink for 2 reasons. 1- I am an alcoholic 2- I don't know how to have fun without drinking. Well that's not true because drinking for me is anti social and total isolation. I feel so alone so i drink and I am alone because I drink. Talk about a vicious cirlcle. my days off are horrible. I am hungover all morning then I start drinking early in the afternoon and pass out around 8 pm on the couch. I wake up when the alcohol wears off somewhere between 3-4 am.
It all ends today! no more! I am not a twelve step kind a guy but I do need support. I may go to a meeting today but don't count on me for going every day. Any encouragement will help.

I quit a year and a half ago for 19 days and it went well as far as withdrawal and I didn't have problems sleeping. I sweated a lot and my bones itched. My ex girlfriend who as drop dead gorgeous and would also make the devil blush gave me 0 support, 0 encouragement but insisted that I have a beer with her at a concert. I repeatly told her I didn't drink anymore but she insisted until I had a beer. This was the most destructive relationship I have ever been in. Cheating, abuse and lying was a normal daily event for me and there is no doubt about her emotional state. I had quit smoking 3 packs a day a few months earlier and again 0 words of praise or encouragement. So I think she didnt want to accept my success or that she was on a destructive path. It took 2 years for me to recover from this very abusive relationship. I hit the bottle hard and what great reasons I had to drink. Was it her fault for me drinking again?. I think it was more my fault for putting myself in this situation.
Today, I am free of her, I have no stress, no other problems so there is really no reason for me to drink besides the fact that I am an alcoholic.

I am out of time as well because of work. I am starting a new job which is sensitive and I will work late at night and early in the morning leaving no legal time to drink. Maybe this job is god sent but I have no choice. I absolutely cannot drink.

I comfort myself knowing that the benefits of quitting are huge in all aspects of my life. Health, apperance, social....but i am scared of failing and of all the misery I will have to go through. I am strong though so any comments, encouragement and support will be greatly appreciated. So far i have been sober 15 hours.Thank you so much
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Old 03-02-2014, 10:23 AM
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It sounds like a good time to quit. Search this site and the web for alternatives to AA if that's not your thing. Rational recovery, mindfulness... there are options.

Also, monitor your withdrawal closely and consider medical attention if symptoms become overwhelming or dangerous. Blood pressure, especially. Mine went up a lot when I quit.

You will find support here. Welcome.
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Old 03-02-2014, 10:33 AM
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Hi nicolas welcome to SR. You will find a lot of support here, keep visiting and posting. We help each other, they are a great bunch.

I hope your new job went well.

We know what you're going through at some stage and my surprise was when I became sober, easier said than done!, it was just the beginning for me, learning to live sober, without that prop. It can be done, though.
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Old 03-02-2014, 10:38 AM
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Welcome Nicolas! Glad you are here, this is a awesome place for support and encouragement. Glad you have decided to get sober. The new job sounds like it could be a great incentive to start a new sober and successful life. Sounds like your ex is an ex for a reason, we need people in lives to be our cheerleaders and stand by us. I understand the meetings thing because they are very on and off for me. I don't go everyday or even once a week, I go when I feel like it because putting demands on myself like that makes me want to rebel against it and that always ends up in a bad place. Keep your head up the hardest part will be over soon.
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Old 03-02-2014, 10:49 AM
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Wow! I know exactly what you mean in your first paragraph. Drinking for me was the same way. I was lonely so I drank and drinking kept me that way. I'm still fairly new and I'm just now learning how to live without drinking. Today has been a fun day for me and I was actually all by myself. I took my dog to the beach then to the dog park. At the dog park I enjoyed watching her play as well as talking with other dog parents. It's the little things right now for me that I am finding enjoyment in. I don't have a social life right now, but that's ok because I'm getting well. I'm also learning I don't have to have a social life to make me happy. Someone once told me that I have to find what makes me happy. That's what I'm on a journey to do. I would encourage you to do the same thing. You'll be surprised at the things that actually bring you happiness. Don't get me wrong, I look forward to the day when I am social again....I'm just not going to rush the process. I'm taking time to smell the roses. lol

Good luck! Congrats on the new job!
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Old 03-02-2014, 01:57 PM
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Welcome Nicolas xxxxx
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Old 03-02-2014, 02:02 PM
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Welcome to the SR family. You've come to a very supportive site. If you get thoughts of drinking, come here and post instead. Let us help talk you out of it. We're here to help you on your sober journey. Glad you joined us.
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Old 03-02-2014, 02:12 PM
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Welcome nicolas870
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Old 03-02-2014, 02:21 PM
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Hi Nicolas, Welcome to the revolution! I read posts on this site for over a year while recovering and it really helps. I am just now starting to post with a little over a year sober. I too, am not a 12 stepper, but know that it helps many. I chose to go to a counselor who overcame alcohol addiction himself to figure out how to get this done. I have found that truly identifying why you are self medicating is one of the obvious keys. In parallel, I have started working out a ton, worked to find new hobbies, and have become very aware of the alcoholic voice and where it can ultimately lead me... Drinking gin when I wake up in the middle of night because my body was addicted. Would never wish that situation on anyone....truly a living hell!!

Only you will find the right combination of efforts to get you through this...And you will slowly realize how great not having to self medicate feels! Best of luck and keep in touch!
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