The VOICE
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: South Shore, MA
Posts: 348
The VOICE
Day 15.....STILL feeling like hell. Taking vitamins, extra b complex, tons of water....the exhaustion is almost crippling, still having headaches and wake with nausea most days. never mind the occasional jerks that still linger. Ache in my right side is still there as well, though I think it may improve the tiniest sliver each day. But I am a much better Mom and wife. I absolutely love having conversations with my husband, they include smiles and laughter. My time with my kids has had a massive jump in quality, I just look at them in awe, hearing their opinions and stories, they truly move me. My pride and love for them overwhelms me. Ran into an acquaintance yesterday, wonderful girl, great person and Mom, suggested we get together for drinks....innocent request and one certainly I am associated with and BOOM! There was a bizarre internal EXPlOsIoN!!! Not sure if it was thought of drinks, or how to deal with being asked to drink, but it was not defined except by BOOM!!! 15 days in and I find myself feeling so bad that I can't imagine how I feel if I were to drink, but my voice is raising the volume! look at you! You are fine, you went
Overboard. Felt bad after drinking, throw in some Pms, it was just a bad stretch. You're ok, just take a break and them take it slow! Holy evil part of my brain! I know if I sat down to alcohol today, I would slam it down and drink as much as I could. I am imagining talking to family or close friends, I know my family wouldn't say a word except support me, but some friends are going to question me, say I am fine, they don't see me at home after the party or dinner or alone most of the time. I am afraid of that, deathly afraid. I am afraid of thinking ahead, I know I know I am not supposed to, but that all feeds that voice and makes it louder and louder!!! My physical state gives me some power against the voice, but what happens when I start to feel good???? That scares me.......and when exactly is that coming???
Overboard. Felt bad after drinking, throw in some Pms, it was just a bad stretch. You're ok, just take a break and them take it slow! Holy evil part of my brain! I know if I sat down to alcohol today, I would slam it down and drink as much as I could. I am imagining talking to family or close friends, I know my family wouldn't say a word except support me, but some friends are going to question me, say I am fine, they don't see me at home after the party or dinner or alone most of the time. I am afraid of that, deathly afraid. I am afraid of thinking ahead, I know I know I am not supposed to, but that all feeds that voice and makes it louder and louder!!! My physical state gives me some power against the voice, but what happens when I start to feel good???? That scares me.......and when exactly is that coming???
hang in there... what you're going through is totally normal.
Recognize The VOICE for what it is; your addictive mind cringing and crying out to get you back to what it wants.... and destroy you in the process. Relish and cherish and focus on those conversations with your husband and laughter and smiles and every little shred of golden gifted goodness you're seeing emerge from your sobriety. There are lots of challenging parts - but there are just as many beautiful parts and we will magnify and be given more of what we focus on.
You can do this.... stay on the path.
Recognize The VOICE for what it is; your addictive mind cringing and crying out to get you back to what it wants.... and destroy you in the process. Relish and cherish and focus on those conversations with your husband and laughter and smiles and every little shred of golden gifted goodness you're seeing emerge from your sobriety. There are lots of challenging parts - but there are just as many beautiful parts and we will magnify and be given more of what we focus on.
You can do this.... stay on the path.
Congratulations on 15 days!
The beginning can be grueling but please hang in there. I know that sometimes it's hard but go somewhere alone and say out loud to yourself "All that I have to think about is right now". Really, say it to yourself. Then feel the relief that comes with it.
You recognize that the thoughts that you're having are nothing more than turning the wrong way on the path.
You're questioning what happens when you start to feel good. Don't worry about that right now, just stay in the moment. You've got a lot of great things going on with your family. Focus on that.
I promise that there is going to come a point in time that you're going to wonder what alcohol did for you in the first place. You're going to see it for exactly what it is, an addiction that does nothing but lie to you.
It gets better, so much better that I can't even describe it to you and I am well past the pink cloud. They are real feelings, the true feelings of joy and happiness that alcohol takes from you.
You CAN do this! It gets better, I promise.
The beginning can be grueling but please hang in there. I know that sometimes it's hard but go somewhere alone and say out loud to yourself "All that I have to think about is right now". Really, say it to yourself. Then feel the relief that comes with it.
You recognize that the thoughts that you're having are nothing more than turning the wrong way on the path.
You're questioning what happens when you start to feel good. Don't worry about that right now, just stay in the moment. You've got a lot of great things going on with your family. Focus on that.
I promise that there is going to come a point in time that you're going to wonder what alcohol did for you in the first place. You're going to see it for exactly what it is, an addiction that does nothing but lie to you.
It gets better, so much better that I can't even describe it to you and I am well past the pink cloud. They are real feelings, the true feelings of joy and happiness that alcohol takes from you.
You CAN do this! It gets better, I promise.
Fifteen days is very early in recovery. Give yourself more time to build up your sober strength. You'll start feeling better and stronger each time you refuse to give in to the Voice.
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