Gazza

So im back again after a long time away. Im on 8 days sober.

I read my old posts dont relate to them at all. Its wierd i was on some kind of hyper religious high.

Now its just me.

Im not keen on AA this time. Im taking antabuse and will find a counsellor.

Just opening this thread for focus and sense of comminity.

be well all.
G

least

Congrats on 8 days sober. I hope you can find a good counselor.

Erratic

Good job on day 8 x

Dee74

Welcome back Gazza - good to see you again

D

KateL

Congrats on 8 days xxx

Gazza

thanks for the support all. One thing i noticed yesterday is I have too much energy some times like Im agitated and restless, and at oher times Im sleepy.

I rember from lastime I quit drinking the sleepiness passes but the agitation is another matter. This agitation sometims comes out as anger and impulsive behaviour, I remember this from my early teens and wonder if I was self medicating this tension away with drinking.

so ive been exercising and I have some meditation tapes, also a yoga thing on the xbox Im going to try to use these regularly. This may be something a counsellor can help with, will look in the phone book today and find a candidate.

be well all
G

zerothehero

Sounds like you're on the right track. I think a counselor could help with your questions about agitation, etc. At first I resisted the idea that much of my partying and adventurous living was about avoiding difficult emotional states, but I've surrendered - it's true. Compassion for self, investigating while letting go of the past, and learning healthier responses to those negative emotions have been key for me. There are days I feel great, and then I feel like I've been hit upside with a brick. At almost ten weeks I can now say the good days far outnumber the challenging ones. Find a program, create a program, or just do what works. I'm feeling the benefits, and I think you will, too.

Charliee

Glad your back!! Sometimes all you need is a new perspective. Good luck

mlynncooper

If we fall, get back up. The key is to never stop trying. Congratulations on 8 days. Success comes from presistence!

FreeOwl

right on Gazza.

Welcome back!

Gazza

Found a counsellor. Will call and make an appointment today.

This thread is helping without it I would have procrastinated on finding a counsellor. No desire to drink on the radar though is a stag do and a work do.

Do I skip them or go sober?

Im thinking Ill skip the stag but do the work do. Stag is a bit hardcore really. Im thinking of one day at a time, but also the need for a little planning.

thanks
G

Dee74

Like I said to someone else recently, if you're not sure you can go and stay sober, it's wisest to miss them.

D

Gazza

Checking in sober but alternating sad with angry. Appointment made for next week.
12 days sober.
Be well all G.

PurpleKnight

Great Job on 12 days!! . . . keep pushing through!!

mlynncooper

Congrats on 12 days that's GREAT!!!!! Keep up the good WORK and it is WORK.... I know, but is possible and yes you...... you can do it! I love you & so does God. Keep smiling for you never know who's falling in love with it!

Gazza

Thanks guys. It is work, but it seems to me like it shouldnt be. I mean why would maintaining a natural state (sobriety) be so much harder than a false drunken one?

I feel an inner tension and a feeling of unreality. I get depressed then angry irritable. I wonder if its because my body has adjusted to alcohol or if I had an inbalance to begin with.

Most likely both I guess. wouldnt have thought withdrawl would last these long really. Coffee seems to have more effect but I just have more energy and dont know how to deal with it. Gonna cut down a coffee a bit.

This is why taking antabuse without doing recovery work doesnt work most of the time, you go crazy and stop taking them.

Hopefully counsellor can help. Will try meditating and relaxation tapes. Reading a novel for escape.

Either way I will not drink over it.
G

Gazza

been thinking about this why is it hard for me to be sober I think the answer is this. I have trouble dealing with stress and negative emotions. I find unpleasant feelings of tension and anxiety rise up and to get rid of them I normally drink. Doing this has in turn strengthened the craving to drink. This is because Im an addict and beating an addiction is hard and takes work. The situation is what it is its not really helpful for me to compare myself to others who deal with things better, I have my own crap to deal with.

I started reading a book called Integrative Recovery. It seems good so far, its the last on a list of books I have read including the Big Book and Rational Recovery. Surprisingly it seems a bit pf a cross between the two.

Just gotta stick it out.

SillyString

Gazza,
I think you're last post is spot on. Also, don't forget these are early sober days, and it takes time for your body bad mind to adjust. Please google PAWS, which is a real thing, and stands for post acute withdrawal syndrome. Many people experience fluctuations in mood, energy and physical wellness for a while after the initial "acute" withdrawal/detox is over. It's not "you" necessarily, or at least not ALL "you", but this physiological response to taking away the alcohol. PAWS can last different amounts of time for each individual. Everyone's different. But if you can just get through this initial stage, I promise, it gets SO MUCH BETTER.

I have felt better physically and mentally along the way so far literally every few days, and certainly every week. I do have my fleeting moments of feeling nostalgic over drinking, however, I play the tape forward, and see massive, crippling hangovers that lasted for days, tearful apologies and intense anxiety over what I may have said or done in my weekly blackouts. It was awful. This is not awful. It feels a lot like peace.

Thanks for the book recommendation! Sounds interesting!!

Gazza

Thanks Sillystring I read the wikipedia article on PAWS it was helpful. I appreciate your feedback.

All good today, lots of sunshine.
thanks G

Gazza

Councillor was good, I thing its a person I can work with. He believes I am addicted to anger in addition to my two other addictions. I dont think thats far off, I get angry a lots mishandled upsets and surpressiing negative emotions, then I drink or use to escape the anger since it is an unpleasant feeling.

He views alcohol and drugs as substitute for proper feeling which over my time of using (25 yrs+) have become reinforced pathways in the brain. Dont thing its far off, seeing anger as an addiction actually see s right to me, Ive always had a problem with it.

Doctors appointment tommorow, for the controversal around here but nevertheless working Antabuse.

19 Days sober today.

thanks
G