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My insane (long) story...

Old 03-01-2014, 09:42 AM
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My insane (long) story...

My story is so long and complicated. And totally insane. I'll try to sum up the big parts. I'm 38 with a spectacular husband and 4 young children....And def an alcoholic.
2000 -Dad becomes full blown alcoholic (wasn't when I was growing up) not sure what brought it on. He was a PA, Air Force veteran and all around great man. 2001 - I married a bipolar alcoholic (hindsight ugh) had 3 kids between 2002 & 2006 2007 - my husband after rehabs & counseling, shot & killed himself because I was leaving him. We were not present in the moment. Thank God 2009 - remarried a man sent straight from heaven. He's my best friend and adopted all 3 kids right away. Then we had a 4th. 2010 - 1 sister (I have 5) after long battle in and out of hospitals, rehabs, DUI, lands in jail (alcohol). Proceeds on to rehab, halfway house, sober house, etc and now has 3 years sober. Doing great. She's currently 30. 2011- I had gastric bypass and fell in love w alcohol. Go figure. 2012 - dad died suddenly at 58 (alcohol), mom starts drinking like crazy and me & other younger sisters follow suit. 2014- Another sister off to rehab, sober house etc. has a few months in. Doing ok (she's 23). The next sis is drinking herself to death. 29 years old with pancreatitis. 4 hospital detox's in 2 months. Just spent last 2 weeks in psych ward bc still refuses rehab. Was discharged to her own devices on thurs, went to moms & the whole family ganged up on her, called the cops and had her sent back to the hospital (she drank).

So you can see why I want to go get some wine asap. But you can also see why I can't, why I have to be strong, for too many reasons. Oh, and did I mention I'm a psych RN? It's also so unreal Because these are all amazing, beautiful, well educated people.... WHAT A DEMON! Thanks for the ear.
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Old 03-01-2014, 09:45 AM
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Ah yes. A healer, a caretaker! You are not alone. Welcome. Thanks for sharing and joining SR.
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Old 03-01-2014, 09:47 AM
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I'm so sorry to hear that. How horrible, it's just everywhere for you. Glad you have a great support system with your husband. Have you attempted sobriety yet?
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Old 03-01-2014, 10:02 AM
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Welcome! You certainly have a well rounded experience, all the family history, and the RN in Psych tops it off. I believe that type of history can be rephrased to be labeled a great foundation for sobriety; and don't think you need a lecture why. Use your life skills & experiences to take care of yourself, and the rest will fall in place. One Day At A Time. Keep Coming Back here, we're a great community & resource.
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Old 03-01-2014, 11:47 AM
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Welcome to a very friendly and supportive site.
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Old 03-01-2014, 11:58 AM
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Welcome Lizlife xxxx
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Old 03-01-2014, 02:59 PM
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Welcome Lizlife

It saddens me to read the destruction addiction has wrought on your family...But I'm really glad you've found us - there's a wonderful wealth of support here

D
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Old 03-01-2014, 03:07 PM
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Hi Lizlife , welcome to SR. Lots of people here with a family history of alcoholics . It sure is a demon.
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Old 03-02-2014, 03:43 AM
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Thank you all so much. I just started getting into this, and it's clear I need it.
I am a mess.
I am also determined. But I can NOT tell anyone anything. I am "the rock" and HAVE to get a handle on this ASAP because I am all everyone has. Does that make sense? Too many people count on me, which makes me want to drink & is exactly why I can't drink. Ugh.
Most recently (today) I need to help my sis get back to treatment. She's in some crappy hotel fighting for her life. My other family members are "over it" & I am her only life line. In the meantime, I'm drinking to deal. WTF? I don't know how to help her or what to do. Oh, and my husband is traveling (my rock), I have 4 kids & she's about an hour away. AND a storm is coming. Ugh.

I doubt anyone can help. But I need to vent. And drink apparently.
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Old 03-02-2014, 03:54 AM
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I was the go to guy too, and the stress of that was one of the reasons I drank.

Drinking was killing me and, ironically, was making me be there less and less for the people I felt I had a responsibility for...

I had to get real about which were my responsibilities and which weren't. Lots of things weren;t my problems to fix.

When I stepped back people didn't fall apart. They actually dealt with their own issues - or found someone else to deal with them for them....

Even if you don't think that applies....you know how on a plane they tell moms to put their oxygen mask on first so they can then care for their children?

Recovery is your oxygen mask. Look after yourself. People will get by with out you, as improbable as that may seem right now.

If you don't look after yourself, this addiction will lead you to be less and less present.
Someday you may not be there at all....

It's ok to put yourself at #1 for now. It's not selfishness, it's survival.

D
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Old 03-02-2014, 03:57 AM
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Welcome liz...you will find the support you need here and figure things out...I hope you can get to the place where you realize that you don't have to drink to deal.
it's not a race, but reading here will give you some insight and better perspective of your own issues.
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Old 03-02-2014, 06:06 AM
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Exactly what Dee said. This was my experience as well.

Save yourself.
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Old 03-02-2014, 06:53 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Recovery is your oxygen mask.
D
I love this.

Hope you're having a better day today. xx
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