Starting again & needing some advice!
 

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to post something here and get my intention out of my head so that it's more real.

I had a phone call from my mum yesterday and then went out to meet a friend immediately after and had a few glasses of wine. I justified the first one in my head (always a bad idea) and then by the time I finished the first, my inhibitions had been worn down. I actually got drunk which is unusual for me as I used to drink more and become woozy but I think because I went for sometime sober, it was a bit of a shock to my body.

My partner doesn't drink so when I got home he knew I was drunk and he's so lovely he really looked after me. I had a bath and threw up then fell asleep. I was slurring my words and talking absolute rubbish.

I know what's done is done and today is a new day so I can only move forward, but I can't seem to get any peace of mind.

I've been reading a lot over the past couple of weeks and I hear about people trying to keep their lives simple. It makes a lot of sense to me but it seems like it's unobtainable for me. I have things in place to help myself but as soon as I'm in a situation with other people or more specifically, my family, I just revert back to how I've always been which is highly strung, neurotic and my mood just hits the floor. I can't seem to escape it.

Sorry for blabbing on as always and again, thank you to the members of this forum. I am so grateful for everyone's contributions as I've learned and shared so much over the past couple of weeks. :thanks

Hi randummy
I'm glad you made it back so soon.

I had a lot of trouble with my family too. I found I couldn't keep using them as an excuse to drink tho.

I had to accept I couldn't change them, only me.

I tried hard to change my reactions to them. I tried hard to accept that the things they did and said were more about them than about me.

I made sure I had sober support so I could talk to non crazy people.

All that worked to a point, but for a while I had to restrict contact to phone calls.

I got better at dealing with them and they got a little better at dealing with me. They're no longer a trigger for me :)

I hope you can get to that point too.

Make this the last time you drink at them, rand.

D

I got triggered tonight by my ex. I realized that I use drinking as a 'coping' skill.
I stayed sober, so that is good. I got to look at the 'moment' and realize I just
was looking to escape feeling those feelings....
I am glad you came back Rand.
I can't stand the hangovers and feeling so sick!
I just remember that when I have the triggers and so far it is working :)

Thanks guys :-)

As was told to me more than once: forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again. :)

Onward, Randummy! You can't succeed if you quit, right? So just keep on fighting. You will get there!

Oh yeah. Family can push my buttons. I remember one time after talking to a family member where I wanted a drink so badly I just got into the shower and let the water run over my head until it went cold. It was my way of shocking my system.

My relapse in January was during a 10 day family visit. I've always felt like the odd man out with my family and I too notice my demeaner changes around them. But like Dee said, you can only change how you react to them, and you seem to know that too. Good for coming back so soon, dust yourself off and keep going!