badatbooze

Hey. I have fifteen days sober and I have been really positive. Today I took an hour drive with my wife to go shopping. All good for half the day but after awhile I started getting annoyed with all of the people. I usually don't go shopping..only on rare occasions when she drives and I drink. I managed but on the way home had a panicked type attack or something and had to pull over and let her drive. I felt fine by the time we got home. While we were unloading the car I went to put some things in the garage fridge and noticed the four beers I thought I had stashed were gone. I know I should have dumped them but I wanted them there for some reason. Like if they were there I would be ok. The fact they are gone has ruined my night. It seemed to instantly puss me off. I didn't want to drink them. I guess I just felt safe having them in there. They were left overs from my eighteen pack and pint of whiskey 15 days ago. I should have just dumped them. I do not want to drink. I like the direction I'm going and how I have been feeling but for some reason when I noticed that beer was gone I was nearly overwhelmed with the desire to go get some more. I will feel better in the morning. It was the same way when I used to smoke pot. Even years after I stopped I would still keeps some around. That's just weird isn't it. Sorry for rambling but I feel better already just talking about it.

matt4x4

I hear ya, I get annoyed at large crowds as well. Primarly because there are a lot of stupid people around, texting and walking, blocking aisles, sneezing on you, running into you, people counting out $19 worth of coins.

You wanted those 4 beers there to drink. Why not go out and buy more booze, if you want to drink. Simple.

Ok so now you dont want to drink, good for you. You were overwhelmed becuase you are an alcoholic who likes to have his booze around, to drink. Whether you hide it or not.

Dee74

You should have dumped them. Someone else did.

It's ok to feel a little panicked - the safety net is gone....the little addiction imp is freaking out...but it's ok...you're not alone - there's a lot of hands here to help keep you upright

You'll be fine in a day or two and actually be glad those beers are gone, badatbooze

D

badatbooze

I'm better already. I look back at the last few years and I have plenty of ammunition to stay sober. Today was the first bad anxiety in a week. But like I said I'm usually drinking if I'm shopping with the wife..shame. I have been hiding behind alcohol since I was 13 so I know it's going to take time. I have a case of homebrew curing that's getting dumped tomorrow. Maybe target practice but bullets are gettig hard to come by these days. Ha!

MythOfSisyphus

My dad was like that with cigarettes. When he decided to quit he had a whole unopened carton on top of the fridge. He told Mom not to throw them away just in case he really needed one. Well, after two years without smoking he finally let Mom toss 'em out. It was a security blanket for him, just like those last four beers were for you.

You have the right idea, though. Tomorrow you'll feel better, you said it yourself. Just try to tell yourself that it's just a moment, to be followed by other moments.

least

Good going on reaching 15 days sober!