hopefulyogi

I really, truly believe this is the root of all my problems. I am lonely. Like that really deep aching in your chest kind of lonely. I so badly want close relationships but I can't seem to ever do them correctly. I cling, I take too much, I love too intensely, I scare people. I hurt people. I've gotten to a point where I no longer think I am a good person deep down. I feel like I am a horrible, selfish, worthless person who is just trying to deserve to exist by doing as many good things each day as I possibly can. I told my AA sponsor today it wasn't a good fit after I caught her in several lies to get out of having to meet with me (surprise....I asked for too much and hurt someone again). And I am really feeling like trying to find another sponsor or make any new friends in AA would be a horribly selfish thing to do as I know I am likely to as too much and need too much and anger or hurt them as well. I desperately do not want to be alone but I'm not sure I deserve to be in relationships anymore. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Forghetti35

I suggest you talk to as many people as possible about this. The more you speak about it, the more you are accountable. Plus you find many more avenues for those that can listen and help you with this. I tell everyone I'm an alcoholic. I tell ppl when I want a drink, or when I'm lonely. Or when I'm anxious. I tell on myself before I do something dumb, and those I tell care about me enough to help.

GrizzliesFan

You absolutely deserve relationships. Don't lose faith and keep talking about your problems with people. I'm looking for a new sponsor too so it can happen to all of us. Just keep your head up! You can do it.

2bstrong

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Mags1

Hi hopefulyogi, welcome to SR. I can't give any pearls of wisdom but someone will soon come along who can help you.

Have you had a trip to the doctors they may be able to help, worth checking.

lisatrying

Hopefulyogi try not to take to heart what your sponsor did (I know that's easier said than done). Look at it as a reflection on them, not a reflection on you.

You deserve people in your life who want to care about you and support you. Don't let this experience put you of reaching for another sponsor - I suspect it is very normal to be needy with a sponsor initially, and they should understand that.

Don't quit asking for help. You deserve support and care and love, as does everyone else.

advbike

Please don't beat yourself up so much. I'm sure you are a good person, but when we start listening to the voice in our head it causes all sorts of trouble. Just take things a day at a time and try not to over-process things. Time heals things if we let it and if you work on yourself the right person will come along.

Fleonard36

In a place far, far, away. In a time long, long ago. On the day I was born - a book was published. The book was Dale Carnegie's "How to win Friends and Influence People". Shift the focus to other peoples' interests. Do it. Buy it. Read it.
Floyd.