darkfaith

After my last wake up call of having to go to the emergency room from being so dehydrated and shaking you would think it would have been enough to make me realise how much I'm screwing up my life with drinking. I cut down a lot over the last couple of weeks but thanks to no medication, a marriage about to fall apart and nasty so-called friends I turned to my old companion last night, scotch.

We had a couple of laughs which turned into tears, anxiety attacks, racing heart when calm and more guilt laid on myself. And waking up after an hour sleep to vomiting liquid (as I hadn't eaten yesterday) and blood.

This is my last wake up call, if I don't stop I won't be around for my children. I will lose my husband. I will never be happy. It's time to take this **** seriously.

I'm quite scared but will be going to a local AA meeting on Wednesday night. Scared because no doubt I will know ppl there as it's such a small town, ashamed because I don't think I can stop drinking by myself and guilty for what I've put my family through over the last 20 years.

Sorry for the long rant, guess I now know what rock bottom looks like

ScottFromWI

Glad you've made the decision DarkFaith. Accepting that we cannot drink is a big step. Vomiting blood is nothing to mess around with though, I'd seek medical attention immediately to check on that.

Mags1

Hi darkfaith an aa meeting sounds good. Don't worry about other people there they have the same goal as you, to remain sober.

I know since I've been sober I've been free of waking up with regrets, embarrassment, hungover. It's a good feeling. It helps when av tries to get in x

least

I hope the support here and at AA can help you stay sober for good.

Hevyn

Hi Darkfaith. I'm sorry you're miserable now - but it can all change. You don't need that poison in your life. You can get free.

Dee74

I remember I thought it was the end of everything....but it was actually the start of something great - you'll be ok DF

D

KateL

Agree with Dee xx

instant

I agree with Dee. I thought I was destined for a life of misery and shame when i stopped drinking. It turned out to be the beginning of me finallly learning how to live. Life is so much better, and it is good to be on much better terms with myself

CAPTAINZING2000

Actually, I was glad to see some people I knew at my first aa meeting. They were a great source of comfort for me

MamaGoat

I'm from a small town too. I think you will be pleasantly surprised at the meeting. You have a disease and you are reaching out for help. It's the only way to survive and you are worth it! Might not feel that way now but I promise that if you get help and don't drink you will feel so much better. One step at a time...one day at a time. ((((hugs))))

1newcreation

I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]:forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead-Phil3:13

It's never to late to begin fresh again!

MariahGayle

Glad you are here DarkFaith.

Silvy69

You are the most important person as you walk into that meeting... You do not have to suffer anymore. It cherish every morning I wake up with no hangover. Take one day at the time and know that you are not alone.

Finnie

Remember you are addicted to a powerful drug. 20 years of using. Go easy on yourself. Don't beat yourself up. You are ill. If you genuinely want to stop then you need medical supervision. Talk to your doctor.

Best of luck and remember you can do it and millions have done it before you. IT IS POSSIBLE!

ElijahNoahColt

You shouldn't feel ashamed about not being able to do it alone! If you came across something heavy in your path and you can't move it yourself, you'd not feel ashamed if you got help from a friend. There are plenty of people here and at AA that would be willing to help you. I think it shows a certain strength that you can admit that you can't tackle it alone.

I honestly wish you the best of luck and make sure you check back with us so we know how you're doing!

Best Wishes
~ENC

Shoebox62

We've all hit our own private rock bottoms, some worse than others, and we're all determined not to do it again. You have support here and people who understand what you're going through. Please seek help from others here, on AA, at SMART, anywhere you can talk and get support. You can do anything if you put your sobriety first in your life.
Stay strong and I wish you the best as you continue your journey.

darkfaith

So my wake up call sucks balls. I his from the AA meeting by drinking scotch an using the excuse I couldn't rock up half cut. I'm now so ****** up I'm about to tossing husband kids and life away just can't deal with any pain anymore. Gonna smw n drink n trip til I don't wake up. I'm sorry to ppl who have faith I have none n can't see any in the future

HeartsAfire

Read your avatar. Over & over & over.

steffie

In your last message you said you wanted to be there for your kids. If nothing else live for them, they are innocent in all this, and need you. Think of what a powerful message you can send them to quit such demons. No matter how bad you feel you totally can do it, just like the millions of other people who have.

Dee74

Check your PMs DarkFaith

D