In Hell
I'm in Hell for sure.
behind the guy who created auto correct.
OK I told someone else this is it. So My day one is now.
Really, umm, My Dad just passed away suddenly. Last 2 weeks. Really my best friend in the world.
And I have drank an amount that is just an abomination.
I saw him and then my car broke down, not worth fixing, but some really strange things have been happening, Stuff I would never believed could.
It has me in a way that I think I cant kick it. And I have made sure it's true. 30years of hard drinking has....I don't know who I am without it.
I am jonsing already.
behind the guy who created auto correct.
OK I told someone else this is it. So My day one is now.
Really, umm, My Dad just passed away suddenly. Last 2 weeks. Really my best friend in the world.
And I have drank an amount that is just an abomination.
I saw him and then my car broke down, not worth fixing, but some really strange things have been happening, Stuff I would never believed could.
It has me in a way that I think I cant kick it. And I have made sure it's true. 30years of hard drinking has....I don't know who I am without it.
I am jonsing already.
If all the drinking in the world would solve our problems, then I'd say, "Go for it!" All it does is hold us hostage, when there's no need for it. Hey, FREE yourself.
Think about this. Do you think it would make your Dad happy, if he knew you were tormenting yourself over his loss? It was his time to go, just like it was for my Dad.
Think about your life being taken, and the one's left behind who love you. How would it make you feel, watching them HURT themselves, because it was your time to go. It wouldn't feel so good would it?
Acceptance can be a tricky thing, but that's what it boils down to. We need to accept things we have no control over.
Hold the happy memories close to you, those are the best.
Make your Dad smile today, let him know you're going to be ok. He wants you to enjoy life the best way you can, and not HURT yourself
Take care of yourself. I too live in a brutally cold place. Yowy!!!
Space My condolences for your loss. I am glad you are posting again. Things were pretty dire the last time you posted as well. Inside you I believe there is someone who desperately wants to live and survive this addiction. I would urge you to consider detox and rehab options. Don't process the thought too much, just commit !
Space - I'm just so glad you decided to post, even in the midst of your pain & confusion. You can make it out of this terrible time and live again in a new & better way. I drank 30 yrs. and now have 6 yrs sober. I never dreamed I'd make it 'alone' without my buffer - but here I am, and life is not the terrible challenge I made it out to be. I just needed to get clearheaded and stop numbing myself.
I'm sorry you lost your dad. Sending love out to you, praying for you to be comforted - and hoping you will stay with us. We care.
I'm sorry you lost your dad. Sending love out to you, praying for you to be comforted - and hoping you will stay with us. We care.
Well, the blood pressure just goes to a bad level, and I have terrible vertigo.
This addiction really insists you stay unless you want to go through hell.
I could go on but there are ten other pressing concern's right now.
Am trying to taper......Hasn't worked but I am sure the day will come where it works.
With me it takes the right set of circumstances to give it up.
I get really ill when I quit, and cant stand that.
And once I get through that I'm over hyper, you see I have gone through it before.
I'm finding every reason not to quit right? Really it's the withdrawal and the responsibilities I face.
I'm getting crushed by stress and obligations and really if I don't quit right now I am going to forgive myself for that cause it's too much to bear right now.
I know it doesn't make any sense to those that have quit.
But that's where I'm at. Id really like to think its just an easy thing to do.
Name the problem I have it........It sucks, so the only escape I have is a few too many beers all the time.
I guess it's a major depression, but after living in such a way for years. I just don't know anymore.
Pour me pour me pour me another drink...exactly where I'm at and I'm ashamed of that, I fear this addiction is about to kill me.
This addiction really insists you stay unless you want to go through hell.
I could go on but there are ten other pressing concern's right now.
Am trying to taper......Hasn't worked but I am sure the day will come where it works.
With me it takes the right set of circumstances to give it up.
I get really ill when I quit, and cant stand that.
And once I get through that I'm over hyper, you see I have gone through it before.
I'm finding every reason not to quit right? Really it's the withdrawal and the responsibilities I face.
I'm getting crushed by stress and obligations and really if I don't quit right now I am going to forgive myself for that cause it's too much to bear right now.
I know it doesn't make any sense to those that have quit.
But that's where I'm at. Id really like to think its just an easy thing to do.
Name the problem I have it........It sucks, so the only escape I have is a few too many beers all the time.
I guess it's a major depression, but after living in such a way for years. I just don't know anymore.
Pour me pour me pour me another drink...exactly where I'm at and I'm ashamed of that, I fear this addiction is about to kill me.
Rather than being an escape I think drinking binds you even more tightly into a bad situation space. You're not working for a solution or for change...you're simply trying to alleviate the status quo.
at most it's temporary relief which then makes you despair more, feel more shame/anger. self pity, and to feel physically bad...all of which leads you to drink more...
there's no way out there.
Why can't you see a Dr?
at most it's temporary relief which then makes you despair more, feel more shame/anger. self pity, and to feel physically bad...all of which leads you to drink more...
there's no way out there.
Why can't you see a Dr?
And I will go down that route again? Here is the advise of one Dr "You just have to quit" Next patient please.
But you hit the nail on the head Dee. I will read that a few times to try and motivate myself to get better, I guess.
God You must know every alcoholic in the world. So thanks.
But you hit the nail on the head Dee. I will read that a few times to try and motivate myself to get better, I guess.
God You must know every alcoholic in the world. So thanks.
Wanting to quit is where everyone starts Space. I'll be thinking about you all night man. Taper off. Take each moment at a time. Take each minute you are drinking as a reason to not do it the next minute.
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