Day 5. Optimism.
I posted this on the February class page. I decided to share here too because it might give someone brand new a sense of hope.
Day 5 (My sobriety began 27 days ago with a one day lapse six days ago).
I spent Days 1-4 with SR glued to my hip.
Last night, after work, I put my phone & the SR app down to attend to some housework. I tidied up, threw in some laundry, and made dinner. Average stuff. To do it without alcohol like a dangling carrot reward felt like sweet freedom. I haven't felt that kind of serenity going about my everyday life in some 15 years. I didn't drink often 15 years ago.
This morning I started the Insanity exercise regimine. I've done it twice over the past two years. It whips you into shape to do just about anything. This will be the first time in 15 years that I am not drinking while embarking on a fitness program. I felt hopeful that I'll see and feel even better results in sobriety.
Later I was driving to work belting out a song. I haven't felt that moved by music in, you guessed it, 15 years.
Then I had to walk outdoors at work when it started to snow. I felt like I was in a snow globe. I haven't felt that awe of nature in, yup, 15 years.
Fifteen years ago I was 24. At 24 I was far from perfect, but I was disentangled from that dysfunctional college crush. I had travelled internationally all by myself. I was working in a job in the social justice field that was hard to come by. I was confident and optimistic and full of life. I had so much to give and receive.
I'm starting to feel that sense of interconnectness to art and people and music and nature and philosophy that I had as a young, idealistic college graduate because of sobriety.
No buzz ever felt this good. And no black out, pass out, or hangover ever did, either. If you told me a month ago that stopping something that made me feel good would make me feel even better, I NEVER would have believed you.
Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about un-becoming everything that isn't really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place. - Unknown