Carly2332

I've been in and out of this forum, AA meetings, gone to see therapists....and it sticks for a while but, then I find myself back here. I think I'm beginning to understand now, that once you've "crossed over" , it is near impossible to get back. Meaning, it usually IS progressive, and just taking several weeks off is not going to "fix" me. I try to rationalize all the time that I'm not THAT bad, but the truth remains that I can never predict the outcome of my drinking. I plan to only drink 3...that goes out the window, along with my mind... Its taken me a long time, I've been questioning/struggling for a few years, to understand that I'm not special, I'm not just going to suddenly wake up one day and be able to drink in moderation. Just like anyone else struggling with substance abuse. In most cases, alcoholism will do the same thing to everyone that it touches. It doesn't just go away and it doesnt just get better. You have to try, not just wait for things to change

Anna

It's not near impossible, it's impossible.

It doesn't go away or get better on its own, but you can help yourself to get through this and to live and happy and sober life.

Dee74

I think that kind of acceptance is key to moving forward Carly
Good for you
D

least

I tried so many times to moderate my drinking, always failed miserably. It's easier to just not drink at all.

malcolmsloan

So simple, but so true: we have to try, not wait." I wasted years telling myself, "it will happen," but I had not yet began to actually "try."

Tamerua

Once a cucumber turns into a pickle, it can never be a cuke again.

courage2

We are who we are. I personally can't drink without igniting a mental and physical wildfire. It's not like it's a personal failing not to be able to drink safely -- it's just the way it is. It's great that you're accepting that drinking is not an option. Now what are you ready to do?

LadyinBC

I did this for years. "well I am not that bad! I have a job etc". Yup I am that bad.

You know what , once I finally admitted to myself that I was an alcoholic, it was like a weight was lifted. I realized that I couldn't fight it anymore. Not that it made it easy, but it definitely made me realize that it was something I couldn't go back to ever because I can't drink.

I really had to change ME in order to get anywhere. You are right it just doesn't go away.

Ruturn

I've fought it for years. The one truth I know now to be true is that if I have a drink, I WILL have more and I have no idea how many more. Its the old line about one being too much and 100 not being enough. I gave up on trying to drink in moderation a few years ago. I did that a couple of times and, quite frankly, it sucked. I'm an alcoholic and after I have that first drink I cannot predict anything that I will do from that point on. Only option for me is complete abstinance. Maybe for the first time I'm actually ok with that.