Is is my Behavior
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Houston
Posts: 2
Is is my Behavior
I was married to an alcoholic for 24 years. I have a daughter who is also an alcoholic. I have been in a cycle with her for a number of years. She continues to make bad choices, I do all I can to pick up the pieces. We solve one bad choice and she is on to another. Eventually I stop trying, she tells me how I ruined her life and runs to her dad for money and support. At this time she hates me and it can last a number of months until she contacts me and it starts again.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
It can only start again if YOU allow it. Sounds like she's learned how to work you both. I'm very sorry for your situation. But if you put up impenetrable boundaries of what is exceptable and unexceptable behaviors she may change her tune.
Mother daughter relationships are tough with or without addiction. When both parties are talking at the same time No one is heard.
Be strong welcome
Mother daughter relationships are tough with or without addiction. When both parties are talking at the same time No one is heard.
Be strong welcome
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the SR family. Do let your daughter know what is acceptable behavior from her. If she continues to behave in unacceptable ways it's time for her to live elsewhere. If she's always running to her dad, can't she live with him? Let him pick up the pieces for a while. Give yourself a break. Your behavior isn't causing her to drink and make bad choices - that's totally up to her.
We have a friends and family forum you may be interested in. Give it a look.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Do let your daughter know what is acceptable behavior from her. If she continues to behave in unacceptable ways it's time for her to live elsewhere. If she's always running to her dad, can't she live with him? Let him pick up the pieces for a while. Give yourself a break. Your behavior isn't causing her to drink and make bad choices - that's totally up to her.We have a friends and family forum you may be interested in. Give it a look.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Here, EH!!!
Posts: 1,337
Originally Posted by separation 
I was married to an alcoholic for 24 years. I have a daughter who is also an alcoholic. I have been in a cycle with her for a number of years. She continues to make bad choices, I do all I can to pick up the pieces. We solve one bad choice and she is on to another. Eventually I stop trying, she tells me how I ruined her life and runs to her dad for money and support. At this time she hates me and it can last a number of months until she contacts me and it starts again.
Oh yeah, the cycle starts again.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Welcome To SR.
I recall this happening with one of my own family members. My sister would sabotage, need help, sabotage, need help, etc. The accountability factor was missing from the equation. Having a solid boundary will speak volumes and make things easier on the people involved. There are many tools available to you. Least has given the link to the F&F portion of this website. I hope that you find this website to be a great resource. Once again Welcome.
I recall this happening with one of my own family members. My sister would sabotage, need help, sabotage, need help, etc. The accountability factor was missing from the equation. Having a solid boundary will speak volumes and make things easier on the people involved. There are many tools available to you. Least has given the link to the F&F portion of this website. I hope that you find this website to be a great resource. Once again Welcome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Houston
Posts: 2
Thank all of you for your replies. I have just made an appointment with a therapist. I need to know how to set boundaries. My daughter is 31 and has my grand daughter. No relationship with my daughter means none with my 3 year old grand daughter. Painful but I am coming to accept it. On a bright note, I am married again to a wonderful, supportive non alcoholic!!
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