jdooner

I would be lying is I said I did not think I could get here, deep down I have known I would (in moments) but there were some doubts along the way. In fact the past two days challenged me a bit to be honest. Sometimes things align and hit you out of the blue. The difference, however, is having the tools to make it through a difficult episode like I experienced yesterday vs. acting on my thoughts, as I know I am not my thoughts.

If I look back at the the greatest attributes, which have helped me I would say honesty, openness and willingness. These three pillars are a dynamic process and not static to my recovery. Yesterday at almost 6 months, I was texting a friend and needed to be reminded and be open to realizing I was lying to myself about my own disease/disorder/affliction. Because of this willingness to admit I was being dishonest with myself and open to changing my views once again and willing to pass up immediate gratification, I am able to wake this morning sober, alone in my bed - not an easy feat.

The book that changed everything for me was Gabor Mate’s In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts. This made so much sense to me and has changed how I parent to boot. I then read A Million Little Pieces. Mindfulness for Beginners, Awareness, Power of Now, A New Earth, Blink, David and Goliath, Innovators Dilemma, My Friend Leonard, No Easy Day, Living Sober, The Big Book, have all played a role in my recovery.

SR has played a tremendous role, perhaps more for the relationships I have developed with people I may never meet but know me better than some I see daily. A unique paradox of sorts to be able to share inmate details in the safety of modern technology that face to face relationships limit.

AA has played a key role, particularly early on and the steps, as well as therapy. The combination of AA, therapy, SR coupled with an openness to tear down all of my previous ideals and wake to a new construct I credit to my recovery.

I know I have changed and moved mountains. But I don’t feel radically different, I feel free. Freedom from my own shackles that burdened me for so long.

I am grateful to those that have helped provide wisdom and guidance and those that have challenged my ideals…I guess next stop is 1 year:-)

MarathonMan

Congrats JD....hopefully will be celebrating similar milestones on SR eventually. Glad you managed to turn it around

jdooner

I have a good feeling you are serious about acquiring the tools to make real lasting change MM.

freethinking

Congrats JD!

MarathonMan

Never been more serious about anything in my life...21 days now....i can be a seriously stubborn SoB when i want to. Anyway it's nice to see the people who are helping you are still moving forward themselves. Keep on with the good work and I'll congratulate you again at a year

FreeOwl

" But I don’t feel radically different, I feel free. Freedom from my own shackles that burdened me for so long. "

I donno..... that sure sounds like a radical difference in feeling to me!!!



Congratulations, and thank you for sharing and helping me stay sober today!

jdooner

Context is difficult in prose sometimes. I am different from when I first started but its like looking at your self in the mirror daily on a diet. Its tough to see the changes from the start but someone who has not seen you since you started might be shocked at the progress. Its the same here - changes are often small and subtle but in aggregate they are large. Becoming free is radical but its the little changes that allow me to be freed from the abject slavery that was booze and drugs.

Longpasttime

Love a success story, especially with specifics about the tools used. Thanks and fantastic job!

Nonsensical

Perfect.

I find explaining this concept to the very recently sober is about as difficult as explaining alcohol obsession to a non-alcoholic. Words fail. If we could effectively communicate the euphoria of this sense of freedom to the newcomers, I think we'd have fewer relapses.

Congratulations on 6 months.

CAPTAINZING2000

Grats to you

rmbrndt

Thanks for sharing Jdooner. Enjoyed the post. Right now I can't imagine what 6 months of sobriety feels like but it sounds good. Everyone has a start date... mine was two days ago. Like you I know deep down that I can do this, a day at a time.

jdooner

you don't have too. Just put one foot in front of the other minute by minute. Take a look at my early posts the tenor is much different. Anger, fight, bravado, sadness, anxiety, fear, self pity - I have run the gamut. What you need in the early days is different than later on - but the point of my post is if you can break though the spell it gets much better. But even with time and tools we still have our bad days - less frequently though.

Good luck rmbrndt - you are worth it.

ImperfectlyMe

I can not believe its been 6 months! I admire your ability to keep changing it up when things aren't working. Never one to remain silent always one to challenge ideals. You are unapologetically outspoken and I wish I could steal a little bit of that. It's been a great pleasure to have formed a real true friendship with you here. You've been a cornerstone in my own recovery.

I truly believe your success comes from the fact that you did it your way. Fine tuning as you went. Learning, exploring, challenging, and most importantly recognizing when you're wrong and when you're right.
This quote from my favorite guy sounds a lot like how you've done it!

"I will go in this way
But find my own way out"

I hope for you this next 6 months you can find a nice comfy spot in your sobriety. You've laid a pretty solid foundation and framed out your future. Now it's time for the fun part finishing touches.

Great job! Thanks always for all that you've helped me with.

NOW I can say HAPPY 6 MONTHS!!

least

Congrats on six months sober!

Leshar

Lovely post! Well done! You are clearly your own man but you've been open to direction too which is courageous.
Thanks for your posts!

jaynie04

Congratulations JD! Thank you for everything you have brought to SR. Your candor and passion seems to be big parts of your personality and you have found a way to use those traits to your advantage in recovery. I think one of my favorite things about you is that you are not afraid to say "I've changed my mind". You make a point to actively seek many different sources of information and opinion, I admire your ability to synthesize and integrate the parts that best fit for you.

Grateful to have been along for part of your journey, I have a feeling it has only just begun!

SeaScape

Thanks for your post

What you need in the early days is different than later on...

I am just figuring this out and working out my plan!
congratulations on your hard work!

AuntieSoso

Congratulations!

I like your point about honesty, openness, and willingness. I think I have two out of three of those things - I find honesty to be the hardest part.

I bought that book you recommended, but have a long list of others to get through first. Thank you for the suggestion, I'm looking forward to reading it.

Best to you!

Mek2

Congrats on 6 months!

Hope4Life

Congratulations J! These next 6 months are going to be a continuing journey of exploration of your feelings and thoughts but you have the tools to tackle the challenges ahead and WIN!

I really appreciate you listing the books you have found helpful. I am currently reading 'The Power Of Now' and it has really opened my eyes to the errors in my thinking that have been holding me back for years.

I look forward to sharing in your journey...