Drank too much tonight...again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2
Drank too much tonight...again
I imagine that's not an uncommon headline. This is my first post and it's 2:30 AM...I have work in a couple hours. I'm just feeling disappointed in myself, frustrated that I can't control myself, shocked that I am able to drink like 8 beers in like three hours and confused about where to start in either identifying my problem or beginning to solve it. I don't know if this forum is mostly for people who have already stopped drinking but I have found looking at some of these posts comforting so I'm sorry if this is inappropriate for the site.
My current situation is like this: I know I drink too much, at least four times a week. I don't really have a plan, I just feel ashamed after each time. I want to stop or at least slow down (and I know this site is for abstinence) but I am concerned about it being a real barrier to hanging out with my friends. I'm going to France in a couple weeks and I don't want to show up like, "hey friends, surprise! I won't drink on this trip!" But my friends certainly do not drink like I do...sometimes.
It's weird. I can stop after one drink...sometimes. Other times I drink mindlessly to the point of oblivion and feel so angry at myself afterward. So what do I do? Go to a doctor? How do I know if I'm an alcoholic? I guess the fact that I'm here is a good indicator.
Would love to hear some other stories or perspectives on where to start.
My current situation is like this: I know I drink too much, at least four times a week. I don't really have a plan, I just feel ashamed after each time. I want to stop or at least slow down (and I know this site is for abstinence) but I am concerned about it being a real barrier to hanging out with my friends. I'm going to France in a couple weeks and I don't want to show up like, "hey friends, surprise! I won't drink on this trip!" But my friends certainly do not drink like I do...sometimes.
It's weird. I can stop after one drink...sometimes. Other times I drink mindlessly to the point of oblivion and feel so angry at myself afterward. So what do I do? Go to a doctor? How do I know if I'm an alcoholic? I guess the fact that I'm here is a good indicator.
Would love to hear some other stories or perspectives on where to start.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi Cheery
I hope you don't think I'm rude - but gee I wish I had a dollar for everyone who comes to SR with a big trip away with the lads, or the girls, in their imminent future, and who doesn't want to let them know what's going on.
Have you considered not going at all? because thats exactly the kind of tough decisions you'll need to make if you want things to change.
I don't know anything about controlling my drinking. I tried for years.
I controlled it some nights too, but it was never something I could really count on.
It was always more good luck than good management if I managed to get home sober enough to walk.
I know this may be reading as harsh, but I spent over 20 years trying to control my drinking, or trying to be a non drinker in a life that revolved around drinking.
It was futile.
If you want things to change, I really think you're going to have to make changes Cheery.
D
I hope you don't think I'm rude - but gee I wish I had a dollar for everyone who comes to SR with a big trip away with the lads, or the girls, in their imminent future, and who doesn't want to let them know what's going on.
Have you considered not going at all? because thats exactly the kind of tough decisions you'll need to make if you want things to change.
I don't know anything about controlling my drinking. I tried for years.
I controlled it some nights too, but it was never something I could really count on.
It was always more good luck than good management if I managed to get home sober enough to walk.
I know this may be reading as harsh, but I spent over 20 years trying to control my drinking, or trying to be a non drinker in a life that revolved around drinking.
It was futile.
If you want things to change, I really think you're going to have to make changes Cheery.
D
Last edited by Dee74; 02-27-2014 at 01:34 AM.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Welcome Cheery. I also found it impossible to moderate my drinking. I you are truly worried about your drinking, perhaps it would be an idea to avoid drinking situations for a while as Dee suggested. I, personally was able to go to functions with alcohol quite easily and not drink, but it took time to get there. Best of luck xxxxx
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
The problem or dilemma is, you want to be Sober but you also want to go on this trip and drink, you need to decide which you want more. The reality is cutting back or becoming Sober will come with a change of lifestyle and some difficult decisions to make, including standing in a bar telling other people your not drinking today.
In my onion your health is more important than what your friends think, and if your friends aren't mature enough to accept your decision to not have a drink, do they really fall under the definition of "friend" or are they simply drinking buddies? you'll learn a lot about the people in your life from how they react.
Becoming Sober is not easy, which is why so many go back to drinking, or can only last a short period of time.
People expect to carry on their normal routine of life, not make any changes except cancelling out alcohol, that's never going to work, your lifestyle needs to facilitate a Sober pattern of life.
In my onion your health is more important than what your friends think, and if your friends aren't mature enough to accept your decision to not have a drink, do they really fall under the definition of "friend" or are they simply drinking buddies? you'll learn a lot about the people in your life from how they react.
Becoming Sober is not easy, which is why so many go back to drinking, or can only last a short period of time.
People expect to carry on their normal routine of life, not make any changes except cancelling out alcohol, that's never going to work, your lifestyle needs to facilitate a Sober pattern of life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome, Cheery! Good to have you at SR. The first step is understanding you have a problem. Shame and guilt every time you drink is a pretty clear sign that you do. There's understanding intellectually though and understanding deep down in your bones. When you reach that latter stage things will become more clear.
When I found SR I had finally realized the ride had to end but I was actually drinking when I first started reading. But that night was the last time I ever did drink, around 17 months ago now.
If you want to stop drinking then SR is a great resource.
Good to have you aboard!
When I found SR I had finally realized the ride had to end but I was actually drinking when I first started reading. But that night was the last time I ever did drink, around 17 months ago now.
If you want to stop drinking then SR is a great resource.
Good to have you aboard!
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
Originally Posted by cheery 
I'm going to France in a couple weeks and I don't want to show up like, "hey friends, surprise! I won't drink on this trip!" But my friends certainly do not drink like I do...sometimes.
I wanted to touch on this part. So, if your friends don't drink like you, why do you presume they'd care all that much if you don't drink on your trip? Do you believe you will spoil everyone else's vacation by not drinking?
I know in groups of friends there can be pressure to drink, but in the end you will be sober and they will drink and things will go on as usual.
It's your resolve that you should worry more about, not any big announcement that you (don't) need to make to your friends.
That said, I'm so jealous you are going to France! Can I come? :~p
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Viginia Beach VA
Posts: 26
Keep reading posts on this site. I am on day five of not drinking and these people have helped me more than I can put into words. You are not alone. I am in the same situation with social plans. For right now, I am avoiding them while I get stronger.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 112
I'm only on day 14 and have found the most helpful piece of advice from SR is to look at it one day at a time, if you want to stay sober it will mean hard work and determination. I'm still having days where it is one hour at a time, I will not drink for this hour. I can't look at the future yet.
There are so many people on here that have great advice, my suggestion read, post and enjoy a sober trip to France, just think of all the clear memories you will have to remember.
Good luck
There are so many people on here that have great advice, my suggestion read, post and enjoy a sober trip to France, just think of all the clear memories you will have to remember.
Good luck
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR.
Unless you put a plan in place to get and stay sober, your trip to France will likely include drinking to oblivion. Is that the memory you want to come back from your trip with.
You don't have to be an alchoholic to quit. You only have to be aware that drinking is causing you a problem and not drinking is the only solution.
Good luck.
Originally Posted by cheery
I can stop after one drink...sometimes. Other times I drink mindlessly to the point of oblivion and feel so angry at myself afterward. So what do I do?
You don't have to be an alchoholic to quit. You only have to be aware that drinking is causing you a problem and not drinking is the only solution.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Cheery....
I'm just about to depart a 9 day trip in Vegas where I've spent time around packs and packs of heavy drinking colleagues.
Only ONE of them knows the real situation; that I've quit drinking entirely. Only a few even mentioned it and when they did I simply said "well, sometimes you have to give your body a break". I drank water the whole time and had the best trip here ever on many levels.
As for being an alcoholic.... well hey even I wonder sometimes "am I REALLY"? But the answer I've settled on for myself is even if I'm NOT - my experiences definitely provide me evidence that I was well on the way to becoming one, and I have evidence that my life is a LOT better without drinking.
Best wishes to you in answering for yourself what it is you seek.
This is a great place to be in searching through those questions, welcome.
I'm just about to depart a 9 day trip in Vegas where I've spent time around packs and packs of heavy drinking colleagues.
Only ONE of them knows the real situation; that I've quit drinking entirely. Only a few even mentioned it and when they did I simply said "well, sometimes you have to give your body a break". I drank water the whole time and had the best trip here ever on many levels.
As for being an alcoholic.... well hey even I wonder sometimes "am I REALLY"? But the answer I've settled on for myself is even if I'm NOT - my experiences definitely provide me evidence that I was well on the way to becoming one, and I have evidence that my life is a LOT better without drinking.
Best wishes to you in answering for yourself what it is you seek.
This is a great place to be in searching through those questions, welcome.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 233
I am able to drink like 8 beers in like three hours.
Cheery, sounds like me. I can drink 8 beers in three hours and I drank 3 or 4 times a week. I thought if I could "control" my drinking and limit it to say 6, I wasn't an alcoholic.
NOT TRUE! Who drinks 6 or 8 drinks in an evening that isn't a drunk? That isn't normal, as least it sure isn't for me.
It is up to you though, to decide if you have a problem with alcohol. If it is interfering in your day to day life, you might want to examine that.
Why can't you go to France and not drink? Just casually get a soda instead of alcohol. I doubt your friends will care one way or another. Most alkies think that not drinking is really going to be a "big deal" to their friends and it might surprise you to find out most other people don't care. The only exception being if the "friends" really are just alcoholics and it is the only thing you have in common. Then they probably would care (and feel bad if you don't join them in drinking).
The reason, in my opinion, you think it is a big deal is because to YOU, it is. Does that indicate a alcohol issue? You decide.
And I agree with doggonecarl - is being drunk the memory you want to take back with you? Will you even remember that much of the trip if you are drunk?
Have a good time and stay sober. It will be worth it.
Glad you are here with us. Good luck.
Cheery, sounds like me. I can drink 8 beers in three hours and I drank 3 or 4 times a week. I thought if I could "control" my drinking and limit it to say 6, I wasn't an alcoholic.
NOT TRUE! Who drinks 6 or 8 drinks in an evening that isn't a drunk? That isn't normal, as least it sure isn't for me.
It is up to you though, to decide if you have a problem with alcohol. If it is interfering in your day to day life, you might want to examine that.
Why can't you go to France and not drink? Just casually get a soda instead of alcohol. I doubt your friends will care one way or another. Most alkies think that not drinking is really going to be a "big deal" to their friends and it might surprise you to find out most other people don't care. The only exception being if the "friends" really are just alcoholics and it is the only thing you have in common. Then they probably would care (and feel bad if you don't join them in drinking).
The reason, in my opinion, you think it is a big deal is because to YOU, it is. Does that indicate a alcohol issue? You decide.
And I agree with doggonecarl - is being drunk the memory you want to take back with you? Will you even remember that much of the trip if you are drunk?
Have a good time and stay sober. It will be worth it.
Glad you are here with us. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi Cheery,
I don't know whether you are an alcoholic. But you have already identified part of your problem. You drink too much sometimes, without initially intending to do so, and feel shame when you do. Your post suggests that this is an increasingly frequent occurrence and that once you pick up one drink you have little to any control over the outcome. Part of the solution is eliminating alcohol from your life and there are many awesome people with great suggestions on how to do that.
When I was in my twenties I could stop at one. Sometimes. I drank too much too often. Sometimes. Felt rotten and shamed afterwards. Vowing to not let it get away from me the next time. It always did. It only got worse over time. So I had to cut out the alcohol altogether. My true friends, the ones with whom I have a relationship not based on going out and drinking, understand that and are supportive.
I don't know whether you are an alcoholic. But you have already identified part of your problem. You drink too much sometimes, without initially intending to do so, and feel shame when you do. Your post suggests that this is an increasingly frequent occurrence and that once you pick up one drink you have little to any control over the outcome. Part of the solution is eliminating alcohol from your life and there are many awesome people with great suggestions on how to do that.
When I was in my twenties I could stop at one. Sometimes. I drank too much too often. Sometimes. Felt rotten and shamed afterwards. Vowing to not let it get away from me the next time. It always did. It only got worse over time. So I had to cut out the alcohol altogether. My true friends, the ones with whom I have a relationship not based on going out and drinking, understand that and are supportive.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I agree with the others. Can you just not go on the trip? And if you think it's absolutely necessary to go, can you be strong enough to stay sober? How badly do you want to be sober?
It is possible to socialize without drinking but most would advise that you stay away from temptation until you're stronger in your sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2
Wow. I'm so glad you all took the time to write back. I really appreciate it.
I think that what many of you expressed—that it will matter more to me than to my friends if I don't drink on this trip—is probably true. Thinking about it this morning, I think you're probably right that my friends would actually be quite supportive, and I'm the one who is just coming up with excuses for myself. And yeah, I want to actually be able to *remember* the trip. I also appreciate the point that you don't have to be an alcoholic to stop drinking. I never really thought about it that way.
As you all are likely acutely aware, there are a lot of factors that exist to complicate matters—peer expectations, habit, the fact that my boyfriend who I live with is probably in the same boat as me and is not particularly interested in limiting his drinking. I will have to get used to the idea that while I'll be able to rely on him to be supportive, he probably won't be in it with me. But I guess that's another topic entirely.
There are a lot of things in my life that I need to change, but I feel like this is one of the big ones, and will probably help me make those smaller changes. So...thank you.
I think that what many of you expressed—that it will matter more to me than to my friends if I don't drink on this trip—is probably true. Thinking about it this morning, I think you're probably right that my friends would actually be quite supportive, and I'm the one who is just coming up with excuses for myself. And yeah, I want to actually be able to *remember* the trip. I also appreciate the point that you don't have to be an alcoholic to stop drinking. I never really thought about it that way.
As you all are likely acutely aware, there are a lot of factors that exist to complicate matters—peer expectations, habit, the fact that my boyfriend who I live with is probably in the same boat as me and is not particularly interested in limiting his drinking. I will have to get used to the idea that while I'll be able to rely on him to be supportive, he probably won't be in it with me. But I guess that's another topic entirely.
There are a lot of things in my life that I need to change, but I feel like this is one of the big ones, and will probably help me make those smaller changes. So...thank you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 85
Cheery, you know you've made the right decision in deciding not to drink. Just stick with it, and you may find that it really does not matter that much to others if you drink or not. I thought it was going to be this really big deal with my friends but it really isn't. One of the tricks that alcohol plays on us is to get us thinking that alcohol is very important to our lives. But it really doesn't need to be so important. I'm only a couple of weeks into this new adventure of being sober but I can tell you that it's nearly all good. There is really NOTHING good about alcohol, and there is so much bad about it. When I quit I started feeling better almost immediately. And for me, I know that if I can stay sober then I don't have to worry about the trap that I know waits for me down the road where I really can't quit. For me, the decision to quit was kind of liberating because now I don't have to worry about how much I drink, because I don't drink at all! And I find that when I resist the urge to have the first drink, everything that comes after that is great. Much improved over the uncertainty of "Can I stop at just three glasses of wine?" (No, that's why I needed to quit.)
Regards,
Regards,
SeaScape
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: California
Posts: 313
Hi Cheery
welcome
SR has helped me learn and gain alot of perspective about myself and my very unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I hate this transition sometimes from drinker to non-drinker but it's the path that I choose and I intend to follow it through and see how I feel with time..lots of time...like a life's worth of time
welcome
SR has helped me learn and gain alot of perspective about myself and my very unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I hate this transition sometimes from drinker to non-drinker but it's the path that I choose and I intend to follow it through and see how I feel with time..lots of time...like a life's worth of time
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Sounds like you've got at least two competing concerns. One is the backlash you'll get from your friends should you tell them you're not drinking on this trip. The other is all the emotional and physical pain you'll suffer from drinking yourself into oblivion.
The harder decision has invariably put me on the best path.
The harder decision has invariably put me on the best path.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
You only have to be aware that drinking is causing you a problem and not drinking is the only solution.
I love this Carl. It really doesn't have to be a huge deal. Sometimes I think people magnify the concept of quitting so much it becomes impossible to even think about it. I know I was in that cycle for years-trying to control it, continuing to drink because I hadn't hit "rock bottom" so I must be okay, fear of "what if I have to go to AA?", and what if I went and "it" didn't work and I couldn't stop, and on and on. When I simplified it down to "I'm not drinking" (whether it would be for today, an hour, a minute) I was able to ride through the cravings.
Do you have any friends going on this trip that don't drink? Maybe you could share that you're not drinking and hang out with them instead of the partiers?
Is this a once in a lifetime trip or will you have other chances to go? Do YOU think you can go and stay sober? Are you entertaining ideas of stopping after the trip instead? Will you be upset with yourself if you go, drink, and don't remember most of the trip or do something really stupid that you can't take back? Lots to think about...
I love this Carl. It really doesn't have to be a huge deal. Sometimes I think people magnify the concept of quitting so much it becomes impossible to even think about it. I know I was in that cycle for years-trying to control it, continuing to drink because I hadn't hit "rock bottom" so I must be okay, fear of "what if I have to go to AA?", and what if I went and "it" didn't work and I couldn't stop, and on and on. When I simplified it down to "I'm not drinking" (whether it would be for today, an hour, a minute) I was able to ride through the cravings.
Do you have any friends going on this trip that don't drink? Maybe you could share that you're not drinking and hang out with them instead of the partiers?
Is this a once in a lifetime trip or will you have other chances to go? Do YOU think you can go and stay sober? Are you entertaining ideas of stopping after the trip instead? Will you be upset with yourself if you go, drink, and don't remember most of the trip or do something really stupid that you can't take back? Lots to think about...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
keep coming back
Originally Posted by cheery
It's weird. I can stop after one drink...sometimes.
Other times I drink mindlessly to the point of oblivion and feel so angry at myself afterward.
How do I know if I'm an alcoholic?
keep hanging out here on this site
and in short time I think most all of your questions will be answered
and help will be offered when you are in need
Mountainman
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