Day 10 and my AV was pissed!
 

A usual evening out for dinner, I'd have two glasses of wine before I'd even leave the house, so my two or three while I'm at dinner looked normal. But not tonight...nota, nothing, NO ALCOHOL!

The worst part of it was driving there and thinking about it. My AV was LOUD! "You know, you could have one, maybe two and still feel fine tomorrow". "Maybe you could moderate". Then I think it actually was getting angry because I was feeling insecure with my decision not to drink and it thought I was breaking. "You'll never do it anyway so why bother". "You suck, just drink a freaking glass of wine and be done with this nonsense".

The whole time, having a conversation in my head w/my AV and also just chit chatting with my friend in the car! Multi-tasking convo's I guess!

Well, that was the hardest part. Once I got in the restaurant, I ordered water and was fine and didn't even think about it. Great conversations with real people (AV just gave up and sulked away) and good food.

I can honestly say I enjoyed myself a bit more sober and will be totally stoked tomorrow morning with NO hangover!

It's been 10 days with no alcohol, and also 10 days since I've "socialized". I have to admit, I was worried about going anywhere without drinking but this made me feel a bit more confident to begin possibly pulling a little life together without alcohol. I honestly was starting to think I may have to stay inside and ignore the world the rest of my life to stay sober (ok, a little exaggerated there). I do see a dim light at the end of the tunnel....I will keep going towards it.

And the weirdest part, not one person questioned why I didn't order a drink. They didn't even seem to notice or care.

That's fantastic IntheEnd... I have been worried about going out, myself. Congrats.

Hi Intheend, your AV and mine must be twins! It's strange that it can be so strong and yet you know you're stronger, so you can listen to it in a detached way.
Totally relate to the wonderful feeling the next morning. Contrast it with how upset with yourself you would have been if you'd caved.

That is great! I've found that people don't generally care or notice, they just want your company. Keep it up - day 10 is fantastic.

Dont quite get this AV angle yet. Sooner or later perhaps. I guess you just correlate AV to thoughts that you are thinking. Then wouldnt there be a HV? Then wouldnt we just categorize everything into different "voices". Anyway, all normal people in the world dont care about what you drink or how much you drink only the alcoholics push it upon you, or bug you about it. Those people need to be swept aside fast. Sobriety is the way to go. Our thinking or I guess in this case, our "voice" needs to change, 180 degrees.

Great willpower :You_Rock_

Glad all went well InTheEnd :)

I think it's ok to take it easy on yourself tho - I always tell newcomers it's ok not to go out for a while if you feel vulnerable...that strength - those sobriety muscles - will grow in time :)

D

You did well. :)

Well done that is another nail in the coffin for your AV. Going out and not drinking has always been very easy for me, the hardest part for me is when I am at home especially alone. This is battle time for me and my AV. I guess we are all different. Glad you are doing so well, keep it going.

Very positive post :You_Rock_ xxxx

Thanks ya'll! I have to admit, the car ride there was quite eye opening. I hadn't even been worrying about drinking at dinner until I got in the car. Suddenly my mind began twisting things, then it was like and had a devil on on shoulder and an angel on the other, arguing about whether to drink or not. Almost like I was a bystander, listening to those two voices duke it out. When the server came and asked the dreaded question "So, what would you like to drink"? The voice was gone, I was me, and without hesitation, "Water please" came flying out of my mouth. Might've even yelled the words just to shut it down before it could get back in head!

I'm I won this battle, but the war continues I'm still standing and ready to fight!
Thanks! And Rush2112?!?!?!?!?!?! Rush is my favorite band ever! Saw them 7 times back in the day! Hence my screen name "In the End"! Rock on!

Oh mine does the saaaaame thing when I go out. So funny you mentioned the angel/devil thing. I am in outpatient treatment and I discussed my AV with the therapists and one said, yes, it's like you have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. It is so true.

@GEAH - It really is! I'm actually liking and understanding the separation of the AV, treating it as someone else instead of me. The drunk me was definitely not me. The behavior was not me. Me mixed with alcohol really does make me a different person, and that "person" will not be given the right to ruin my true self.

I won't be attending that **** show anymore AV (you little F*er!, thanks @forabetterlife)!