Time can release as well as imprison
Time can release as well as imprison
Time can release as well as imprison.
Growing up in an alcoholic house. The crazy of day to day... Moment to moment.
I was a prisoner to time. I knew the moment he drove up. I knew the moment the ice cubes hit the bottom of the glass. I knew by the length of pour what kind of night it would be. Could I be seen? Would he come find me? My prison was small tiny moments of time.
Now as the adult alcoholic and drug addict I have spent much time.... Over a decade... imprisoned.
It can be argued that the drugs and drinking imprisoned me. But from this point of view time held me tightest.
I never left that house where I heard the door... The pour... The footsteps.
I spent time... My time. Time all those years drinking my free present away. Gone. I allowed my today to exist only in that past.
Then about two years ago I figured out I had a real addiction. Crack. Drinking. Everything.
To compound the issues I suddenly was now imprisoned within my prison.
Guilt, shame, remorse, financial debt that still burdens me. A new prison for my mind to overcome. How do I deal?
Fact: The past, present and future are not continuous.
By what I was doing to myself I was linking the past and the future together with shot after shot. Puff after puff.
In those moments the present never existed. I decide my future was nothing before I even tried.
There is something real in "one day at a time" ... "Live for the moment" ... "We only have today"
The release from my prison was leaving that house never to return. I can never walk through that door again. It does not exist.
When I struggle at that special time of day I remember....
The past, present and future are not continuous.
I only have one of the three at any given moment. I ask myself which am I in? And it helps. It helps me a lot.
Growing up in an alcoholic house. The crazy of day to day... Moment to moment.
I was a prisoner to time. I knew the moment he drove up. I knew the moment the ice cubes hit the bottom of the glass. I knew by the length of pour what kind of night it would be. Could I be seen? Would he come find me? My prison was small tiny moments of time.
Now as the adult alcoholic and drug addict I have spent much time.... Over a decade... imprisoned.
It can be argued that the drugs and drinking imprisoned me. But from this point of view time held me tightest.
I never left that house where I heard the door... The pour... The footsteps.
I spent time... My time. Time all those years drinking my free present away. Gone. I allowed my today to exist only in that past.
Then about two years ago I figured out I had a real addiction. Crack. Drinking. Everything.
To compound the issues I suddenly was now imprisoned within my prison.
Guilt, shame, remorse, financial debt that still burdens me. A new prison for my mind to overcome. How do I deal?
Fact: The past, present and future are not continuous.
By what I was doing to myself I was linking the past and the future together with shot after shot. Puff after puff.
In those moments the present never existed. I decide my future was nothing before I even tried.
There is something real in "one day at a time" ... "Live for the moment" ... "We only have today"
The release from my prison was leaving that house never to return. I can never walk through that door again. It does not exist.
When I struggle at that special time of day I remember....
The past, present and future are not continuous.
I only have one of the three at any given moment. I ask myself which am I in? And it helps. It helps me a lot.
Ken- Thank you, so much for your post. I am not an ACOA, but I still feel a lot of the same feelings. I look at anything that doesn't work to my favor today, as a result of what I did in the past, realistic or not.
I'd forgotten bad things happen, good things happen, it can or cannot do with addiction. My nursing license is gone - that's a fact. I just got a job because I have a degree as a nurse, never expected THAT!!
Struggling in many ways, but also grateful that I'm not where I used to be. I've not been to prison, but I have been in jail. I don't want to be there any more.
Your post reminded me that I don't need to imprison myself. I can't undo all my wrongs, but I can do my best to make amends and be a better person. I do it daily, and good or bad days, I give thanks because I'm not the crack addict I used to be.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'd forgotten bad things happen, good things happen, it can or cannot do with addiction. My nursing license is gone - that's a fact. I just got a job because I have a degree as a nurse, never expected THAT!!
Struggling in many ways, but also grateful that I'm not where I used to be. I've not been to prison, but I have been in jail. I don't want to be there any more.
Your post reminded me that I don't need to imprison myself. I can't undo all my wrongs, but I can do my best to make amends and be a better person. I do it daily, and good or bad days, I give thanks because I'm not the crack addict I used to be.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 15
That was quite inspirational. I get so wrapped up in the past and forget what a beautiful time it is right now, in this moment. Its amazing how we all have our troublesome past, but we all want to live better today. I really enjoyed your post.
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