2muchpain

I have just nine days sober, and my mind is telling me that it's time to stop by the liquor store! This really ticks me off! I went through hell last week to clean up my act, the shaking, sweating, frequent trips to the bathroom, not sleeping. I mean, what does it take. I can't believe it is already crossing my mind to start again. That's just nuts. I am so mad at myself for even contemplating the idea, that I refuse to do it.

soberclover

It takes awhile to change the old habits....which you are doing by posting your thoughts on SR! Play it through.....when I drank NOTHING good ever happened.

Dee74

I think nearly everyone has cravings in the early days 2much - the real measure of our recovery is what we do with them.

You didn't cave and you ratted yourself out here - good job

D

least

Good job for not giving in to the cravings. They will pass with more sober time.

Tiptree

Hi 2Much - so glad to see that you posted this and are fighting through it. You can do it. It will get easier, one day at a time!

FlygirlJ

I thought the same thing. I'm on day 8 and I'm thinking alright I made it 8 days and my goal was 7 woohoo time to celebrate! But with what? How? I didn't go through too much hell physically, but then again I think back to why I decided to take a hiatus from alcohol to begin with (I am not convinced I am going to stop forever or if I want to)...is it worth it to go back and raise the risk again?

ronf

Don't believe everything you think.

Nonsensical

That's just addiction. And you're right - it's nuts. But since you know it's nuts you don't have to do anything about it.

FeelingGreat

Hi 2much, well done on coming to SR and posting about it. Get used to cravings popping up for some time, because it's not just physical withdrawal but also a habit. Drinking is how you've coped with life up until now, so your AV is still wanting it's dose.
If you can accept that you will crave from time to time, and think in advance about how you'll deal with it you're less likely to relapse.
I'm almost 2 years in, and I still get the urge now and then, but it's much weaker than when I was first sober and I'm much more confident as well.

matt4x4

I believe it.
You have an alcoholic mind, the world crashes around you when you drink, yet you want more. It will be different this time, your brain is telling a lie. It never is different. Yet you obsess over a drink. You take that drink and your body reacts by wanting more and more. You can control the obsession, the thought pattern. You cant control the body once it has a drop of alcohol.

FlygirlJ

I have noticed this in my life...chaos is comfortable to me, it is "normalcy". I do not know what "normal" really is. A calm sea is WTF to me. Storms are normal. I know how to deal with chaos, not calm. Maybe that's why I engage in addictive behaviors...

FreeOwl

hey, listen... don't be mad at YOURSELF. That voice isn't really you, it's your addicted mind.

Good job noticing it and making another choice.

matt4x4

Actually you dont know how to deal with chaos, if all you have ever done is drink. Calm you dont have to deal with, just slide on by.

2muchpain

Thanks for all your support. It's just that I am in a very rotten mood, and it would be easy to drop by the liquor store, go home and kick back for a day or two and relax and forget stuff. I am way past the idea that I can moderate my drinking, so I know those two days would lead to two weeks, so I won't do it, but it is tempting. This bad mood will pass a lot quicker if I stay sober. If I drink, it will just put off dealing with this mood, because it will just show up again. Today I'm fine. I'll deal with tomorrow when tomorrow shows up.

Pipefish

Well done for hanging in 2much. Everything you've described about your earlier withdrawals - imagine, if you don't pick up a drink, you need never go through any of that again.

Love the feedback that these are just thoughts - we don't have respond to them anymore the way we used to. That's freedom

RachelNorth

Hi. I am having a bad time at the moment. Yesterday was a bad day. I drank. spent the evening emptying leftovers down the sink, then I threw up til 2 in the morning. Nice. I am back here again today, sober, (as I have been since June last year, and many times previously) and I knoiw what I knew yesterday, drinking is horrible, it makes you feel horrible. and it ruins your life. but I went back yesterday because I could not find a reason not to. I should have come here instead. back to day one.

RachelNorth

hope that gives you reason not to. it doesn't even work we just think it does. hang in there, tomorrow will be better.

dax501

Yep my day 8 & 9 (I'm on 10 today) sucked. I woke up in a mood and that voice said "you want a drink". Then as the days got crappier and crappier, the voice got louder. It took a lot of posting on SR, crying, throwing stuff and sleep before it passed. And if I had to go out, I took someone with me so I wouldn't have the choice to stop at the liquor store. We're still babies at this. Cut yourself some slack and don't make it harder by beating yourself up.

GreenEggsAndHam

Love this!!!