Determined to support boyfriend
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 18
Determined,
I was you. I was friends with my ex for 10 years before we started dating. We did everything together, Boating snowmobiling 4-wheeling vacations everything except drinking. I loved him and he said he loved me. After 6 months living together things changed. He was drinking more and I was cleaning up the messes. While I was doing this he was in the bars getting drunk and come to find out looking for my replacement. I never thought he would actually do that but he did. He went camping with friends called me on Sunday told me he loved me and would be home in 2 hours and hasn't come home since. 2 months after this time he came with the police to pick up his belongings ( my son is in law enforcement so this was mortifying to him) my XABF didn't care he was showing off for his drunk friend he brought with him. He never loved me because he doesn't love himself. I know this isn't going to stop you from doing what you are doing because everyone thinks not my guy but just know it will happen unless he truly wants to get help. You cannot do this for him he has to do it on his own as I got my ex in rehab but he started drinking again as soon as he got out. the next day as a matter of fact. He has now lost his business, lost his home, lost his license (3rd DUI) will eventually be going to jail if he is not already there and he lost me. Take care of yourself because only you can.
I was you. I was friends with my ex for 10 years before we started dating. We did everything together, Boating snowmobiling 4-wheeling vacations everything except drinking. I loved him and he said he loved me. After 6 months living together things changed. He was drinking more and I was cleaning up the messes. While I was doing this he was in the bars getting drunk and come to find out looking for my replacement. I never thought he would actually do that but he did. He went camping with friends called me on Sunday told me he loved me and would be home in 2 hours and hasn't come home since. 2 months after this time he came with the police to pick up his belongings ( my son is in law enforcement so this was mortifying to him) my XABF didn't care he was showing off for his drunk friend he brought with him. He never loved me because he doesn't love himself. I know this isn't going to stop you from doing what you are doing because everyone thinks not my guy but just know it will happen unless he truly wants to get help. You cannot do this for him he has to do it on his own as I got my ex in rehab but he started drinking again as soon as he got out. the next day as a matter of fact. He has now lost his business, lost his home, lost his license (3rd DUI) will eventually be going to jail if he is not already there and he lost me. Take care of yourself because only you can.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 2
Scan2crow,
I appreciate your wisdom and advice. Today I was just reading through some posts and I can honestly say that the first time I read your response I was unsure what to take from it or perhaps afraid to listen to the words your were saying. Re-reading it today has brought on a new perspective- I do know that I can not change him and that it needs to be him who wants the change without me reminding him of the change he is striving for again. The biggest debate right now is how much time do I give him before I know or realize it is not going to happen?
I appreciate your wisdom and advice. Today I was just reading through some posts and I can honestly say that the first time I read your response I was unsure what to take from it or perhaps afraid to listen to the words your were saying. Re-reading it today has brought on a new perspective- I do know that I can not change him and that it needs to be him who wants the change without me reminding him of the change he is striving for again. The biggest debate right now is how much time do I give him before I know or realize it is not going to happen?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 18
Determined that answer can only come from you but I will tell you if he is still drinking and just talking about getting help he is not ready to change. Please remember this has nothing to do with you it has everything to do with alcohol. You will never come first when that is in the picture. I don't know how many times I've waited up worrying about if he is in a ditch somewhere or has he hurt someone on the road. It is going on 7 months since he walked out because I interfered with his drinking and I still think about him every day. At first I was angry because he lied cheated stole and betrayed me but today I wish him well He will always have a part of me with him and I will miss and love him but I am more important I matter I count. He saved me by leaving. Take care of yourself
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