"accidentally" getting drunk
 

I HATE THAT!!! I hate hate hate that. I am a binge drinker. and normally when I binge it's because I am trying to numb myself to a particular life stresser. I drank a lot when I was getting my MBA. I drank a lot when I had a very sick child. I drank a lot when I was buying my house.... going through my divorce... etc. and then recognized I hate it. I hate being a drunk mess, not being able to stop when I have had enough, never feeling like it was enough. so I stopped. I stopped drinking. For about 80 days I didn't have a drop. and then I got drunk one day... I was devastated that I slipped... and then started the count over again. Except this time I allowed myself to drink in moderation. That lasted another 60 days. And this weekend, I got DRUUUUNK.... at my own wedding :(

I was stressed... running around like crazy.... didn't eat... and honestly had 2 beers up until about 9pm. that's when it all went down hill. drink after drink... and it caught up to me. the tired, the not eating, the STRESS of the planning... and I woke up the next day hurting. I wound up drunk, not really remembering the end of the night, fighting with my new husband... and here it is 2 days later and I can't get rid of that DEEP IN THE BELLY feeling of shame and regret. I am just sad. so very sad.

the other 8 hours were fantastic! The last 2 hours can't ruin the other 8, right???? Shame on me for forgetting that *I* don't have control over alcohol, alcohol has control over me :(

If you wake up feeling regret shame and fighting with your new husband then I would say the other 8 hours weren't worth it. the problem for me was I never knew when I would cross over from fun to awful .It's so much easier to just not drink. why risk ruining eveyrthing you have, your new marriage etc. Imo the 'fantastic' 8 hours were possibly an illusion anyway

The fantastic 8 hours were when I was sober. I remember every detail, every emotion, every feeling. and then boom. I was drunk. how terribly weak and embarrassing.

I apologize -I thought you meant 8 hours drinking but not doing anything bad :)

Only thing I can recommend is starting over and doing something different for your recovery this time around. Start you new married life out on the right foot - sober. :) I hope our support can help you stop drinking for good. :hug:

@Uncharted - I also got hammered at my own wedding last year, and although it wasn't a total disaster, my hubby and two of our friends had to help me up to our bedroom, when I promptly passed out on the floor under a table... in my wedding dress - classy! I then spent the day after our wedding horribly hungover, so that was great fun for my new husband, and a total waste of the lovely bridal suite! ;-)

I've now - FINALLY after 20 years of drinking from the age of 16-36 - realised that I have a problem with drink as I can also go weeks without a drop, fine, but it's when I'm out socialising and drinking that I'm like you - one minute ok and sipping away happily and the next BOOM, I'm a blacked out mess. I can never tell where my tipping point is until it's too late, but once I'm over it it's guaranteed to be a disaster.

Don't let the drunk 2 hours of your wedding cloud your otherwise wonderful and happy memories of your day - every bride gets nervous on her big day and I'm sure 9 out of 10 have a drop too much to drink, so don't regret anything as it's all in the past now.

Look to the (sober!) future and take one day at a time. I think for occasional binge drinkers like us the whole moderation thing just isn't EVER going to work, so quitting the booze is the only option. And it's a great, positive, brilliant option that involves a clear head every day, no drink-related regrets or anxiety ever again, no more hangovers (woohoo!) and just a happy future to look forward to. Every sober day I wake up I think "wow, this is how great I'm going to feel for the rest of my life!" and that's a wonderful, happy thought!

You're stronger than your AV and can tell him "NO!". Each little blip along the difficult road to sobriety can only make us stronger and warn us of what our triggers are that we need to avoid in the future.

Now that you've remembered this, what's the plan? Is drinking off the table now? Do you think it will be difficult for you to quit?

There doesn't have to be a certain number of days that you can stay sober or not, or a certain amount of drinks before you get into trouble. If you notice a pattern that you always eventually go back to "trouble" which in this case equaled embarrassment, shame, etc. then you can ask yourself not do I have a problem but what am I willing to implement to help me with the problem. That could be a number of different things. But you need to have a plan. Welcome. Keep posting even if you drink and let us know how you are doing.

sounds to me like moderation doesn't really work that well for you.

Me either.

Sobriety is soooo much better.

Sorry to hear your remorse and shame... it's agonizing stuff. I know.

Do you think you are ready to embrace sobriety yet or do you need to fall further?

:ring

I know how you feel, particularly the worrying about the sick child bit. Just keep hanging onto that 8 hour thought xxxx

Stress is a major trigger for me too. I wish I could take my own advice at times but here goes...

Stress is largely self created. Change your thinking and your stress should reduce.

Unchartered, your post brought tears to my eyes, I could feel the pain in your message. Give yourself a hug and make a new vow, no more of this. You have a wonderful chance at a new start in life. Go and give your new husband a big hug and tell him how much you love him. Don't look back x

I'm sorry that happened. You can only get up and start riding again....

[QUOTE=Go and give your new husband a big hug and tell him how much you love him. Don't look back x[/QUOTE]

Fantastic advice, just keep looking forward to a sober future. And congratulations on your wedding :)

I am a binge drinker myself. Its just another one of those springs in our head. Now, nothing is accidental here. If you chose not to work on sobriety, not to progress and heal and become recovered then that is a choice YOU MAKE. Choosing to drink is not accidental. No stranger comes walking up to you and forces a drink down your throat. No way. Our actions are choice. We chose to stand up, walk or drive to the liquor store, choose our drink, pay for the drink, walk home or to the back alley of the liquor and we choose to crack open the cap, we choose to lift the bottle to our lips and we choose to drink. Many steps in this Accidental Drinking lie we tell ourselves. A normal person just has one or two drinks, an alcoholic will lie to themselves thinking they are normal, but never having just one or two drinks. We drink to oblivion. Why is this? We want to change the way we feel.