The time is now
 

So it's finally time to admit I have a drinking problem. I have been lying to myself for several years "trying" to quit, "trying" to control it, "trying" to do something about it, but never quite believing my problem was, well, a problem.

My thinking being that many times I quit drinking after 6 drinks, 7 drinks, believing that if I don't get super drunk, I am not a drunk. LOL. I even had an AA guy tell me I was a heavy drinker and not an alcoholic. That helped me continue to drink for two or three more years.

But I am done, I marked it on my calendar, today is the day to admit that yes I am, indeed, an alcoholic. Last night I drank 10 or 12 (I lost count) beers at a friend's house (fellow alkie, of course), tried to call my ex-boyfriend and left him a message, drunk and stupid. Today I am ashamed of myself, hung over, feel like an @ss and ready to admit I do not control my addiction, it is controlling me and it always will.

So there is no choice but to quit. Years ago I had quit drinking when I was 30. I made it seven years sober and picked up again. Now at age 44 I am again a drunk and very tired of it.

Obsession, yes, but if I am going to be obsessed, then I would rather obsess about AA and this message board, then continue obsessing about alcohol.

Count me in for one day sober, today is the day to do and quit pretending. And if my post helps any one person out there even a little, then I have really done something good with this addiction, if nothing else.

Welcome to SR... good news, the fact you decided to quit once and made it 7 years means you know you have it in you. One of the hardest parts for me has been truly admitting to myself I am an alcoholic, still struggling with that in fact... Good job in taking the first steps and good luck on your journey....

Sounds like you're ready to make the change. Congratulations on Day 1. :c011:

Way to go, Gibbons! Welcome!

Welcome to SR Gibbons :)

D

Great choice Gibbons, you will not regret your decision. SR is here to help.

Right on Gibbons!
Once I finally admitted my problem and quit (as of 12 days ago) I have not enjoyed life this much since I can remember.

:welcome


I suggest you post in the Class of February since you stopped drinking this month. It helps with daily support. :)

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-3-a.html


Also feel free to join the 24 hour club. It's an ongoing thread in Daily Support forum. You just post once a day committing to staying sober for the next 24 hours. :) It's another way to commit to sobriety.


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-welcome.html

Good luck, 7 years is like WOW! Whooop whoooop!!!!!

Welcome Gibbons! Everyone here will help you all they can. I can't stop once I start drinking and it is a scary realisation to admit.

Thanks everyone for the support. I have been on here before and said I was going to stop, then always end of convincing myself I am not that bad. It's not true. It is a problem and I know it.

Today was "hangover day." Thank God I am starting to feel better.

You know, part of the reason I never sought out support was that I always believed I could do it on my own and that it took too much time to sit in chat rooms, type on forums, etc. Today, "hangover day," as I said, I did absolutely nothing. So if I have time to waste a whole day trying to feel better, I certainly can find the time to seek out the support I need.

Anyhow, thanks again.

I'm glad you are ready to start again Gibbons. :) Proud of you for taking charge and being determined (even with a hangover). I had 3 yrs. once & picked up again - for 7 yrs. I know how painful it is - but the main thing is you're back on track.

Hello, I know I despise those days where I waste the whole day recovering.

I am finding this evening that I am experiencing a lot of panic !
I just want to go to sleep, wishing I could sleep until all of the pain goes away...

I'm so afraid my boyfriend is going to see what a failure I can be when I am drunk.
It just makes me so sad.

I wish you much luck in your recovery!

Thanks Hevyn. I could kick myself for ever starting again. It's been about 7 years drinking this time, when before I had 7 years sober. But I can't go back into the past. I can only go forward.

The time thing has always been a big issue with me and I don't know why. I am single and although all those married people out there with kids think they are busy, I always feel the same way trying to work, clean house, etc. and never have any help. I have good intentions in the beginning to stay sober and "do the work," but I end up getting involved with "real life" and forget my sobriety.

The AAers say sobriety comes first and it does have to. I have to quit thinking that I don't need the help because that leads me back to drinking again. With support, one day at a time, I know I can do this. I did before and I am praying I am committed and strong enough to do it again.

For a lot of people its not the act of toning down your drinking that is hardest, it is coming to terms with the fact that you have a problem. For me, coming to terms with the fact that I can't have a healthy drinking routine was really awful.

Good job admitting this (especially to yourself), nobody if going to fail harder than someone who can't be honest with his/herself, so you have that hurdle out of the way.

Well, what I realized that is funny is I say "real life" gets in the way. But drinking is part of my life and that is just as "real" as anything else and my sobriety needs to be too, if I want to stay sober. So fitting in meetings and being on here needs to be a daily activity that I am committed to continuing.