I just can't seem to do it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 10
I just can't seem to do it
Sorry for the gloomy sounding title, but it really reflects what I'm going through with drinking at the moment.
I have been drinking every night now for over 10 years, sinking about 8 cans of lager a night (Fosters/Carling etc). A lot more at weekends. I'm sick to my back teeth of it now and really want to stop but can't seem to
The trouble is I have virtually no will power. None! I have plenty in the morning though when I wake up, but gradually during the working day, I'll start to think, "Look Luke, start tomorrow, you'll get there", but that tomorrow never arrives.
I get to the evenings and think sod it, and before I know it, back down to the store to buy more. I really hate myself for failing every time. I sneak off and drink and hide away, and get moody with my kids for coming into the room while I drink. Even my kids say, "buying more beer daddy" if they come to the store with me.
As of today, I am trying to quit again... I desperately want to succeed, real bad! It's just the feeling of something missing in the evenings and the hot flushy feelings and wanting to just go to bed to get the evening out the way.
Sorry for the long post, but really just wanting to be a better dad and to succeed this time!
Thank you for taking the time to read!
I have been drinking every night now for over 10 years, sinking about 8 cans of lager a night (Fosters/Carling etc). A lot more at weekends. I'm sick to my back teeth of it now and really want to stop but can't seem to
The trouble is I have virtually no will power. None! I have plenty in the morning though when I wake up, but gradually during the working day, I'll start to think, "Look Luke, start tomorrow, you'll get there", but that tomorrow never arrives.
I get to the evenings and think sod it, and before I know it, back down to the store to buy more. I really hate myself for failing every time. I sneak off and drink and hide away, and get moody with my kids for coming into the room while I drink. Even my kids say, "buying more beer daddy" if they come to the store with me.
As of today, I am trying to quit again... I desperately want to succeed, real bad! It's just the feeling of something missing in the evenings and the hot flushy feelings and wanting to just go to bed to get the evening out the way.
Sorry for the long post, but really just wanting to be a better dad and to succeed this time!
Thank you for taking the time to read!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
At least a hundred times in my life I have got up in the morning, poured every drop of liquor in my house down the sink and said NEVER AGAIN, only to buy more within the next 36 hours.
It's called addiction.
The good news is that you're in the right place to find out how to beat it. Welcome to Sober Recovery, and the fight of your life.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
It's called addiction.
The good news is that you're in the right place to find out how to beat it. Welcome to Sober Recovery, and the fight of your life.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Randummy
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 131
Originally Posted by Luke32 
Sorry for the gloomy sounding title, but it really reflects what I'm going through with drinking at the moment.
I have been drinking every night now for over 10 years, sinking about 8 cans of lager a night (Fosters/Carling etc). A lot more at weekends. I'm sick to my back teeth of it now and really want to stop but can't seem to
The trouble is I have virtually no will power. None! I have plenty in the morning though when I wake up, but gradually during the working day, I'll start to think, "Look Luke, start tomorrow, you'll get there", but that tomorrow never arrives.
I get to the evenings and think sod it, and before I know it, back down to the store to buy more. I really hate myself for failing every time. I sneak off and drink and hide away, and get moody with my kids for coming into the room while I drink. Even my kids say, "buying more beer daddy" if they come to the store with me.
As of today, I am trying to quit again... I desperately want to succeed, real bad! It's just the feeling of something missing in the evenings and the hot flushy feelings and wanting to just go to bed to get the evening out the way.
Sorry for the long post, but really just wanting to be a better dad and to succeed this time!
Thank you for taking the time to read!
I have been drinking every night now for over 10 years, sinking about 8 cans of lager a night (Fosters/Carling etc). A lot more at weekends. I'm sick to my back teeth of it now and really want to stop but can't seem to
The trouble is I have virtually no will power. None! I have plenty in the morning though when I wake up, but gradually during the working day, I'll start to think, "Look Luke, start tomorrow, you'll get there", but that tomorrow never arrives.
I get to the evenings and think sod it, and before I know it, back down to the store to buy more. I really hate myself for failing every time. I sneak off and drink and hide away, and get moody with my kids for coming into the room while I drink. Even my kids say, "buying more beer daddy" if they come to the store with me.
As of today, I am trying to quit again... I desperately want to succeed, real bad! It's just the feeling of something missing in the evenings and the hot flushy feelings and wanting to just go to bed to get the evening out the way.
Sorry for the long post, but really just wanting to be a better dad and to succeed this time!
Thank you for taking the time to read!
Welcome! Maybe a good place to start would be to call your GP and be totally honest as you might need some tests to see the impact it's having on your body. I feel the same way with the motivation eroding as the day goes on and it's horrible. That being said, I guess the main thing to do is to make some new habits.
At weekends I generally drink from afternoon all the way through to late night, and on weekdays I drink as soon as I get home and till I pass out. I don't know about you but it's kind of a ritual to get the alcohol on the way home and slump on the sofa drinking all evening, put something quick, easy and processed in the oven and eat it without thinking about it.
I'm only on day three but the past couple of days have been hard to break this habit. There are a couple of things that seem to be helping me though. When I get home, I immediately run a bath. It stops me going into auto-pilot or going out and getting some alcohol, it just buys me some thinking time. I also don't have any processed food in the house so everything has to be cooked from scratch. I can't get drunk and just chew on a bit of kale; I need to put real meals together and I start cooking straightaway after the bath. Then I've been eating with just music playing, no other distractions and then writing. I'm trying to form new habits so distancing yourself from your routine will probably help a lot.
Good luck and keep trying to see what works for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 10
Thanks for the replies! Randummy, day 3! Nice one! I can't wait to be on day 3, I really will try and get there.
Sounds like your drinking was very similar to mine, and I keep snacking on pizza late evening so you're right, I need some new habits.
I did talk to my doctor a while back and he was very dismissive and made me feel very small. "Do you think it's good to lie to your family?" with quite a condescending tone.
I think it's wreaked havoc with my body, my breathing is quite shallow, my back hurts from supporting my belly and I have real problems concentrating. I really got to stop!
Sounds like your drinking was very similar to mine, and I keep snacking on pizza late evening so you're right, I need some new habits.
I did talk to my doctor a while back and he was very dismissive and made me feel very small. "Do you think it's good to lie to your family?" with quite a condescending tone.
I think it's wreaked havoc with my body, my breathing is quite shallow, my back hurts from supporting my belly and I have real problems concentrating. I really got to stop!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Luke, you've come to the right place. I was a daily drinker, and so were lots of others on SR, but there is hope. I'm coming up for 2 years sober, and even though at one time I thought I could never stop, now I think I would never go back. I was sick and tired of my whole life being ruled by the thought of when I would have my next drink. You have even more incentive with your children watching you and learning from you.
Not everyone can just stop drinking and keep it up without support. My first step was to see my GP and tell him honestly how much I drank (hard!), and that I wanted to stop. I read a lot on the internet and thought about why I wanted to quit. Finally I felt strong enough.
Just after I stopped drinking I found SR and I'm sure it's been a major factor in keeping me on track through all the ups and downs.
Don't stop trying it's worth it, I promise you.
Not everyone can just stop drinking and keep it up without support. My first step was to see my GP and tell him honestly how much I drank (hard!), and that I wanted to stop. I read a lot on the internet and thought about why I wanted to quit. Finally I felt strong enough.
Just after I stopped drinking I found SR and I'm sure it's been a major factor in keeping me on track through all the ups and downs.
Don't stop trying it's worth it, I promise you.
Randummy
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 131
Originally Posted by Luke32
Thanks for the replies! Randummy, day 3! Nice one! I can't wait to be on day 3, I really will try and get there.
Sounds like your drinking was very similar to mine, and I keep snacking on pizza late evening so you're right, I need some new habits.
I did talk to my doctor a while back and he was very dismissive and made me feel very small. "Do you think it's good to lie to your family?" with quite a condescending tone.
I think it's wreaked havoc with my body, my breathing is quite shallow, my back hurts from supporting my belly and I have real problems concentrating. I really got to stop!
Sounds like your drinking was very similar to mine, and I keep snacking on pizza late evening so you're right, I need some new habits.
I did talk to my doctor a while back and he was very dismissive and made me feel very small. "Do you think it's good to lie to your family?" with quite a condescending tone.
I think it's wreaked havoc with my body, my breathing is quite shallow, my back hurts from supporting my belly and I have real problems concentrating. I really got to stop!
Yeah I think forming new habits is always hard but you'll get there. I have nine different flavours of herbal tea and some Lilt. My plan is to bombard my body with fluids to avoid the cravings haha.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi Luke and welcome to the board, there's a lot of great support here!
You described the feeling as missing something and just wanting to go to bed and get the day over with. That's how a craving works, you want something that you can't have and sometimes it's really hard to see that it does pass. It does though, you just have to allow yourself to get through it. It all has to start somewhere.
You said that you just wanted to go to bed and get the evening out of the way. You said that you have kids but there's no mention of a spouse. Is there a way that you can talk to them so that you can allow yourself to do what you need in the beginning? Sometimes going to bed is the answer. Realistically you can't do that forever but in those beginning days you have to do whatever it is that you need to do in order to get through.
Do you have a plan for recovery? That helps tremendously. I was a weekend binge drinker. In the beginning I planned things to do that would make it impossible for me to drink. Sitting idle just feeds the addictive voice.
Come here and read, read, read, and post, post, post. We all understand because we've all been there.
You described the feeling as missing something and just wanting to go to bed and get the day over with. That's how a craving works, you want something that you can't have and sometimes it's really hard to see that it does pass. It does though, you just have to allow yourself to get through it. It all has to start somewhere.
You said that you just wanted to go to bed and get the evening out of the way. You said that you have kids but there's no mention of a spouse. Is there a way that you can talk to them so that you can allow yourself to do what you need in the beginning? Sometimes going to bed is the answer. Realistically you can't do that forever but in those beginning days you have to do whatever it is that you need to do in order to get through.
Do you have a plan for recovery? That helps tremendously. I was a weekend binge drinker. In the beginning I planned things to do that would make it impossible for me to drink. Sitting idle just feeds the addictive voice.
Come here and read, read, read, and post, post, post. We all understand because we've all been there.
Randummy
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 131
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
Hi Luke and welcome to the board, there's a lot of great support here!
You described the feeling as missing something and just wanting to go to bed and get the day over with. That's how a craving works, you want something that you can't have and sometimes it's really hard to see that it does pass. It does though, you just have to allow yourself to get through it. It all has to start somewhere.
You said that you just wanted to go to bed and get the evening out of the way. You said that you have kids but there's no mention of a spouse. Is there a way that you can talk to them so that you can allow yourself to do what you need in the beginning? Sometimes going to bed is the answer. Realistically you can't do that forever but in those beginning days you have to do whatever it is that you need to do in order to get through.
Do you have a plan for recovery? That helps tremendously. I was a weekend binge drinker. In the beginning I planned things to do that would make it impossible for me to drink. Sitting idle just feeds the addictive voice.
Come here and read, read, read, and post, post, post. We all understand because we've all been there.
You described the feeling as missing something and just wanting to go to bed and get the day over with. That's how a craving works, you want something that you can't have and sometimes it's really hard to see that it does pass. It does though, you just have to allow yourself to get through it. It all has to start somewhere.
You said that you just wanted to go to bed and get the evening out of the way. You said that you have kids but there's no mention of a spouse. Is there a way that you can talk to them so that you can allow yourself to do what you need in the beginning? Sometimes going to bed is the answer. Realistically you can't do that forever but in those beginning days you have to do whatever it is that you need to do in order to get through.
Do you have a plan for recovery? That helps tremendously. I was a weekend binge drinker. In the beginning I planned things to do that would make it impossible for me to drink. Sitting idle just feeds the addictive voice.
Come here and read, read, read, and post, post, post. We all understand because we've all been there.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi and welcome Luke 
Coming here definitely helped me focus on the problem. It was much harder to rationalise that I didn't have a problem if I'd been posting and reading here everyday.
For me it wasn't willpower that I needed - part of my will wanted to drink - I just didn't want the consequences.
What I needed was acceptance - acceptance that my drinking was destroying me.
It's much harder to drink when you accept that as an immutable fact too.
You'll find a ton of support here.
D
Coming here definitely helped me focus on the problem. It was much harder to rationalise that I didn't have a problem if I'd been posting and reading here everyday.
For me it wasn't willpower that I needed - part of my will wanted to drink - I just didn't want the consequences.
What I needed was acceptance - acceptance that my drinking was destroying me.
It's much harder to drink when you accept that as an immutable fact too.
You'll find a ton of support here.
D
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 56
I know what you are talking about completely Luke, very similar to me. But, I am on day 12 and never thought I'd be able to get here. I started tai chi that I do to get rid of cravings, take a lot of hot baths, and play guitar. The cravings still come and go (I expect that is to be a part of my life, but they are much easier to handle than hangovers and guilt).
It is so true, just look to get thru the day.
It is so true, just look to get thru the day.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 10
Thank you so much everyone, I really do feel supported and that I could very well succeed with this support!
LadyBlue, I do have a wife who is incredibly supportive and patient, but I get moody and irritable when she mentions my drinking habits because I guess I'm being defensive.
I think part of my recovery will be to be there to support others too, so I feel like I'm helping others as well!
Really optimistic that I can post in a weeks time that I've been sober for 7 days, let's see what tonight brings though
LadyBlue, I do have a wife who is incredibly supportive and patient, but I get moody and irritable when she mentions my drinking habits because I guess I'm being defensive.
I think part of my recovery will be to be there to support others too, so I feel like I'm helping others as well!
Really optimistic that I can post in a weeks time that I've been sober for 7 days, let's see what tonight brings though
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Luke32
Really optimistic that I can post in a weeks time that I've been sober for 7 days, let's see what tonight brings though
And me telling that voice NO!
You can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
Tonight for me will bring the voice in my head saying just one more time. One more time won't matter. We'll start again tomorrow, or next week. Just be more careful. You weren't careful last time, that makes people upset. Hide some in the garage, that way you can drink 8, but it only looks like you had 3. You'll never feel OK unless you drink....blah...blah...blah...
And me telling that voice NO!
You can do this.
And me telling that voice NO!
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 225
Luke there is so much good advice here. So many people have achieved what you are aiming for. You can do it too. When that craving comes, think it through to the hangover and guilt you'll feel if you succumb.
I put money into a different account every day, the money I would have spent on wine. I thought I'd spend it on a bicycle. I'll be able to buy bicycles for my whole family if I keep this up! It's a great incentive.
I put money into a different account every day, the money I would have spent on wine. I thought I'd spend it on a bicycle. I'll be able to buy bicycles for my whole family if I keep this up! It's a great incentive.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
It took me 25 years, but I finally realized 3 things.
1. That voice is the voice of my addiction. Normal drinkers don't hear it. I do because I am addicted to alcohol.
2. In 25 years that voice has not told me one true thing. Everything it has ever told me has been a lie. When it tells me next time will be OK or next time you can stop at 4..., it isn't mistaken or misinformed - it lies. It intentionally deceives me to get what it wants. My addiction has given birth to a liar living in my own head.
3. That voice doesn't have any power that I don't willingly give it. Yeah, I feel like having a beer. So what? Some days I feel like throwing my stapler at my boss's head. Acting on feelings, as it turns out, is completely optional.
It's hard for a little while, but if you stick with it, then one day in the future you'll be getting ready for bed and you'll suddenly realize I didn't think about drinking all day today. No buzz can compare to that freedom.
You can do this.
1. That voice is the voice of my addiction. Normal drinkers don't hear it. I do because I am addicted to alcohol.
2. In 25 years that voice has not told me one true thing. Everything it has ever told me has been a lie. When it tells me next time will be OK or next time you can stop at 4..., it isn't mistaken or misinformed - it lies. It intentionally deceives me to get what it wants. My addiction has given birth to a liar living in my own head.
3. That voice doesn't have any power that I don't willingly give it. Yeah, I feel like having a beer. So what? Some days I feel like throwing my stapler at my boss's head. Acting on feelings, as it turns out, is completely optional.
It's hard for a little while, but if you stick with it, then one day in the future you'll be getting ready for bed and you'll suddenly realize I didn't think about drinking all day today. No buzz can compare to that freedom.
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
Hi Luke! Welcome. I am pulling for you. I really hope you stick around here on SR and let us know how you are doing. Post a fresh thread if you feel tempted and just wait for everyone come alongside you! I really want this for you because I can hear the need for it in your posts. You can do it, Luke. It is not always easy, but it IS always worth it!
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