Robanon

Hello everybody. I was a member here in '08 (other username inactive for some reason), and you guys helped me quit.

Some background: early 30's, 2 kids, happily married and employed. Had a big work scare in early 2012, and I started drinking again after 3 years of sobriety.

Quit once before then for about a year, but other than that, daily drinker since I started college at 18.

Last 2 years have essentially been a long binge. It started moderately (first few weeks?) but quickly progressed to my old patterns. My work is such that I travel and entertain a lot - bad recipe - but ironically I drink more at home.

Where I am today: anxiety meds in the morning to try and control the sweats/agitation (I sweat PROFUSELY all day long, even with the meds), and close to a case of beer a night. Sometimes wine, sometimes liquor (depending on company/situation), but always 20+ 'units' a night. Don't drink during the day, but the anxiety meds seem to keep the wd's at bay until I start back up at night. Generally a 6 pack quickly before dinner makes me feel 'normal', and I don't appear sloshed until quite a few more.

Recently had an 'event' that happened around work, and has my bosses concerned. Maybe it's the wake up call I needed, and I'm committed to quitting again.

I can't control this any longer. I have a second chance at work, but I know I can screw it up easily in one night. Unlike most people, drinking makes me want to drink more - and more - until I'm asleep. The issue is what happens between drink 1 and bed. I'm the sole breadwinner in my house, and if I mess this up we are in trouble.

This disease has killed family members.

I'm trying to taper now, and am concerned about the benzo co-dependency. I'll call my doc in the morning and schedule an appointment, attempt to detox outpatient, and then find the rooms again that were so helpful in the past.

I don't think I'm seeking anything in particular here, just wanted to share (briefly) my story and hopefully get myself on the road to recovery again. I appreciate all you've done for many in my situation, and I'm sure my story arc mimics many others.

Thanks to all who have read this far.

Rob

least

I'm glad you're back trying again. It's never too late to start over. Welcome back!

GotGrace

Welcome back, Rob. I am sure you will offer a lot of knowledge and we will try to do the same. Either way, you know the support is here!

Pedro1234

Welcome back Your not new to this so i hope you bring your past experience with you and that it makes it so much easier for you. Keep posting your progress and issues. It really helps

Anna

Welcome back and I know you will find support here.

Dee74

Welcome back Rob

Be honest with your Dr about how much you drink.I'm glad you're getting checked over - even if you're attempting to taper, you were drinking a lot.

I think you'll find a lot of your issues - anxiety, sweating - will be very much better once you quit - they may even disappear entirely after a while

D

Brian316

Welcome!

Hevyn

Hi Rob - I'm so glad you came back & wanted to share what's been going on. You never have to be alone with this.

Robanon

Thanks all for the kind words. Alcohol is an insidious substance, and those of us inclined to it have something special in common.

I'm embarrassed at 2 years off the wagon, but look forward to trying to get my life back. It's easy to kid yourself that drinking is part of life, but it's really all consuming. I hope when I'm 'back' I can be a better dad, citizen, businessman.

You are a fantastic and nurturing community. Thanks for welcoming me back.

Coffeebreath

Hi Robanon, even though I don't really know you (I'm new on this site) "welcome back" as we say and as you know from your post "This disease has killed family members" you're one of the lucky ones. Just take it one day at a time (ODAAT), stay connected - spiritually, physically and mentally and do what you're supposed to do. And of course don't forget
H onesty O penmindedness and W illingness

Keep Trudging!

Robanon

This is a hard thing, but thanks for the reminder. Telling my doc I consume 2500 calories a day of alcohol is an embarrassing, but necessary thing. My cholesterol is high, but he didn't put me on statins last time because my liver enzymes were too high. (Ha! Previously diagnosed with fatty liver disease, which is one step away from cirrhosis). We've allowed 3 months for diet and exercise. I've eaten clean and worked out, but the drinking hasn't stopped, so I'll be in the same place.

100% honest with the doc! instructions not to write it up as alcoholism! and hopefully I'll be through this in a week. Thank you.


La

Robanon

Thank you for the inspiration.. And I will! H O W.

tornrealization

I got a clean bill of liver health. That means nothing. I am hoping for you to quit. I'm not one to talk but sharing on these boards is better than not trying.

Robanon

It means clean liver. If you treat it well from here on out, you're golden. Quitting for even a day is a win. Let's stay in touch.

pdub26

Benzos were my downfall! I would take Klonis before, during, and after drinking Then it caught up with me and landed me in Detox/Rehab. Thank God I was in Detox for the comedown...Benzos are a beast! Don't worry though, they'll taper you off and be monitoring you like a hawk. Just take it easy and yourself to heal. I wish you the best of luck on your road to recovery Rob! On a more positive note, people like yourself allow people like me to believe that this sobriety thing really works.

KateL

Welcome Robananon xxxxxxxxxxxx

Robanon

Hi all -

I figured it wasn't worth starting another thread, but I just wanted to share that I'm trying to come back!

The AV (alcoholic voice) is an insidious one. I look back on my intro post - nearly 6 months ago - and I feel the same way today that I did then, and yet I've been following the same drinking pattern since.

I've made some more mistakes (ha!), but my drinking is about where it was 6 months ago. Completely unsustainable. One good thing is I haven't upped my benzo dose, but 12-30 drinks a night is still standard. I'm not sure if I can talk about this on here, but to be vague I tried a 'I can be a social drinker again!' Method involving a certain med taken before drinking.

Maybe it works for some people, but it just pisses me off that the booze isn't as much fun - so I just drink through it until night-night. It brought some easy denial - drinking is now good for me! But if it seems too good to be true, ... Sobriety is the answer.

Going out actually scares me because I don't trust myself anymore. This thing is progressive - 3 years clean and 2.5 years back on the sauce, and I'm way worse than I was 5.5 years ago.

So I went to a shrink this week. Got the vitamins, meds, and BP cuff for an at-home detox. (Scientific word is 'out patient').

My plan: weekend trip with oldest friend, maybe drink maybe not, but I don't need to be detoxing at their place.

Day 1 will be Sunday. Full support of wife. I have a function Sunday night where there will be booze; either I'm too sick or I go with wife for support. (Detox meds in effect here)

Day 2 is Monday... Need to work, but can maybe do from home. Will go to AA.

Day 3 is Tuesday... 2 job interviews (have a good job, but some other opportunities that look really good -- and I need to be sober for this next stage of life. Too much to lose), and I hope with the meds I survive / don't make an ass of myself. AA again

Day 4 is Wednesday ... Hopefully I've survived, I'm AF, and I get to start enjoying life again. (And AA )

(I know the trip this weekend is ill advised, but it's been on the books awhile)

Wish me luck all and thanks so much for the support over the years.

GotGrace

Welcome back, Rob. I hope your plan works and that we will hear more from you in the weeks to come!

Raider

Glad to see you Rob.

Kubis8

Thanks for sharing...... Despite all your problems, something has led you to not only try again but also brought you back here where you know your in good company and people will support you.... You've done it before so you know you can do it again.....