Hlpmeundrstnd

Hello my name is Taylour! I've been surrounded by addiction in many forms the majority of my life. I now face addiction with the man I will someday marry. He is on a slow path to recovery but I don't understand the addiction in the way I feel I should as his partner in his journey. My mother was an alcoholic and drug addict my entire childhood and I never quite came to terms with it. I held a lot of anger and just denial over it and I don't want to hold the same resentment towards my boyfriend. I want to grasp from an addict how to be the most supportive and understanding person in this matter. He feels I judge him and push him and he's right and I don't want to do that. Please help me get a better understanding of what I can do to help, years from now I don't want to be angry over this addiction but rather say we got through it together.

least

Welcome to the family. Is your bf currently clean? If so, for how long?

We have forums just for friends and family of addicts and alcoholics. Take a look and ask your questions there for further insight.

Dee74

Hi hlpmeunderstand

I always struggle with answering these types of posts because not all addicts are alike - we're all different, just like 'normal' folk

What I do think is true tho is you can't run your bf's recovery for him - you can support him, but he needs to accept that responsibility himself.

I think it's very important for you to retain a strong sense of self and of your own boundaries.

Have you thought about something like NarAnon for yourself? It may help you get to the bottom of those resentments and that anger you spoke of?

You'll find a lot of experience help and support here anyway - welcome
D

Anna

I agree with Dee. We are all individuals and we all have our own approach to recovery.

The best thing for you is to seek support at NarAnon or AlAnon and check out the Friends & Families forums on this board.

Hlpmeundrstnd

Least- yes he is clean currently it's been about a month so it's all new for him.
Dee- I've looked into NarAnon but the closest group is 3 hours from where I live that's how I found this site. I've gone to AA meetings with him and tried finding more groups to join with him as he requested I do but I'm not having a lot of luck in my town.

Dee74

thats a shame. but like I said you'll find a lot of experience and wisdom here, and in our Family and Friends forums too

D

kflee

I sat for a minute thinking what to post and realized this is verbatum word for word what I would say. Retain that strength within yourself, don't ever lose that. My husband made it through a lot of my bad days because he always kept that strength even when I tried to take it away. Now I look back and see very clear how every A is different.
I am sure you will find lots of support and responses to your posts. There are a few forums that can relate to your situation. Good luck.

Hlpmeundrstnd

Thank you both very much! I look fwd to hearing from people on these forums! So far it's proven to be very insightful .