Hanging on.
 

Hey everyone.

I'm on a 12 hour home pass right now so I figured I'd post on here before going to the meeting.

Today is day 96 and it is a blessing. I'm starting to notice and appreciate little things like sunny days and nature and stuff, it is so amazing, I was never able to do that. I've been dealing with a lot of stuff though. PTSD and flashbacks are pretty bad lately and I haven't been coping well, I've been self-harming again but I am working on it. Anxiety seems so bad sometimes I feel like I'm going to crawl out of my skin. The depression makes it difficult to enjoy anything sometimes. I have fits of rage/anger that make me wanna kill someone..

But the beautiful thing about it is that I don't have to use over any of it.
For me, there's no such thing as bad days any more, only bad moments, but they pass. And I love life.

I'm going to my favorite NA meeting soon, then going over my step 1 with my sponsor, then going to a bookstore/coffee shop with my friend. It should be a great day.

Hope everyone is doing well! :)

Jake.

Jake, you've written some of my favorite posts on this site - inspiring posts that I've referred to others. You've got some challenges, that's clear, but you are facing them with such courage and positivity. It's so good to hear that you are hanging in there, growing, and doing better every day. So good to hear that you love life. Keep moving forward, as you are, and things will get better and better. Thanks for the update.

Great going, Jakec :) xxxx

Congrats on 96 days sober! :c011:

Well done on 96 days Jake, that is great.

I don't know if a home pass means you are in the forces, but you are doing fantastically to be at 96 days when you are dealing with flashbacks and a lot of pain.

I agree life keeps getting better the longer we stay stopped. And I agree about the stuff about moments that you wrote. I didn't start my recovery one day at a time, I started it one moment at a time. One day was way to huge and frightening for me. And like you now the negative stuff is now more measurable in moments as well.

Really glad you will enjoy your day and your meeting. :)

great post Jake - thank you :)

congrats on your sober time :)

D