dramaron

To JackieC:

Thank you for your reply. I’ve reminded me (as I certainly need reminding on a very regular basis, to get out of self, help others and you will find you are helping yourself. Basic A.A. wisdom there. And yes, after 28 years in A.A. I still forget the simplest things. I was in the UK for six months. While there I volunteered at a treatment center. I was also asked to sponsor someone, which I continue to do, albeit by long distance. So, again, thank you for the reminder.

To tomsteve:

I don’t have the Big Book in front of me, but I did do a Google search for that phrase. I found some very interesting results and would encourage you to do the same search.

To SeekingGrowth:

That is a very complicated question you asked, about feeling this way or different when I worked as a counselor. The best way I can answer is to say that treatment isn’t A.A. That’s not all of my answer, but for me personally it was often frustrating to try to be a counselor to people who didn’t want to be in treatment or counseled. This was particularly true when I worked as a counselor in a treatment center located in a prison. Most of the prisoners were there for multiple drunk driving convictions. The level of denial was breathtaking! On the other hand I have always enjoyed being a member of A.A. and attending meetings. Part of my problem today is that in some of the places where I have been traveling there aren’t any English-speaking meetings. But I agree with you whole-heartedly, service is what keeps us sober!

To Johnson:

I’m very curious, what is this philosophy that you follow today that keeps you sober? Maybe I can take up that philosophy and say good-be to A.A. (After 28 years? Really!?)

Joe Nerv

This jumped out at me, and I had a rough time really paying attention to anything after it. I'm sober pretty much the same amount of time as you, and I also go through feelings of "is this all there is", but the thought of a drink as an option or possibility doesn't enter my mind. My doubts, my fears, my worries, my depressions, all come and go. Underneath though is the knowledge that alcohol is not in my future. To even think that it might be, is leaving a crack open in that door of possibility. Do I think I am immune to it? Of course not. But I don't think I'd ever say if I do or don't do something, I WILL drink again. Maybe it was just a poor choice of words on your part, but words have a lot of power, and those words are flashing red lights to me.

I guess I got a little concerned also because I have a woman friend who was a counselor here in NY, who was sober about the same time as us, who wound up picking up not long after being done with her job. She got into trouble with pills, but I suspect the drinking has also returned.

As for moving forward, I really do think I understand your experience. In the midst of a similar thing myself. I'm married, comfortable in my living situation, been doing a lot of traveling... I've seen a lot of europe and the US, been to lots of islands, hawaii, venice this past year which was a lifelong dream. And with that all now being done, I sometimes wonder what the future holds. At the core of my addiction is an addiction to excitement. And I guess, newness. I like new experiences, new things. The idea of this being "it" is a bit depressing. I never imagined myself as being one of those people who "settles down". And I don't ever have to be one of those people.

Prayer, and more prayer is what keeps me afloat. It seems to catalyze little coincidence that alter my path, and bring new experiences. Sometimes it just opens my mind to a new thought, that sets a whole bunch of other new things into motion. Had one of those recently regarding my music (I'm a musician). Felt at a complete dead end, gave some sincere prayer, and a day or 2 later some new and unexpected doors opened up.

Kinda going blank right now cuz I want to get my day moving along... but I have a good feeling you'l find the tools you need to keep moving forward. Plenty of spiritual paths one could venture down. A course in miracles took me on a really interesting ride . There are so many paths though we can go down. I believe we need to just keep doing the things we did when we first got sober. And things will keep on getting better. Hey, there's nothing wrong with doing the steps over again, too. I've been through them countless times.

Wishing you the best.

[edit] Now that I read the rest of the responses, I think Jackie has one of master the keys I also often forget. And soberlicious reminded me of something else I do. Regarding fearlessness. I have a comfort zone, and the longer I'm sober it seems the more solid the wall of that zone become. I need to make a conscious effort to push at them. It gets reall easy after having lots of experiences to say, I'm not doing that, or nahh... that's not for me. It takes a conscious effort to say, "I'm uncomfortable with that (or it scares me), but I'm going to do it anyway. My world continues to widen when I do the latter. And again, prayer gives me the power I need to move those walls. Sometimes just 16th of inch .

fini

But still I have this nagging doubt: Is this all there is? Stupid, huh? But if I don't talk about it I will drink again . . .

dramaron,
that's the one that jumped at me, too. and something you said which sounded like you're worried or even convinced you might drink again if you get to no meetings for a few months.
your posts, to me, seem to be talking about two things: the possible dependence of your sobriety on meetings and going to them or on talking about things, and the 'nagging doubt' about whether "is this all there is".
my own experience is that i've been sober a few years without that depending on going to any meetings. but certainly it's been of great use to me to connect with other alcoholics on-line and f2f.
as to your nagging doubt....see, i think it's wonderful. certainty is the killer, as far as i'm concerned. as long as i have doubt, i'm open. and looking. not stopped, not 'case closed'.
to embrace doubt as a 'growth-tool' is not comfy, but the day i stop having and asking questions i might as well be done with life.

it's good to see you here, engaging with others and the questions

dramaron

Hi Everyone, This has been quite an experience for me, posting on this forum for the first time. Thank you all for taking the time to respond. You are all keeping me sober today! I certainly hope that I haven't caused undue worry for me drinking again. I do things like seeking out this website in order to not drink again. Of course the Promises, if you are into the A.A. Big Book, do present a written guarantee, that if you take A.A. suggestions you will stay sober. I am feeling much better about life, thanks to all of you. I took a walk down to the Marseille boat basin, where there are hundreds of sailboats anchored. Along qui du Port there were many people drinking their espresso coffees and many others walking along the waterfront. It was a gloriously sunny day! Sorry all of you who live in the snow zone. I am enjoying my travels and my retirement! But like others I have my not so good days. "This too will pass," and it has. Best regards to you all. I must go explore other forums.

jdooner

I commented on the other thread that mirror some of these concerns.

I understand attending meetings. I too am in AA and am working the steps. However, I have also dabbled in Rational Recovery and am in active therapy - trifector I guess, lol. Anyhow, I see meetings as a way to constantly keep your disorder/disease (alcoholism) in the front of your mind and works for many. I think its a constant reminder but I also wonder if it serves to ****** recovery in the same way that negative reinforcement might work but also may limit true growth. Fear is a powerful motivator but I do not believe it inspires true growth, just as addiction can motivate but not empower.

Your comment about is this "it" I think has much more to do with enlightenment and awakening than sobriety in my opinion. In this sense, I see the most common programs only offering the beginnings of spiritual enlightenment - most of this journey has to occur on your own, in my opinion.

Marcee

I'm sorry your didn't understand my post. I didn't say to not ask questions. I said don't ask questions for which there is no answer. Instead of asking "is that all there is" ask "how can I fill my life better. What things can I do to achieve this". You see, for this question there is an answer.

sugarbear1

How many people do you sponsor as an avocation?