Cooper123

Me and my girlfriend have been fighting a lot lately. I think it is because we both drink together and I know for me this brings out the worst in me. I need to stop drinking.

Last week we were at a party and I had to much to drink and I wanted to go, she took offence to this thinking I wanted to leave her and it ended in a big fight with her saying our relationship is done.

left, and I tried to talk to her the next day and she said our relationship was borderline abusive and didn't answer the rest of my texts. I was devastated and thought it was over.

My friend took me out to cheer me up and we ended up drinking way too much AGAIN and I ended up at a strip club and got a lap dance, and afterwards at a massage parlour and I stopped the masseuse halfway through.

My girlfriend called me yesterday and we met up and she wants a fresh start this makes me happy and I promised to stop drinking for the foreseeable future. We both promised to make changes.

I am just so guilty about that night and think it may have doomed the relationship. I feel like such a piece of trash. I am so guilty and I keep puking my food up due to anxiety and feel sick constantly. I want to tell her what happened tonight and see if she still wants to be with me. A lot of my friends say not too say anything but I cannot live with this.

Is there anyway I can save this relationship?

I am stopping alcohol it has destroyed my life.

dirk626

Is there a benefit to telling her? It might make you feel better, but she is going to be hurt. You can't undo the past Cooper, but you can decide your future. A fresh start won't happen by dredging up the past. Congratulations on your decision to quit drinking! I wish I could go back and never pick that first drink up!

LonelyShadow

That sounds like a rough time, well done on deciding to stop drinking, that's definatly the right descision.

As for whether to tell her, in my experience it's usually best to just bite the bullet and tell her what happened, otherwise the guilt sort of sits there and festers and it's just kind of toxic to your state of mind an relationship. But having said that, everyone and every relationship is different, maybe take a few days to think about it, weigh up some pro's and cons.

Hope everything works out for you friend, and well done on recognising the damage alcohol has on your relationship

Randummy

I agree with the others; maybe it'd be best if you just told her. Just get it out of your system and out into the universe, then you can deal with the consequences

matt4x4

Nothing about the strip club nor the massage is bad. The drinking is horrific.

Cooper123

Thanks for the support guys. I can see clearly now the damage alcohol has done to me. I just hope it isn't too late to keep the woman I love from leaving.

Anna

Cooper, I think that being honest with your girlfriend is probably the best way to go. It's always best to base a relationship on honesty.

Notmyrealname

Alcohol definitely ruined a bunch of mine! Glad you were able to salvage yours. Don't waste your second chance.

I would not tell her about the trip to the strip club and the massage parlor, unless asked. Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor.

LadyinBC

You need to do what is best for Cooper. Trying to hide a secret that you know you can't live with will end up hurting you in the end. There is nothing worse than hiding something for years and years. I don't think a person can move forward in a positive way if they are holding onto something like this. Guilt does horrible things to us.

And secrets don't stay hidden forever, they always come out at some point. And the information usually comes from someone else.

Personally I think you should tell her, but that is just my opinion.

least

I'm glad you decided to stop drinking. You will live a much better life sober.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Cooper
I think stopping drinking is a great decision for you.

As for telling your gf - I couldn't keep a secret like that but, in the end, it's up to you.

D

KateL

My ex told me the truth about something almost identical and it did hurt but I forgave him because he'd been drunk. He gave it up shortly afterwards through shame and I thought, it wasn't him behaving like that, but the drunken, very different version of him. He took to drink again around eight years later, so in my mind he was the person who did those things again so we broke up. I suppose what I'm trying to say is if you can stay sober, then I'm sure you can keep your relationship together. Good luck xxx