Prayers and healing energy please
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Prayers and healing energy please
The ER episode last week was, of course, a blessing in disguise. The Universe has a way of doing things like that...
They found a pretty large "lesion" on my thyroid. Which frankly, from what I have been researching explains a MYRIAD of physical issues that I have struggled with for years.
Firstly being anxiety and depression and unbearable fatigue. Hypothyroidism may just be the reason that regardless of how many therapists I went to, how many doctors I tried to get to believe me, they all just wanted to label me per the DSM, give me antidepressants or pump me full of benzos.
Or why regardless of how great of care I took of myself vis a vis quitting drinking, eating healthy, exercise, etc. I still could not feel like I had vitality.
Did I want to drink last night ? Yes, right into oblivion.
I didn't. I already feel physically awful enough. I can't imagine what this morning would have felt like if I actually did....****{shudder}}}
Yes. This lumpy old hormone regulator is evidently pretty darn important.
Reaching out to my fellow warriors for prayers and healing energy.
Ultrasound is on Monday which I imagine will be followed by a fine needle aspiration to determine if it's malignant or benign.
Life.
They found a pretty large "lesion" on my thyroid. Which frankly, from what I have been researching explains a MYRIAD of physical issues that I have struggled with for years.
Firstly being anxiety and depression and unbearable fatigue. Hypothyroidism may just be the reason that regardless of how many therapists I went to, how many doctors I tried to get to believe me, they all just wanted to label me per the DSM, give me antidepressants or pump me full of benzos.
Or why regardless of how great of care I took of myself vis a vis quitting drinking, eating healthy, exercise, etc. I still could not feel like I had vitality.
Did I want to drink last night ? Yes, right into oblivion.
I didn't. I already feel physically awful enough. I can't imagine what this morning would have felt like if I actually did....****{shudder}}}
Yes. This lumpy old hormone regulator is evidently pretty darn important.
Reaching out to my fellow warriors for prayers and healing energy.
Ultrasound is on Monday which I imagine will be followed by a fine needle aspiration to determine if it's malignant or benign.
Life.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
You got it, alphaomega. Prayers and strength and healing energy happening 24/7. You've already accomplished so much. This challenge is yet another opportunity for more of the same. Monday is a good day to be yet again on the right side of life. I have every hope you will work your way through this and more. We have our pains and fears, and we have our scars from being victorious. This is not your first rodeo. I'm so rock hard happy you always choose to reach out and do the right thing. YOU ARE AWESOME!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 286
I'm so sorry about all of this and I'm sending you many thoughts and prayers and strength. I've come to learn that the thyroid can be the host of so many problems all over our body but is still not checked like it should be by a lot of doctors. So I'm glad at least that you have a place to work with though I know that is a cold comfort on many levels.
You are a wonderful part of this community. Please let us know how it's all going and know that I'm thinking of you.
Jackie
You are a wonderful part of this community. Please let us know how it's all going and know that I'm thinking of you.
Jackie
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
Sending you positive energy.
Sis-in-law just went thru the same thing & all is good. They were able to regulate w/meds & the tumor was benign & shrinking w/meds. I've got "issues" w/mine as well but apparently synthroid keeps it in check.
When I went thru my issues I did all the research as I'm sure you've done. Turns out thyroid issues are very common & the least scary/most manageable of the...well...you know. That's all well & good until it's happening to YOU, huh?
At any rate, sending you peace & light.
Hugs & love, friend.
Sis-in-law just went thru the same thing & all is good. They were able to regulate w/meds & the tumor was benign & shrinking w/meds. I've got "issues" w/mine as well but apparently synthroid keeps it in check.
When I went thru my issues I did all the research as I'm sure you've done. Turns out thyroid issues are very common & the least scary/most manageable of the...well...you know. That's all well & good until it's happening to YOU, huh?
At any rate, sending you peace & light.
Hugs & love, friend.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 196
My thoughts and blessings are with you. Well done for not drinking. I am sure it was a tough night. Try not to panic, let the doctors do their job on your thyroid, and you control what you can, which is your continued healthy lifestyle.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,470
You're right, Alpha, it is life, but it's really hard sometimes. It really is good that you got an explanation for things that have been bothering you for a long time, but I'm sure it's scary to be going through this. Hugs and prayers coming your way.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Sorry to hear the news, AO. Happy you've worked to get yourself to a better place, a place that allows you to deal more fully with life's inevitable problems. You're doing an admirable job.
I'm disappointed in your psychiatrists and therapists. Rule number one is to recommend a complete physical -- often with accompanying tests -- prior to introducing medication, if only because there are so many medical conditions that can cause or exacerbate anxiety and depression. At least now you know more about what you're up against, and what can be done to make things right.
In my prayers.
I'm disappointed in your psychiatrists and therapists. Rule number one is to recommend a complete physical -- often with accompanying tests -- prior to introducing medication, if only because there are so many medical conditions that can cause or exacerbate anxiety and depression. At least now you know more about what you're up against, and what can be done to make things right.
In my prayers.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
I know someone who went through something similar. Years of misdiagnosis till a doctor (not hers) happened to walk through a waiting room in which she was sitting and diagnosed her by just looking at her. Things turned around dramatically. There's good reason for hope in your case. All the best to you.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC 
Sorry to hear the news, AO. Happy you've worked to get yourself to a better place, a place that allows you to deal more fully with life's inevitable problems. You're doing an admirable job.
I'm disappointed in your psychiatrists and therapists. Rule number one is to recommend a complete physical -- often with accompanying tests -- prior to introducing medication, if only because there are so many medical conditions that can cause or exacerbate anxiety and depression. At least now you know more about what you're up against, and what can be done to make things right.
In my prayers.
I'm disappointed in your psychiatrists and therapists. Rule number one is to recommend a complete physical -- often with accompanying tests -- prior to introducing medication, if only because there are so many medical conditions that can cause or exacerbate anxiety and depression. At least now you know more about what you're up against, and what can be done to make things right.
In my prayers.
I chalked it up to the booze. Which I'm sure exacerbated the exhaustion tenfold.
But being relatively sober (2, one night epsiodes) for the better part of 7 months, I just could not shake this.
So back to therapy for more PTSD work, feeling like I was spinning my wheels, digging back up all the crap from my past thinking I must have still missed comething in the 25 years I have been doing this, blobbity blah blah. Begging anyone who would listen to please help me.
And then I gave up.
I said outloud two weeks ago, "I surrendur. I can't anymore. Ive done every single thing I know how to do to better myself, and I'm getting nowhere. I quit. I'm done. If there is a God, its time you take over, because I am literally at my wits end."
Fast forward a week. In the ER with chest pains. Did a cat scan of my lungs on a whim to rule out blod clots and BAM, a 1.5" "mass" on my thyroid.
Total fluke.
Something, somewhere, heard me.
And craziest part about all of this, I'm not scared. I feel, can you believe it, peace ? Its like FINALLY I can validate the struggle. Finally I make sense. I'm not f=cking crazy.
I was thinking about you today during my pedicure. I hold very dear what you said about grace once.
This is, most assuredly....grace.
XO AO
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