virgo27

I have nowhere to turn. I have been with my boyfriend for four years and love him so much. when he is sober he is sweet, caring and the best boyfriend. He got testicular cancer two years ago and had to have surgery and chemo. the doctors prescribed him a lot of pain killers. he is in remission but ever since he has had an opitate problem. It started with vicodins then percosets then oxycotin. went from every weekend to every day. When he is on it he is heartless, cold, mean, argumentative and unfaithful. He dosent care if im hurting until he is sober again. He gets sober for a couple weeks at the most cause he realizes how much I am hurting finally. For those couple of weeks I am so happy but so nervous because I know it wont last and this sweet boyfriend will turn into this completely different man and I sink back into my depression. I do not want to leave him I love this man and I hate to see him do this to himself. I worry about his health and overdosing. I want him to get better MORE THAN ANYTHING. all I can do is pray.

rove27

Sorry you are going through this, it must be very painful for you. Unfortunately your boyfriend has to want to change. You can only change your own behavior not his. Take care of yourself and nurture yourself. An addict will only get better when they want to get better.

virgo27

it is extremely painful. its just hard going from when he is sober and I am so happy all the time to when he relapses and I get so depressed and lost and I have a whole different person I am living with.....he is not himself at all....I hate wondering which side of him is going to come home...

Dee74

Hi virgo - welcome to SR

I'm sorry for your situation - it sounds rough. As someone else said tho, your BF really needs to want to stop and stayed stopped for anything to change.

you'll find a lot of support here but have you considered something like NarAnon meetings as well - you'll find a lot of face to face support there D

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virgo27

I did not realize na meeting could be for people like me as well. I do need people to reach out to I talk to no one about this. it is a huge secret that is tearing me a part. I am to ashamed that I stay. I don't understand it because I have never had a drug problem.

Dee74

NA is for addicts - NarAnon is a similar 12 step group but for the families and loved ones of addicts

Nar-Anon.org

there are non 12 step groups that provide support too, like SMART

Family & Friends - An Alternative to Al-Anon and Intervention

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KateL

It is so sad that he has ended up like this and really, it's through no fault of his own. But it is what it is and there is no point in you being unhappy. Perhaps you can try to set some boundaries and if that doesn't work, maybe re evaluate your relationship. You don't deserve this and he has to want to get better. Hugs xxxxxx

Jessika78

I'm truly sorry for what brings you here. You might want to check out the friends and family section of the forums if you haven't already. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to make him quit. He has to want to get well more than he wants to use. You can help by not enabling him. Set some boundaries and stick to them. Life with an addict is crazy and often devastating. I would suggest getting some help for yourself. Maybe attend some Naranon meetings. You need to focus on yourself right now, although I know it's easier said than done. Keep posting, read around on the forums; we're here for you! Much love.

Dee74

I merged an identical thread from our substance abuse forum

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Mags1

Hi Virgo, I haven't had any experience in what you're going through but I do know there are people here on SR that are experiencing similar to you who can maybe help and Dee has put some useful links for you.

I was a drinker, alcoholic, and when I fed my addiction, I don't think I cared about anything else. Sober , yes I was a different person. Our addiction changes our personalities, or it did for me.

Please stick with us, don't keep it inside, you will only feel worse. Keep visiting us, it really does help. xx