Looking for perspective
Old and in the Way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: High and Dry
Posts: 789
Looking for perspective
Hi folks. I’m guessing this isn’t the first time someone has opened with line. I’m not sure I’m in the right place, but I thought I’d stop in for a little reality check.
Hard to know where exactly to start, so I’ll just start. I’m worried about how much I drink. I’ve never had a DWI or alcohol-related accident, and haven’t missed an obligation because of alcohol since I graduated college 13 years ago. That’s not to say I haven’t deserved it a few times – though probably not within the last four years or so. I haven’t used drugs since college. Admittedly, I smoked more than my share of pot and dabbled in other drugs while in school – but haven’t touched it since. My parents probably drink too much, but I’ve rarely seen them appear drunk. But then, I very rarely see them without a glass of wine after 5 p.m.. My wife’s mom was an alcoholic, as is her holder sister, although my wife doesn’t drink at all. So, that’s my background. Maybe it’s relevant, or maybe not.
My real problem is once I get started I don’t want to stop. I average about a bottle of wine a night, give or take a glass. What should probably worry me most is that, since my wife called me out on the amount I’ve been drinking a few months ago, I’ve started taking steps to hide it, or at least minimize the amount she knows about – for instance sneaking drinks while she’s out of the room, etc. I usually drink alone, and drink less rather than more in a social situation for fear of making a fool out of myself.
I don’t feel like alcohol has taken control of my life, but it’s got a pretty tight grip on my evenings. But then I’ve read that alcoholics are typically the last to realize how bad things have become. On the other hand, I feel very humble when I read about the severe situations that others on this board are struggling against. Guess I’m hoping for a little perspective.
Thanks
Hard to know where exactly to start, so I’ll just start. I’m worried about how much I drink. I’ve never had a DWI or alcohol-related accident, and haven’t missed an obligation because of alcohol since I graduated college 13 years ago. That’s not to say I haven’t deserved it a few times – though probably not within the last four years or so. I haven’t used drugs since college. Admittedly, I smoked more than my share of pot and dabbled in other drugs while in school – but haven’t touched it since. My parents probably drink too much, but I’ve rarely seen them appear drunk. But then, I very rarely see them without a glass of wine after 5 p.m.. My wife’s mom was an alcoholic, as is her holder sister, although my wife doesn’t drink at all. So, that’s my background. Maybe it’s relevant, or maybe not.
My real problem is once I get started I don’t want to stop. I average about a bottle of wine a night, give or take a glass. What should probably worry me most is that, since my wife called me out on the amount I’ve been drinking a few months ago, I’ve started taking steps to hide it, or at least minimize the amount she knows about – for instance sneaking drinks while she’s out of the room, etc. I usually drink alone, and drink less rather than more in a social situation for fear of making a fool out of myself.
I don’t feel like alcohol has taken control of my life, but it’s got a pretty tight grip on my evenings. But then I’ve read that alcoholics are typically the last to realize how bad things have become. On the other hand, I feel very humble when I read about the severe situations that others on this board are struggling against. Guess I’m hoping for a little perspective.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by Brookie
My real problem is once I get started I don’t want to stop. I average about a bottle of wine a night, give or take a glass. What should probably worry me most is that, since my wife called me out on the amount I’ve been drinking a few months ago, I’ve started taking steps to hide it, or at least minimize the amount she knows about – for instance sneaking drinks while she’s out of the room, etc. I usually drink alone, and drink less rather than more in a social situation for fear of making a fool out of myself.
I don’t feel like alcohol has taken control of my life, snip.
Thanks
Perspective. People who don't have an alcohol problem do not hide to drink. People who do not have an alcohol problem stop when they feel they've had enough. People who drink alone... Well, by the time I drank alone, it was because everyone around me couldn't stand being around me when I was drinking. Sound familiar?
Welcome to SoberRecovery Brookie. We're a community of people supporting eachother in our efforts to overcome addiction. There is definitely a place here for you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,470
Hi Brookie,
Welcome! The easiest way for you to decide if you're an alcoholic is simply to stop drinking for a fixed period, say three months, and see what happens. You'll have your answer.
I'm glad you found us and are concerned about the issues you have with alcohol and it's good to read other people's posts because you can learn a lot. Hope you keep hanging around.
Anna
Welcome! The easiest way for you to decide if you're an alcoholic is simply to stop drinking for a fixed period, say three months, and see what happens. You'll have your answer.
I'm glad you found us and are concerned about the issues you have with alcohol and it's good to read other people's posts because you can learn a lot. Hope you keep hanging around.
Anna
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
((((((Brookie)))))),
Welcome to sober recovery.
It sounds like you do have something to be concerned about in that you are hiding the amout that you drink and that you are afraid to drink too much around others for fear you will act a fool.
Have you tried not drinking? Just to see if you can go a week or a month without it? I would like to challenge you to go a week without drinking and then see how you feel about your drinking.
Let me know what you think!!!
Welcome to sober recovery.
It sounds like you do have something to be concerned about in that you are hiding the amout that you drink and that you are afraid to drink too much around others for fear you will act a fool.
Have you tried not drinking? Just to see if you can go a week or a month without it? I would like to challenge you to go a week without drinking and then see how you feel about your drinking.
Let me know what you think!!!
Old and in the Way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: High and Dry
Posts: 789
Thanks for the responses.
Splendra - Yes. I've tried not drinking. Stopped for a few months after I got married, but that was more than a decade ago, so it probably doesn't count. I've stopped for a few days more recently. After a couple of days, I feel better about myself and start right back in.
It's like holding my breath. I might surprise myself with how long I could do it, but it's hard to imagine living without it. I guess I already know that I don't believe I could just stop any time.
Splendra - Yes. I've tried not drinking. Stopped for a few months after I got married, but that was more than a decade ago, so it probably doesn't count. I've stopped for a few days more recently. After a couple of days, I feel better about myself and start right back in.
It's like holding my breath. I might surprise myself with how long I could do it, but it's hard to imagine living without it. I guess I already know that I don't believe I could just stop any time.
NOT EVEN 1 CLUB!!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: When I find myself, I'll let you know!
Posts: 1,835
Hugs Brookie!! Welcome to SR!! You ever heard the saying: One day at a time. We don't drink just for today, because to think about never drinking again is too overwhelming for us. Tomorrow, we wake up sober and without a hang over, then we don't drink. Hope you find what you are looking for here!!
Missy
Missy
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: east coast
Posts: 2,440
Originally Posted by Little Missy
You ever heard the saying: One day at a time. We don't drink just for today, because to think about never drinking again is too overwhelming for us. Tomorrow, we wake up sober and without a hang over, then we don't drink.
Missy
Missy
Welcome to SR. What a wonderful place you've found.
Sherry
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Never, Never land
Posts: 2,851
Brookie,
Welcome to SR. I am a firm believer that non-alcholics and non-addicts don't find their way to recovery by accident. Normal people just don't google search those things. If it is on your mind, it's probably there for a reason.
Laurie D
Welcome to SR. I am a firm believer that non-alcholics and non-addicts don't find their way to recovery by accident. Normal people just don't google search those things. If it is on your mind, it's probably there for a reason.
Laurie D
Old and in the Way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: High and Dry
Posts: 789
Originally Posted by splendra
((((((Brookie)))))),
Welcome to sober recovery.
It sounds like you do have something to be concerned about in that you are hiding the amout that you drink and that you are afraid to drink too much around others for fear you will act a fool.
Have you tried not drinking? Just to see if you can go a week or a month without it? I would like to challenge you to go a week without drinking and then see how you feel about your drinking.
Let me know what you think!!!
Welcome to sober recovery.
It sounds like you do have something to be concerned about in that you are hiding the amout that you drink and that you are afraid to drink too much around others for fear you will act a fool.
Have you tried not drinking? Just to see if you can go a week or a month without it? I would like to challenge you to go a week without drinking and then see how you feel about your drinking.
Let me know what you think!!!
Rest In Peace
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
Brookie.
Glad to see you here! And Im glad you took Splendra's challenge.
Just a side note. Alcoholism is a progressive thing. It doent slow down or taper off. It just gets more and more extreme. There are pleanty of people
who can confirm this. If you dont stop now,later on down the road it will get worse to the point where you will have no doubt in your mind at all if it's a problem. You really dont want to get to that point. It's pretty miserable.
It's great to see that you are taking the intiative now to address the problem.
Good luck to you
CRS
Glad to see you here! And Im glad you took Splendra's challenge.
Just a side note. Alcoholism is a progressive thing. It doent slow down or taper off. It just gets more and more extreme. There are pleanty of people
who can confirm this. If you dont stop now,later on down the road it will get worse to the point where you will have no doubt in your mind at all if it's a problem. You really dont want to get to that point. It's pretty miserable.
It's great to see that you are taking the intiative now to address the problem.
Good luck to you
CRS
Old and in the Way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: High and Dry
Posts: 789
Thanks CRS. My first reaction on reading many of the posts here last week was, "hey, I'm not anything like those people." Then I drank so much Thursday night that it took me most of the day to put the pieces of the evening back together in my mind - which is pretty bad when all I did was put the kids to bed and drink on the sofa until I passed out, like almost every other night in recent memory. Didn't feel too good yesterday, but nothing like the serious medical problems I've been reading about here.
I read about half of a book yesterday called "The Addictive Mind" yesterday, and recognized a lot of myself in there and could see where I am on the path it describes. I think it's time for a change.
I read about half of a book yesterday called "The Addictive Mind" yesterday, and recognized a lot of myself in there and could see where I am on the path it describes. I think it's time for a change.
Rest In Peace
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
Originally Posted by Brookie
Didn't feel too good yesterday, but nothing like the serious medical problems I've been reading about here.
Originally Posted by Brookie
"hey, I'm not anything like those people." Then I drank so much Thursday night that it took me most of the day to put the pieces of the evening back together in my mind - which is pretty bad when all I did was put the kids to bed and drink on the sofa until I passed out, like almost every other night in recent memory.
Brookie,
Your mind is taking you in the right direction. That takes alot of courage.
Keep searching your mind and I know you'll come to the right conclusion.
It can only start with one day. Thats all it take to get rolling.
No matter what you decide though,stay here at SR. I'ts been quite
a learning experience for me and I know it will be for you as well.
Good luck
CRS
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Glendale AZ
Posts: 1
Sounds like me
Brookie- I am too averaging a bottle of wine a night, sometimes two on the nights when I didn't have to get up in the morning. Everytime I woke up feeling like crap I promised myself I wouldn't drink anymore, and that would last for about two days until my hangover was gone and then I would go out and get another bottle. This time I am making a concious decision to stop forever by admitting to my doctor and my husband that I am having a problem.
When I'm drunk, I don't feel I have a problem. I say to myself "oh I'm not drinking that much". It's when I wakeup I realize the stupid thing I might have said or done- even if it was by myself because I am a solitary drinker like you. I can assure you that your story sounds very similar to mine, and right now I am craving a drink so bad that it makes me wonder what they put in that wine to make it so ADDICTIVE. And that is what I am- addicted to it and that, for me, is not the normal way I want to live my life.
A realization that made it easier for me was.. go to a party and stay sober. For a solitary drinker that might be easy, as you said you don't want to make a fool out of yourself ( I NEVER drank at a party) I watched my husband and brother get trashed last weekend and realized how stupid they sounded and looked, and knew that I always acted 100 times worse. That's what kick started my drive. Good luck.
(Not having a drink for two days has made me want to rant! ) :veryhappy:
When I'm drunk, I don't feel I have a problem. I say to myself "oh I'm not drinking that much". It's when I wakeup I realize the stupid thing I might have said or done- even if it was by myself because I am a solitary drinker like you. I can assure you that your story sounds very similar to mine, and right now I am craving a drink so bad that it makes me wonder what they put in that wine to make it so ADDICTIVE. And that is what I am- addicted to it and that, for me, is not the normal way I want to live my life.
A realization that made it easier for me was.. go to a party and stay sober. For a solitary drinker that might be easy, as you said you don't want to make a fool out of yourself ( I NEVER drank at a party) I watched my husband and brother get trashed last weekend and realized how stupid they sounded and looked, and knew that I always acted 100 times worse. That's what kick started my drive. Good luck.
(Not having a drink for two days has made me want to rant! ) :veryhappy:
Old and in the Way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: High and Dry
Posts: 789
Thanks to all for the support. I've been sitting here all afternoon (working on a Saturday at the office) trying to convince myself I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and it's fine if I have just a glass or two of wine or a beer or two after my wife and I go to a movie. Then I took a bunch of online tests - MAST, CAGE, Johns Hopkins' screening test - all of which say I'm an alcoholic or have a drinking problem and should go straight to a therapist or an AA meeting. I don't think I'm ready to take those steps, but at least I think I'll go another day outside of the bottle.
Bobogem - You sound a lot like me. I tend to feel terrible in the morning, but by the time happy hour rolls around I convince myself its all in my head. Can't even guess how often I go an entire day wondering if my wife is pissed at me because of something I said but don't remember.
God bless, and thanks again for the support.
Bobogem - You sound a lot like me. I tend to feel terrible in the morning, but by the time happy hour rolls around I convince myself its all in my head. Can't even guess how often I go an entire day wondering if my wife is pissed at me because of something I said but don't remember.
God bless, and thanks again for the support.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 689
Hi Brookie, I'm Marty, alcoholic. Glad to have you here. Dans post way up there was what I wanted to re-emphasize. Sneaking drinks, not wanting to stop, having your wife call you on your drinking. Those are problem drinking traits. My drinking early on sounded much like yours. I though it was hamless. So I made no effort to quit, and it eventually led to the DUI, missing work etc.. :dead:
Best of luck to you.
Best of luck to you.
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