keithy

Hi,
Just passed the one year mark on the 12th. Lately it has been really hard to stay sober. I am not sure why. I have been going to meetings, but have not really been getting into them. I celebrated another fellows 1 year yesterday. I worry that I may not have hit bottom yet? When I was drinking it was like a 6-12 pack a day. I am not going to say I enjoyed my drinking career, but I am only 24 and feel a little odd when I can't go out with people. I am not sure what point I am trying to get across, just needed to type something up.

Thanks

Dee74

Hi Keithy

I think those times when you're not sure why you're sober are the times you really need to put in the effort into your recovery.

I speak from experience.

How do you think you can put the brakes on?

Do you have a sponsor?

Do you have sober friends?

what are you doing for, & how much effort are you putting into, having a happy, yet sober life?

D

keithy

I did have a sponsor. He moved. I work night shift and makes it hard for me to get to the meetings I want to, plus I feel like I am always tired. I do have sober friends. I really don't know what to do to have a happy life. I have tried making lists but they always remain blank.

Dee74

I hope you can find a way to get a little more balance in your life Keith. I used to work nightshift myself - it can be very draining.

If you think you're vulnerable, I think you'll need to make some time for your recovery, and some time to work out what you want from life, so you can work towards happiness .

make use of the support here too

D

Itchy

Sounds like you want someone to say its OK or that it is the worst thing that can happen. Your reality is that you want to drink again but know better now. Sorry, I quit three years ago and know you aren't through healing and getting better even at one year. In fact my second year proved more settling than the first in subtle ways. Drinking is no adventure or being one of the beer buddies. We know about hangovers, blackouts, and waking up sick then terror creeps in as we wonder what we texted, posted, said or did while drunk. I don't ever want to go back there. No amount of craving and deluding myself changes why I quit to begin with. That I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Relapses usually get much worse than before you quit. But still a door that may take you where it is too late by the time you realize you are in trouble again. I can't speak for you, but can tell you why I will never post about going back out. See my wife still drinks and smokes, her carton of smokes and half gallon of scotch is a few feet away, and has been there from the day I got home from inpatient detox. She asked if she should get rid of her bottle and start smoking outside. See, I had quit smoking three packs a day in detox. I told her that I was quitting for me, not for show. If I want to drink having it five feet or five miles away at the store is irrelevant if I quit for good. My biggest reason to never relapse is I darn sure don't ever want to go through that first six months of PAWS ever again. That simply was a hot mess.

Good luck on staying sober if that's what you want. But from just me, I won't give any aid and abet relapsing. Hope you get it together my friend.

1newcreation

It's good attending mtgs however what step are we working on now? Just going is about 25% of the program IMH,Other 25 is service & 50 is doing the steps
Don't throw away a whole yr just coz how you feel. Pickin up again will cut me off from the sunlight in the rooms. I know that this program is an ego deflator for me so I'll continue doing what I need to do to stay sober no matter how humbling it shows me

GracieLou

Whenever I an tired or just plain lazy I have to ask myself this "would I have enough in me to go and get booze?". The answer so far has always been as resounding "yes".

With that honesty, I get myself to a meeting and I remain active.

KateL

Keep at it Keithy, or when you get to your forties you will so regret it. I know I do. I wish I had got sober when I was in my twenties xxxx

FreeOwl

double up on your efforts in sobriety for a while.... are you working steps actively? Your sponsor moved, you're not feeling "into" meetings.... what are you doing beyond making lists to continue deepening your LIFE in sober ways?

A year is a milestone marker for relapse from what I have heard, read and witnessed.

I think it's 'normal' for you to feel these things and it's really good you took the step to share. I also think it's a sign that you are perhaps heading just a little closer to relapse unless you take action.

Congratulations on a year, that's awesome!!

at 24, you are BLESSED to have a year of sobriety and to have discovered that you do not have to ruin your life with booze. How I wish I'd figured it out at 24 before I threw away a lot of great things, cost myself tens if not hundreds of thousands of dollars and immeasurable misery for years.....

Hang in there.

doggonecarl

The key to your happiness is in the hands of one person...you!

And I'll echo what the others have been saying. You get out of recovery what you put in it. Can't make a meeting because of your shift work? Well, SR is 24hrs a day. Pop on here more often and post. Engage. That's the secret to recovery and happiness...engagement.

GreenEggsAndHam

Not sure if this will help, but try watching it...discusses young people and drinking:
Alcohol Will Kill You Full Documentary UNDISPUTED TRUTH - YouTube

Climber122

Oddly, I also can get a little shaky when my sobriety date comes around. I don't know if it's self-fulfilling prophecy, but I was warned by my sponsor to look out for feeling a little unsettled around my anniversary. I've talked to other alcoholics who also experience this.

To echo what others have said, the key to getting out of your own head is engaging with others. If you can't hit a meeting, look for someone you can help out - friends or family. Or seek out some volunteer work this weekend - the internet is loaded with calls for help. Or pick a task you have been putting off for a while and dive in.

If you are spiritually inclined, ask for some help to accept that you feel a little off right now. We don't always feel great, but because we no longer regulate how we feel by applying booze to our brains, we accept that it's human to not always feel great and we keep on keeping on. "Happiness" is fleeting - course we love being happy but what we're shooting for is "serenity" - middle of the road - balance. Happiness, sadness - the extremes come and go, but serenity is a pretty good place to be. You can have a great day today - hang in there!

keithy

I ended up doing some chores around the apartment and waking up a grumpy roommate. But it ended up being as ok as that kind of thing can be. Then I was called into work which really pissed me off because I was hoping to go to a poetry open mic at a coffee shop that I frequent. Today though, I can say I am glad I didn't pick up last night and I appreciate all of the support. I am trying to be of service to others. I agree that I need to find a new sponsor and get off my ass. Tonight at work, I am going to work on my happiness list a little.

Thanks again

Goldcoastgirl

I know it must be hard for you Keith, especially being so young. I am 51 and still feel like I am "missing out on something" and get pissed off with myself that I can't just have one or two, but the fact is I have proved it to myself so many times that I can't. We may think we're missing out on something especially when you see your friends being able to drink, but it is just a thing, an object, whatever you want to label it - my husband says "I don't need a drink to have fun and enjoy myself" - it makes me mad when he says that, but only because I am jealous that I feel I do.

Wow, a year - I only wish I was in your shoes now. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are doing great.

least

I'm glad you got thru your day sober. I love reading posts like yours. Makes my day.

instant

Glad you got through it.

I think getting to one year becomes a big thing as it goes from impossible to probable, then it really is achievable. But what next? I felt a bit of a hole, a lack of direction, there was nothing left to count.

In retrospect one year is the end of the beginning.

I think you have to keep working it to keep it fresh

Good luck