hello
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: palm harbor Florida
Posts: 30
hello
don't know if this will work but here it goes again.i am 28. i have been drinking since i was 14 smokeing pot since 16 introduced to crack at 20 used crank, meth. and pretty much everything. been in trouble with the law for the last 9 yrs never had a clean drug test. i stopped using drugs march 22 2004 when i turned myself in this last time and i am on house arrest with a drug test coming up on friday and i know i will be clean for the first time from any drugs but i still drink on a daily basis from the time i wake up.they have forced me to go to drug classes in the past and it never did any good because i did not ever want to stop nor did i think i had a problem.well i looked at myself one day when i was all "on" and decided that i was done hated what i saw and i was tired of running so i took all my stuff and flushed it and don't want to go back there again but i am not sure what will happen. i am so stressed out now because i see myself and feel fat from being so thin for so long and i keep thinking maybe just a little, just to lose the weight so i drink more and more. i have lost three kids because of my heavy drug use and just lack of caring about anything and anyone.i saw t his site and i just figured out i am an addict and need help. i don't have anyone to talk to about it and i have not said anything about how i feel to my family because they don't understand the drive. i feel completely alone and empty and don't even know if anyone will read this but it just feels so good to get it out. i just don't know what to do or where to go and i am scared that because i am so stressed i will do something stupid. i am just confused, alone, and scared. erika
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi Erika,
Welcome to SR. You've come to a great place for support and understanding. I'm Anna, alcoholic and I understand how alone and scared you feel. Congratulations on stopping drugs, that's great! You can stop drinking too and we'll be here to support you. This is a safe place to hang around and I'm usually inspired by the posts I read. I hope you'll hang around and get to know us. You might also check out the Substance Abuse forum on this board if you like.
Love, Anna
Welcome to SR. You've come to a great place for support and understanding. I'm Anna, alcoholic and I understand how alone and scared you feel. Congratulations on stopping drugs, that's great! You can stop drinking too and we'll be here to support you. This is a safe place to hang around and I'm usually inspired by the posts I read. I hope you'll hang around and get to know us. You might also check out the Substance Abuse forum on this board if you like.
Love, Anna
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: palm harbor Florida
Posts: 30
thank you so much Anna i can't believe someone listened. i will go and check it out thanks again. ya know the scariest part about what i think of most is that i got so use to over-dosing that i "figured out" all i had to do was drink a glass of sugar water and it would bring me back around. how messed up is that?! But now that i think more clearly God brought me back around and saved my life time after time. i g uess i just have a lot more hurt inside than i realized. i am so thankful that i found this site and can read that there are other people that have gone through the same things. Love, Erika
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Never, Never land
Posts: 2,851
Erika,
Welcome to SR. Your story sounds a little like mine. I lost 3 kids to active addiction too, but after I had 1 year clean, I got them all back. Have you tried going to 12 step meetings yet?. If you are on house arrest, you can get permission to go to them.
Laurie D
Welcome to SR. Your story sounds a little like mine. I lost 3 kids to active addiction too, but after I had 1 year clean, I got them all back. Have you tried going to 12 step meetings yet?. If you are on house arrest, you can get permission to go to them.
Laurie D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: palm harbor Florida
Posts: 30
Thanks you guys. No ma'am i have not gone to any groups. kinda scared. it took a lot just to start writing here. I just don't have a support system. untill now that is. Thanks
Wow man thanks i really needed that hug. I hug you back...... Erika
Wow man thanks i really needed that hug. I hug you back...... Erika
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: east coast
Posts: 2,440
Welocme to SR Erika,
This is a great place to come when you need hope, support, to vent or to ask for help. I come here daily to read the posts, and I also attend NA meetings. My drug use was very similar to what you described. I can identify with going on the "stemfast" diet, only to caught up in my addiction. Keep posting here, there is alot of help on these boards. And as far as being scared to go to a support group, it's ok. I was, too. Once I went, though, I found people who were just like me that found a way to live without drugs and alcohol, and were willing to help teach me how to do the same, ONE DAY AT A TIME! Here's another hug for you
I know how important they are.
love,
Sherry
This is a great place to come when you need hope, support, to vent or to ask for help. I come here daily to read the posts, and I also attend NA meetings. My drug use was very similar to what you described. I can identify with going on the "stemfast" diet, only to caught up in my addiction. Keep posting here, there is alot of help on these boards. And as far as being scared to go to a support group, it's ok. I was, too. Once I went, though, I found people who were just like me that found a way to live without drugs and alcohol, and were willing to help teach me how to do the same, ONE DAY AT A TIME! Here's another hug for you
I know how important they are. love,
Sherry
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: left of center
Posts: 68
Hi Erika!
I am Amanda and I am an addict too... I am so glad you chose to reach out! Your story, of course, (being that we are both addicts and all..) mirrors mine in many ways... The PROGRESSION... the pain...
Well, you are NOT alone anymore. And you're in Florida? Well, I was just down in Florida for a week at the end of May and beginning of June to see my dad, and guess what? There is a VERY powerful fellowship in Florida of Narcotics Anonymous. I went to a meeting down there to get some support while I was experiencing the difficult pain of being with my father... a person central to the CORE of the beginnings of my addiction... and I didn't know a soul down there, but I felt loved the minute I walked in that room and raised my hand and said, "Hi, I am Amanda and I am an addict." - I shared a little about my pain and what I was struggling with and I got support. You can go online to the NA world website and there are regional links to get you to FLorida and then to your area in FLorida where you can find a local helpline number and/or a meeting list for times and locations... the website is www.na.org - I really hope you check it out!
Congratulations on finally feeling sick enough of it all to muster up the desire to stop using. I too had to struggle with the weight gain of no longer using my final drug of choice... it was a "hard pill to swallow" for me, as when I was actively using, it was the first time in my life I had ever felt SKINNY... something I had always wanted to be. I was never fat, just have CURVES... and mys sister was always the SKINNY one... so when I went to my depths, I remember for the longest time thinking how GOOD I looked! Man when I look at old pictures today, I can see (with my own eyes and the eyes of others) how unhealthy I was.
Today I am finding balance and I have my own place with my own furniture, have my own job that pays my own bills, I go to meetings where I have developed a second family... I have a sponsor who has done the twelve steps in her life and continues to work them with her own sponsor, I work the steps of Narcotics Anonymous with commitment - much the way I was committed to getting my drugs, I am committed to my recovery. Going to any lengths. The rewards are too numerous to list here. It is a HUGE blessing to be clean.
I hope you keep on posting and you find the desire and the willingness to get a little more uncomfortable and try out meetings. They are so helpful... and that hug that you got online here from Thunder... well, there are lots more where that came from... and at a meeting you really get to GET the hug!
more hugs, much love. amanda
I am Amanda and I am an addict too... I am so glad you chose to reach out! Your story, of course, (being that we are both addicts and all..) mirrors mine in many ways... The PROGRESSION... the pain...
Well, you are NOT alone anymore. And you're in Florida? Well, I was just down in Florida for a week at the end of May and beginning of June to see my dad, and guess what? There is a VERY powerful fellowship in Florida of Narcotics Anonymous. I went to a meeting down there to get some support while I was experiencing the difficult pain of being with my father... a person central to the CORE of the beginnings of my addiction... and I didn't know a soul down there, but I felt loved the minute I walked in that room and raised my hand and said, "Hi, I am Amanda and I am an addict." - I shared a little about my pain and what I was struggling with and I got support. You can go online to the NA world website and there are regional links to get you to FLorida and then to your area in FLorida where you can find a local helpline number and/or a meeting list for times and locations... the website is www.na.org - I really hope you check it out!
Congratulations on finally feeling sick enough of it all to muster up the desire to stop using. I too had to struggle with the weight gain of no longer using my final drug of choice... it was a "hard pill to swallow" for me, as when I was actively using, it was the first time in my life I had ever felt SKINNY... something I had always wanted to be. I was never fat, just have CURVES... and mys sister was always the SKINNY one... so when I went to my depths, I remember for the longest time thinking how GOOD I looked! Man when I look at old pictures today, I can see (with my own eyes and the eyes of others) how unhealthy I was.
Today I am finding balance and I have my own place with my own furniture, have my own job that pays my own bills, I go to meetings where I have developed a second family... I have a sponsor who has done the twelve steps in her life and continues to work them with her own sponsor, I work the steps of Narcotics Anonymous with commitment - much the way I was committed to getting my drugs, I am committed to my recovery. Going to any lengths. The rewards are too numerous to list here. It is a HUGE blessing to be clean.
I hope you keep on posting and you find the desire and the willingness to get a little more uncomfortable and try out meetings. They are so helpful... and that hug that you got online here from Thunder... well, there are lots more where that came from... and at a meeting you really get to GET the hug!
more hugs, much love. amanda
Community Greeter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,930
Salut Erika,
I am Indigo alcoholic/user, glad you've found us we can help, you could'nt want to meet a finer bunch of guys than here. I look forward to getting to know you. CONGRATULATIONS on your clean time....we can work on the drink too!!
love indigo
I am Indigo alcoholic/user, glad you've found us we can help, you could'nt want to meet a finer bunch of guys than here. I look forward to getting to know you. CONGRATULATIONS on your clean time....we can work on the drink too!!
love indigo
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Charlottesville, Va
Posts: 632
Im Moontime and I'm an Addict! Welcome to SR!! Recovery for me is doing something different. To not follow the same behavior/thinking/attitudes that I had before. About changing, and change is very hard for us. But, NA saved my life, and their isn't a treamtent center, psychologist, or anything that can do what we in NA can do. We resurrect people from the dead! www.na.org click on regional links, click on Florida there is a better way of life, an NA way of life.
New and Unsure
Join Date: May 2004
Location: phoenix az
Posts: 191
Kitten, I know meetings are a scary thought. But think how nice it would be to have a place that you can go where everyone can relate to you when it comes to addiction. A place were people will listen and support you in your addiction. That is what you can get out of an NA meeting. At least check it out.
Do your self one favor. Take it one day at a time and chose to be clean today. Leave the past in the past and the future in the future just deal with what is here this very second.
Do your self one favor. Take it one day at a time and chose to be clean today. Leave the past in the past and the future in the future just deal with what is here this very second.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: palm harbor Florida
Posts: 30
Thanks ya'll. you guys really are wonderful here as of course you already know but i am quickly finding out. ya'll are the most understandingest buncha people i've ver met and it makes me so happy to feel like i have a support system behing me pushing me forward not dragging me down. i am so happry to hear that eventually i WILL get over feeling like i am fat. just because i eat everyday doesn't meen i have made myself fat, just healthy. maybe if i say it enough i will start to believe it. but what ever the case i am gonna do just that and just take it one day at a time. i will go and check out the site and hopefully work my way up to a meeting but for right now i am getting comfortable being able to talk to ya'll here. noone can see me crying over the computer and in person they will.
Thanks again everybody for your helpfull words of encouragement. HUGS BACK TO ALL YA'LL. Erika
Thanks again everybody for your helpfull words of encouragement. HUGS BACK TO ALL YA'LL. Erika
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