rove27

This is one of my most dreaded subjects! I have avoided my drinking friends, bars and liquor stores since I quit drinking. As the weather warms, I know we will be invited to barbecues, beach events and social gatherings. I am afraid that I will cave. I am happily sober, and think of a drink now and then, but I do not want to ruin my progress. I worked so hard to get here and dont want to blow it. At the same time I also dont want to be a hermet!

Wondering how others have dealt with these type of situations?

matt4x4

We do not hide from booze, if we do we still have an alcoholic mind.
At first when I just started out, I did lots of meetings, got a sponsor, got AA friends, read the big book, worked the steps with a sponsor. Once I worked all 12 steps in order, I could handle being around booze, no problem at all. But at first I couldnt even look at a liquor store or bar, I had to avoid them all and not even look at them or pass by them.

least

Pay attention to your signature. You don't want to get back on that crazy train. Do whatever you have to do to stay sober. Just do it.

resolute50

True story,
The first time I quit for 14 months I just dropped out.
I told a few people that I had quit frequented the club.
Then one day I just dropped in to say hello(when I was sure I could do it).

They asked where I was and one smart guy said "when did you get out of jail?"
I just answered and said"what time is it?" and looked at my watch.

The moral, most people(drinking buddies) when they find out you have quit don't really care as long as it don't effect their drinking.
Just keep in mind "Misery truly does love company".

ErikT

First...you have to really analyze those friendships. Are they REALLY your friends? Or were they just drinking buddies? If they were drinking buddies...you don't need them in your life. Since you've been sober have they still contacted you just as often...and if so...have you told them you are an alcoholic?

ErikT

Ive been sober for over ten years....and If I were to hang with those I used drink with....I think Id still have an issue.....that's why I choose not to. And its funny that doesn't seem to bother them. I don't hear from them anymore....go figure. They were just that..."drinking buddies"...nothing more.

MyTime86

I'm in the same boat rove, I'm 32 days sober today an I'm enjoying it. But as you said nice weather is around the corner going to be temptation every where. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it yet. I'm sure the first few times were at a picnic are going to be uncomfortable and probably not so much fun. But we got to stick to this cuz we know its best for us. We will find our self again. Then will be able to have fun without the booze an hangovers

doggonecarl

First off, congrats on you sober time. What is it? A month. Good to be concerned about being around drinking, but you are fretting about something that is months away.

Work on your recovery. Build a solid foundation of sobriety. By the time your summer BBQs come around, you'll be ready for them.

And if you aren't, you aren't.

In the meantime, find sober friends and sober activities. You don't have to be a hermit to stay away from alcohol.

rove27

Thank you everyone for the replies! I cannot change the fact that others drink, because they know when to stop, I have no brakes! I really need to strengthen my mind to the point were alcohol wont tempt me in social situations.

ScottFromWI

I look at it this way - I have friends who drink, and then I have friends that are really just drinking buddies. I still attend events and do things with my friends who also drink occasionally, because the focus of our friendships and the things we do is not on drinking. We are usually doing things that involve our kids where alcohol is not around anyway, or when alcohol is around it's not the focus of the event. I have no problem being around alcohol in those types of situations. Then there's my drinking buddies - the sole purpose of our meetings was to drink. If you removed alcohol from the equation, there was no relationship. I do not hang out with those people at all anymore, or the few that I do I only see due to work or at events where there is no alcohol.

ErikT

I look back at my "drinking buddy" relationships.....and for twenty years....there isn't even ONE time I hung out with them where drinking wasn't the focus....not one...

Mek2

I still hang around with the same people I was 80 days ago when I quit. I told myself that this is about fixing me. Although they drink, they are supportive of my wellness. If they weren't then the story would be different.

Dee74

I stayed away from events where there would be drinking for a long while...I didn't go back until I knew I would not be tempted or swayed, not by anything or anyone.

I never went back to my drinking buds cos there was only ever one reason we got together.

Summers a fair way off for you Rove...you're probably better focusing on the now I think?

D

Amajorityofone

Not only are all my drinking "buddies" looooooong gone, but I have absolutely no desire to see them again, either. Remember this. A true friend will be just as happy to eat dinner with you over a nice cold glass of water. If he's not, than he never was a true friend to begin with and you're better off without the phony.

True Story-

About two months into my sobriety I felt strong enough to take my son into my local watering hole for dinner. It's a family place that's fairly segregated so i felt comfortable staying on the "kids" side.

Before we left I decided to say hello to my old drinking buddies. I swear to God it looked like time had stood still. Every single one of them were in their usual seats drinking their usual beers.

I haven't been back since. That was sixteen months ago.

rove27

Those are the friends that I am referring to, the ones that revolve around drinking, because come to think of it, we never hungout without booze.....I may have to reevaluate the friendships....

BrentSC

On previous attempts, drinking buddies were the ones who usually convinced me to start drinking again. Nearly all of my drinking buddies have drinking problems that surpass mine in severity.

I think most people who have issues with alcohol must constantly rationalize why it's not problematic to continue drinking and taking risks. After a few weeks of sobriety, my internal rationalization makes it very difficult to stay on track. If I mention my attempt at sobriety to drinking buddies with similar problems, it's going to require them to analyze their own habits which will put them on the defensive front. This will cause them to rationalize their behavior to me. This is often very convincing because it's coming from someone in a nearly identical situation who constantly has to find reasons to justify alcohol abuse.

Although the reasoning is typically flawed, it's usually enough to throw me over the edge and convince me that I was just overreacting. So, I plan to avoid all drinking buddies as much as possible for a long while, if not forever. It's very tempting to convince myself that I can just go hang out at a bar with friends and not drink, but I know from experience how this will end up. I feel your pain on the weekends spent alone with no idea what to do since you've spent years drinking with the same friends every weekend for entertainment.

aaronraguse

I know the feeling, HARD!!!!!