Aellyce

I've been sober for... not long, just a bit over a month, starting early January 2014. One area where I'm struggling (apart from carvings) is where it would be best to focus my new sober energies. Work? Personal relationships? New friends? New activities/inventions? SR? More introspection? Fixing old problems?

I recognize that some of this touches on the classic 12-step pathway, no problems with finding value in that. Just a little out of focus today I guess...

Anyhow, I'll go to bed soon and try to sleep Thanks all of you for being here; I love SR in so many ways

Gakx

Good question. For me, I have to stay busy with absolutely no free time. If you are still having some strong cravings, you might want to focus on your sobriety a little further until it subsides a bit. I know that it is hard to concentrate on some areas when you have the constant AV whispering (or screaming in my case) in your ear.

I think you should choose the one that weighs heaviest on your heart. It will really help you to maintain your sobriety to take care of the biggest burden. Soon enough you will start to tackle each area and get things squared away.

Dee74

Hi Haennie

I'm not sure I planned it this way, but I focused on personal development - I wanted to be the best me I could be.

Still a work in progress, of course, but I found once I knew myself, everything else fell into place behind that

D

least

I focused on how much better my life would be sober. I had a lot of cravings to drink early in recovery so I would focus on how staying sober would benefit me.

Aellyce

Yes I still have a lot of cravings. Better than the first two weeks, but not that much better yet. Sometimes I am not sure what's best: to focus more on trying out / incorporating more methods to handle or possibly eliminate these cravings, or the opposite, intentionally distract my mind. So for now I mainly handle them by observing them as calmly as I can. I don't want to dissociate my mind from the cravings completely because sometimes they lead me to pretty interesting realizations (what I am craving really... as alcohol was just a substitute).

Personal development: very definitely, that has always been an area very dear to my mind and heart even while drinking or in my youth. In this regard, I feel that at this point a more constructive task for me is actually NOT thinking too much and constant introspection (I've been doing that in my whole life..), but ACTION. Just often I tend to fall back into over-thinking and over-analyzing and stop implementing my ideas. These are my major slips at the moment... well guess I can say it's a step ahead because at least it's booze-free, for now I believe the current indecisiveness is also related to this: in my mind I see too many possibilities that each could be interesting and potentially beneficial in many ways, and am often unsure how to choose between them. I actually like what Gakx suggested, to focus on what's heaviest on my heart... not just what's practically important such as not giving in to the cravings, but also what's most important for my emotional needs. In THIS department I still can use quite some introspection since I have avoided this since childhood... and then, like many of us, numbed myself with alcohol. So in this regard I definitely need some personal development because in some ways I feel that emotionally I'm still like a kid.

Thanks guys, some good suggestions here!

Marcher13

Haennie, early in recovery SR was my lifeboat, I hung on for dear life reading and learning. I changed my routine to accommodate not drinking and kept busy, I got a lot of sleep -- I spent weeks in that pattern and it gave me a solid start. Good luck, I'll watch your journey with interest.

Aellyce

Hi Marcher - thanks; just read through some of your older posts - like

Haha on the "lifeboat" - I know pretty confidently that if I did not find SR, I would most likely still be in my very very crazy virtual interaction habits, most likely coupled with drinking, like it was for many years before 2014. This is my first lifeboat that's not shaking and sinking constantly, so yeah

Oldselfagain

Introspection for me. As I've gone through this sober journey things that once were very important to be, or certainly taking up a lot of my mind space, are no longer important. These were generally superficial and "shiny" things. I now am developing a much deeper appreciation of what I would consider the more important things in life...friendships, knowledge, spirituality, peace of mind, etc.

When drinking I was more vulnerable to external circumstances affecting my moods and happiness. That is no longer the case now that I choose to no longer drink.

Aellyce

Oldselfagain - I often feel I'm walking just the opposite journey to what you have described here... "friendships, knowledge, spirituality, peace of mind, etc." have always been the most important things and priorities for me as far as I remember... And me, when I was drinking I was most vulnerable to my internal critic, far more than anything else, I actually often shut the external world down... but tended to project my feelings into the external world...

I actually think that I might benefit a little from the more "superficial" and "shiny" aspects of life... Just have more fun now, again, sober. My past several years have been heavy... not just with drinking but also heavy with endless introspection, self analysis, analyses of everything and everyone really... honestly feel I deserve some sort of break. But not a passive break for sure

IOAA2

After about two years of undisciplined struggling in AA I got to the point of being sick of the same old same old and started to follow directions from the old timers and got immersed in the program. Fortunately I had a lot of time which was directed into being a active member which made recovery easier at the time which the word internet was unheard of.
Being active kept me in touch with many newcomers along with oldtimers sharing their strength and hopes along with a lot of learning about me by way of identifying with others who shared their backgrounds.
It came rather slowly but one day I recognized as time went by I was more comfortable in my own skin which alleviated many of my drinking triggers. That I figure is the reason I have not had a desire to drink in many years.

BE WELL

doggonecarl

When I first came to SR, with about 24 days sober, my first question was "How come all of the stuff I put off because of my drinking isn't getting done now that I'm sober?"

Wise heads, such as Dee and others, told me to be patient, to focus on my recovery and give my body and psyche time to heal.

You've got a month sober. That's early in recovery. I suggest you keep your energies there, focused on the prize--long-term sobriety. Now how you do that is up to you. For some it's a active program of recovery. Others have found their own path for addressing the problems of their alcoholism and addiction, for maintaining a healthy mind and body.

It doesn't have to be AA to be recovery. Prayer, meditation, gratitude, giving of ones time and energy volunteering, self-development, journaling, reading and posting to SR, etc, but always with the mindset that they are working on their their recovery, striving to stay sober.

Good luck.

LeeD82

Sport is a good one.

Not only does it focus body and mind, once you get into something, you simply don't want to drink because it worsens your performance.

It's like being competitive with yourself. Although, I suppose this could be applied to professional life too. Get into work early, put the extra yards in. Step ahead of those around you. It'll feel good. You won't want to go back.

Amajorityofone

I would encourage you to start maximizing your days.

After 18 months of 100% sobriety, one of the most gratifying parts of my day is when I go to bed. I am usually very tired. For I get up early, become active, and remain active throughout the day. Thus, I cannot encourage you enough to start moving!

When you have free time go for a nice long walk. Take a trip to the library or bookstore and browse around. Join a gym or a flag football team. Coach a young boys basketball and baseball team. Teach an inner city kid how to read. Volunteer. Become a youth pastor.

Above all, just start moving and see where the path leads you.

Aellyce

Thanks, Doggonecarl...really no problem there...

well part of my problem is also related to reporting... in a professional sense. But I guess this goes beyond SR's principles...

Thanks very much, guys, again very helpful!

Aellyce

Yes all these physical things

I joined a gym. Right now mainly yoga classes (that I love) and running. I love running in the park when the weather is good, also on the treadmill.

And the elliptical!! Anyone else getting obsessed with the elliptical?
Sorry

I am in the library already all the time, but yeah do the same thing all over: run in the park and browse in the book store since they are on the same route in my routine

Threshold

I focused on not drinking/using no matter what. Doing the next right thing (not shirking responsibilities) and working my recovery program without trying to over analyze it. Remembering that people do recover and I would too.

Gakx

haennie, yes, the elliptical becomes a must. I know they say to change your workout up every so often but I find it enjoyable and feel like I'm burning a lot of calories. I understand the obsession with it.

Marcher13

Thank you Haennie, that's quite made my Friday morning.

Anna

For me, balance has been, and continues to be, the key to my recovery.

When I am off-balance in one area or another of my life, I suffer for it, so routine and staying balanced works for me.

Congratulations on your recovery!

Aellyce

Thanks, Anna. Yes, balance... will need that in the coming days The most interesting feature of the coming days for me will be seeing my father. Haven't seen him in ~5 years. He is 83 years old.