Weasel1966

I was a simple kid.

Love to me was my mothers hug or a kind word.

Hate to me was my drunk father's fist ... "You worthless piece of sh!t!!!"

They balanced themselves out it seemed.

Years later...

Love was a peck on the cheek or a touch that never happened.

Hate was now within. My addictive voice ... "You worthless piece of sh!t!!!"

Love and hate no longer came from outside... They came from within.

I had to learn to love myself while trying to see the switches that made me hate myself.

Too damn complex.

There is a name for the balance between love and hate.

I call it "sobriety".

Love is a day on the cloud. Floating between everything I forgot I knew.

Hate is a day in the trenches. Trying not to get my head shot off seeing if the coast was clear. Hiding.

Not everything need hang in the balance.

Sobriety is neither love or hate.

For me it's become just a place to be.

soberjim

Hey..Ken....

You are ...very ..special...
Your posts always say so much...

Jim

Gilmer

You always make me look forward to the weekends!

I'm glad there's not so much hate plaguing you--I'm glad that things are settling to a nice equilbrium.

Fandy

You have built a solid foundation in the balance....it upsets me that you were harmed as a child and it manifested into self abuse.

we treasure you here..you give back easily and help so many others. (and you have a salt lamp).

LadyinBC

We love you Ken!

Weasel1966

Miss Fandy... Take the gun.... Leave the salt lamp.

Weasel1966

Thank you Jim... Gilmer... Fandy... Lady... SR!!!

Having a very bad case of loneliness today.

Things are getting better. Much... I mean a lot has changed. I am just trying to surf the adjustment to it all.

Thanks for being there...

Ken

Marcher13

Thanks for sharing that Ken, it leaves much to ponder.

Jeni26

Hi Ken. Love you

Hevyn

I'd like to send you some love too Ken - and I agree with Fandy, you are a treasure.

Gilmer

I think loneliness is going around. There are quite a few people who are really hit by it lately. You are definitely not alone!

soberclover

I think, too, it is the time of year. I'm totally sick of the cold and the gray sky. I think Maine received some yuck weather today too. I have to remind myself to not let the winter blues kick my butt. Stay strong with your sobriety....you are worth it!!!!!!

Fandy

I get lonely too, I think we all do, but we know the better way to deal with it until we get out of the rut...

4 years ago, I would be drunk by now, I mean it IS 7 PM! now I am chugging along doing stuff and I don't even have a kitchen.

Ken, I have found out that 2 of my other real life friends (and contractor) also have salt lamps! why did I NOT know this? Lauren is responsible for showing me hers, that I had to buy a big one for an Xmas gift for my daughter..... (those amazonians have everything)

Hope4Life

Great post , Ken! Glad to see you are doing better.

Impurrfect

Ken - I'm so sorry you had to deal with abuse from your dad when you were younger.

I just want to say that I've read so many of your posts, here, and you are ALWAYS an inspiration to me.

I've seen you post in desparation, I've seen you post when you're tip-toeing around cloud 9. Having been in both positions myself? It's a HUGE relief to know I'm not alone.

Not to mention you love cats - that makes you an automatic winner in my book

Love, hugs and prayers,

Amy

wehav2day

Ken nice post, so very thoughtful. Keep fighting the good fight, you will come out on top.

You are awesome!!

Olive1

Weasel, the Wise.

Pondlady

Ken, Hoping tomorrow you feel less lonely...you know we love you here

silentrun

Good to hear from you again Weasel. I always love your posts.

Nonsensical

You are without a doubt one of the reasons I am sober today. Any trench any time.

Be well.