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Old 06-23-2004, 11:41 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Most of the time, I was hungover when I would tell myself that I need to stop doing this to myself. That I needed to break the cycle, because it was destroying me. I told that to myself over and over and over. You probably have too, lots of times.
Remember those times, of telling yourself that. You were right. You have to break the cycle.
Hang in there! Keep checking back here. We're here for you
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Old 06-23-2004, 11:47 PM   #22 (permalink)
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dude i am just so tired o feel like i am freakin' out. i am sure that i am doing what is right but it feels so horribly wrong. i went on the NA site and found some meetings neer here but i am not so sure that i should be going. i don't know anyone there and i would feel wierd. i don't know the differences in the open, or discussion, step meetings and there is a beginners but it is not in my town. its only a couple streets over but is in a different town and is that ok and does everybody stare at you and what if they look at me all funny and stuff cuz i haven't slept and look all bustid. i am scared. what to do man? Erika
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Old 06-23-2004, 11:50 PM   #23 (permalink)
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oh and do i go to NA or to AA as well and what does closed addicts onley meen? just the addicts there? onley if you are using now? how do you become a new person there if it is a closed meeting?
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Old 06-24-2004, 01:02 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Hi Erica

JC here alcoholic.

Is there a phone number to call.?? That's what I did with the AA. I was a bit nervous about calling, I didn't know what to expect. Who would be on the other end of the phone.?? In fact it was a really pleasant, normal, amusing guy. There was meeting that night and he asked me to meet him for half an hour before the meeting. We sat on the steps outside the meeting place for a while just me and him, and he chatted away and put me totally at ease.

Whatever the meeting, open, closed or step, you will always be welcome straight away if you have a problem with Alcohol or Drugs.

Give them a call, you will be really pleasantly surprised. I was.

Great decision.... go for it.

much love

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Old 06-24-2004, 01:21 AM   #25 (permalink)
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thanks i am gonna do it right now Erika
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Old 06-24-2004, 01:27 AM   #26 (permalink)
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OMG it is just an automated voice mail. well that does not help at all. now what do i do? where am i supposed to go? i can't sleep i am hearing stuff all around me and all i get is a machine. dude what the hell am i supposed to do man i am scared
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Old 06-24-2004, 01:47 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Hi Erika

If you are feeling really unwell, then call your doctor, or the hospital. If you are withdrawing from alcohol it is a very good idea to talk to, or see a doctor. They will be able to help you with your withdrawal. I went to see mine and she was great. They will help straight away, and you need to be very honest with them so they can give you all the help you need.

much love

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Old 06-24-2004, 02:00 AM   #28 (permalink)
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well i would but i don't have a doctor and calling the hospital only get me put in. i hate those stays i come out more messed up than when i whent in. i do have some meds that i got to put me to sleep when i use to see a psych. but thne i figured out they were just trying to sedate me and not help me and now i am stuck with a crap load of sedatives but i am worried about this whole addict thing. if i take one now will i become dependant on it. dude i haven't even been able to take an asprin in the last couple of days since i found out my pain meds were addictive as well for fear of letting go of one to hook onto another nad will that lead to this and dude i just don't know what to do. i am just trying to keep busy reading posts and such for the moment. one minute of reading is one minute i am not hearing stuff or thinking stuff ya know. i know ya'll said it won't be easy but dag gone man i am goin' threw some changes 'round here. i am laughing then crying then stareing of into space dude feeling really unwell is the understatement of the year for me but i really appreciate you talking with me man. ummm why are you up at 5 am? if i may ask.
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Old 06-24-2004, 02:10 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Hi Erika

I'm in England, it's 10 AM here.

You are going through exactly what I went through, and you know what..... it goes away. I know what you are experiencing, I've been there many times. Hang on in there, it will pass. Keeping busy is exactly what I did, especially in the night when I couldn't sleep. Baths, reading, computer, cooking, and always first at the newspaper shop to buy a newspaper and chocolate. :elephant

Hang in there - and call that number again when you think some people will be up and awake. Just chatting to someone will make you feel a whole lot better. Call it and leave a message. Someone will be back to you shortly - I can guarantee that.

much love

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Old 06-24-2004, 02:31 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Hey JC man wow i feel like 1000% better. somebody just called me back and talked to me in person. invited me to a meeting thurs.-today in america don't know what day you are on over in your country. that is so cool you are in another country and still have the same things go on like we do here. CHOCOLATE man i have been wanting some chocolate for days now. anyway dude i told him i will go today at noon to where they are meeting at a church. my first NA meeting wow. did you feel nervous? well anyway there's another one at 8 pm he says just incase i fall asleep now that i have gotton a little rest to my mind.he even said he went through the same things like you and i. feelin' all wierded out and stuff, ya know man i bet you talk with that really cool accent too so when i read your posts i will read it in your accent. thank you for your help talking me through stuff ya'll are just the best here. ya'll really DO understand and don't get like all mad and stuff. wow i just feel like so good right now like nothin' can stop me. hope i can keep it up. thanks again Erika
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Old 06-24-2004, 10:19 AM   #31 (permalink)
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So glad you are going to a meeting. I pray that you feel a connection right away. For me it was like finally coming home....and I was not alone.

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Old 06-24-2004, 10:20 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Erika,
Girl, you are cracking me up! How does one read with a British accent anyway? LOL. You DO sound 1000% better. Did you make it to the meeting? How'd it go? I hope you are feeling as good as you seemed to in your last post. NA rocks, by the way!!
Love, Eddie
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Old 06-24-2004, 01:00 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Erika, been wondering about you.........just like the rest of the great people here! !

Hoping you will check in an give us an update!

Tom
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Old 06-24-2004, 05:29 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Hi Erika :stups: Just poking my head in to see how your feeling. Hope all is well!!

Talia
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Old 06-24-2004, 09:21 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Well hi ya'll. ummm i don't know but i think you can read in british even if you'r not or australian or what ever else 'cuz you know what it is supposed to sound like so you make it sound like it when your reading. ok maybe it's just me and i have some sort of major malfunction going on inside other than the obvious of course.
ok here's the thing dudes ok oh and thanks for like being concerned that is really neet how you guys really care about each other. ok wondering thoughts but i am here, kinda actually have not been for some time now but that's a whole other thang there.
ok here's whut i was gonna say i missed the meeting because i actually fell so asleep after i got to talk to that guy on the phone when he called me back from the NA hot line and i felt sooo much better to talk to a human being that everything is ok.
BUT....i did go to the one that was at 8PM yes yes yes pat on my back i am proud i did it althoug i almost did not i got really scared when i got there and there was like 50 people and then there were some people outside smoking and they were just stareing at me and so i walked away then i called my little brother 18yrs old. never touched anything thank god, and i was crying all frustrated but he just said to me to remember what my new friends told me online and that i could do it. so i walked back up there when to go inside and froze. walked back out to my truck picked up my phone to call my dope man and then here comes some guy walking over to me hugged me and held my hand all the way inside. even sat next to me. when it was my turn to say who i was i just waved. all those people man good god. well the whole point of it was that i was bored to tears by the guys monotone voice people were walking in and out and i was wishing i was back here talking to people who actually give me hope and something to look forward to. i will try again tomorrow at another place and maybe it will be better. 10 hrs and 45 min. 'till my drug test. awe man i have been rambelling on for ever sorry i was just excited. OH i got a whit key chain thing. not sure what that's all about but your supposed to do something with them as you go but i got one anyway. erika
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Old 06-24-2004, 09:37 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Great job, Erika!!

Glad you're back safe and sound, sort of, right? And glad you finally got some sleep AND a meeting! Here's a kind of a kitten with wings:
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Old 06-24-2004, 10:39 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Wow! Glad you made it to the meeting Erika. And its good that you remember that no matter what happens, you can turn to your friends here and get TONS of love and support - no matter what!
There is good in this world we cannot see. People call it God, people call it Higher Power - sounds like it was looking out for you.
It was looking out for me too. On the way to my first meeting (yesterday), my car battery was completely dead - car didn't start... not even a contact 'click'.. but it started on the third turn of the key. My clock had reset, and my battery had found power from somewhere. Maybe there's a reasonable explanation - I just cant think of one.
Anyhow, I'm not going to harp on the God thing. I feel strongly about spirituality, and would be more than willing to share why. My faith isn't blind.
Anyhow, sorry to get off track - I can't keep my mouth shut in meetings either. I've been to 3 so far (2 today) and I babble on at every one. So far no one has gotten pissed off at me, but methinks its only a matter of time.
Hang in there sweetie. I too, keep checking back to see how you're doing.
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Old 06-25-2004, 09:56 AM   #38 (permalink)
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Erika, It takes courage to do what you did! CONGRATS! ! !

All meetings are a bit different, check out several, and I'm sure you will relate to some better than others. The meetings saved my life........

Keep it up, you will never regret it!

Tom
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Old 06-25-2004, 10:42 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Erika

Well done. Great news. Let us know how the next one is. It will be easier.

much love

JC
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Old 06-25-2004, 11:45 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Erika-
You are sooooo great!

And just to help you get an idea of why - maybe - you didn't find yourself able to listen to too much at your first meeting... well, I hear people talk at meetings allllll the time about how at their first NA meeting (and even their first few) they were still so in pain, so distracted because of the turmoil their bodies were still in, so anxious, so mind-wander-y, so WHATEVER... that the only thing that impacted them was - say - ONE SENTENCE they heard... or i your case, the fact that one person reached out to you and gave you the support you needed to get you through the door even with your fear! I got a chill when you described what happened on your way to the meeting... Getting scared, leaving, calling your little brother - Yay! Little brother!!!! , getting there again, wanting to leave and somehow, somebody felt your fear and your pain and they came to YOU! You were in the right place, and if that is ALL that you got out of your first meeting, well, that was enough!

Congrats on the white Keytag... the keytag system is kind of a way of recognizing "milestones" in our recovery as we go along... we take a white one when we are celebrating our first day clean... white is the international color of SURRENDER... we are surrendering to our disease and asking to stop the fighting and to embrace recovery. Next one you could claim if you keep puttin days together (and you CAN!) is the 30 day keytag which is orange. After that comes 60 days, 90 days, 6 months, 9 months, 1 YEAR, 18 months, and then multiple years... when you get to the years part it is a coin that you can get... for some people those first few months those keytags were what gave them the strength to get through the really tough days... I've heard people share in meetings that they almost used... but they wanted to make it to that keytag... and hey - maybe not the most spiritual reason to not use, but WHATEVER IT TAKES!

So, it isn't a big deal that you heard little at your first meeting... you reached out, you got something in return, and you stayed CLEAN! You are GREAT!

I hope you feel as proud of yourself as we all do - you were in so much pain over that evening... it was amazing that you called that hotline and left a message... and you got a call back and things just keep getting better... FREEDOM FROM ACTIVE ADDICTION can happen for you! I am glad you have a good brother who is being supportive... getting some space from mom will only help right now.

We are here for you! Are you going to hit a meeting today too?

much love to you! amandalee
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