blackdestiny

Obviously it isn't going to change overnight... I may wish it could but also I know that that would not be fair or right. He's put up with more than a lot of people would deal with... I'm lucky. I'm lucky he's even speaking to me. It's just so hard, again, with no touching involved. I'm such a hugger and cuddler. but not even just that. going from getting along to being so distant. knowing ive changed and worsened so much and may have already lost what matters so much

ReadyAtLast

But if you think he's texting women/talking to women you obviously don't trust him .I don't know if it's justified or not but I still think you need to work on you.Concentrate your energies on working on you, your self esteem/self worth,security etc.When he's ok with you again it won't solve anything about you .You still need to work on you and not be reliant or dependant on a man for your self worth and happiness.

Nicecupoftea

@blackdestiny - I empathise with the situation you're in right now as I've been going through the same thing with my husband since my last disastrous binge session last weekend, where I was really horrible to him. He blanked me for 2 days, which was soul-destroying, and when he did finally speak to me it was to say that he was on the brink of walking out on me, how angry and disappointed he was with me, and that if we weren't married I'd have lost him.

Thankfully, over these 2 silent days, I'd found this website and read a lot of comments and thoughts from people in similar situations, and after a lot of thought I knew the ONLY option for me was to quit drinking altogether as I would never be able to control/moderate my binge sessions forever. The Jekyll and Hyde person I become when drunk would only ever be lurking under the surface and never be fully gone as long as there was even a 1% chance of me binging again. By removing alcohol from my life completely there's now a 0% chance of this happening again, which is such a relief and a weight off my shoulders.

I'm giving you all this background because after the 2 days' silence I came back from work and sat straight down and told him all my thoughts and feelings, and about this brilliant website, and the conclusions I'd come to - I had to admit (although it was very difficult and embarrassing) that I was an alcoholic in so much as I can't control my drinking once I've started, and that's a HUGE first step - admitting you have a problem with drink. I told him that I never wanted to put us in that situation again for the sake of our relationship and that the only way to do this was to stop drinking, forever. I told him that if I had to choose between him or booze that I'd choose him every time, and that our relationship was more important to me than anything else. I think giving up alcohol is a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things, and only positive things can come out of giving up. Life will be happier, clearer, more energetic, more fulfilling, more in control, more to look forward to, and imagine never having a hangover or blacking out again - wouldn't that be wonderful?! And all it takes is stopping drinking - so simple really!

So blackdestiny, I guess I saying perhaps instead of avoiding the topic and pretending like nothing's happened, you might want to consider facing up to what you've done and be honest with your BF, tell him your worries, feelings and thoughts about what you should do, and reassure him that you've never meant to hurt him and that he means the world to you. You may not want to ask him for help outright, but you might suggest that you'd appreciate his support to help get your life back on track. My husband has offered to give up alcohol too in order to support me, which will be a tremendous help, especially when we're out with friends, but just knowing someone's on your side will help you feel a lot stronger and more positive about the future.

Even if you feel you can't confide in your BF then you're not alone - everyone on this forum is here to support and listen to you, so keep posting, sharing your thoughts, and take each day as it comes. Every sober, hangover-free day will make you appreciate how great life is without alcohol, and hopefully you'll always want to feel this great and stick with it! We can do it!

Ruby2

You can't undo what has been done. You can only learn from it and move in a positive direction.

For yourself, take a deep breath and take a big step back from this. When I freak out about someone or some situation that is causing me discomfort for fear of what might happen I start over analyzing everything. What does this sigh mean? Or what does this action mean? Why did he, or she or they do this or that? What do I do what do I do? The thought start chasing themselves around in my head and I panic and generally do something stupid or unwise. It makes me crazy and prone to actions that will only cause me more hurt because it will lead to even more thinking and spazzing out. It is a vicious circle. If I can step back, take a deep breath, pause for a while and give myself time I will generally get a clearer picture of what is going on.easier said than done. It is hard but when blind panic hits, people generally run in the wrong direction.

EverySngleNight

This is such a tough one. The times that I felt so vulnerable and needy in past relationships- they turned out to be really unhealthy for me. It's easy to say focus on you and put yourself first- but I remember what it's like, especially in my early 20's. Honestly, I wouldn't want to relive that era of my life, not even for the youth. I don't know if anyone relates with me here- but, it was really difficult. That's why I wish I could bottle and sell RAL's comment. I know how many bumps, bruises, and scars it takes to get to that place. I don't know if anyone gets there on a rainbow- you know? Maybe you'll pick things up faster than I did! :-)

You really are not alone. We all share a lot of the same struggles. I'm glad you're here and can get the wisdom of those who have come before you. I hope you have a better day today. And, good luck on your interview!

Stay strong!!

blackdestiny

this morning, we were nagged by the lady that owns the house we're living in. he had work at 8:30 am but she'd been bugging us to get up since before 6... we were both irritated but i made coffee and cooked us breakfast. she then gave him a ride to work and i tagged along to handle the dogs. he gave me a hug before getting in the car and then again before leaving, then texted me to say he loves me and promises we'll do something fun this weekend. so i'm feeling a little better now...

blackdestiny

I'm freaking out again. So, I got the job but that lady I mentioned nagged us all day long and made us do whatever she wanted to do. Then later ge went to band practice and I warned him that buses stop running at 1am but he missed the last one and is just telling me they're still practicing and that hes a resourseful dude and will be fine. i told him i just cared and he said, can you not? and wont even respond to my "i love you". im just lying in bed bawling. before my interview he kissed me. but the other night we kind of argued because i didnt understand why he wouldn't cuddle when hed wrapped his arm around me earlier that morning. i guess he was asleep-cuddling... i just dont know what to do. we get along and then this awkward distance thing comes into play and i just start to wonder if hes hiding skmething or if its just my parnoia... im trying really hard

blackdestiny

i told him i loved him two separate times and got nothing so i told him that i was panicking and he asked why... i said because usually he's more interactive and reciprocates... meanwhile I'm having a cystuc acne outbreak on my chin and don't know how to treat it effectively without spending a ton of money i dont have. and also a yeast infection now too. im just so uncomfortable... its hard to work on appreciating nyself with so many negatives...