zoey09

Alone. It's Family Day and I feel like there's maybe a handful of people who give a **** about me, but today I don't even feel like they do. This is one of my biggest triggers and I'm craving comfort, familiarity, numbness all of which a trip to the liquor store or a phone call to get my DOC which would provide. (Not going to - but it has crossed my mind today)

Angry. At myself. I've been struggling with addictions since I was a teen. This is honestly insane that I keep doing this to myself. I've had friends pass away from this, I've had even more get better and move forward. Yet I'm still stuck in this same spot. I make progress then slip. Same cycle over and over again. I read a journal entry I made back in early 2012 and it could have been written today.... No major progress. Sometimes I think I'd rather be dead then continuing to live this life.

Anyways sorry that was kind of heavy, and came across as a whiney "why me" kind of rant. I hold it in most of the time, and instead of talking to someone about it it builds and I relapse. I know it's up to me to move forward, but I'm having a hard time with things right now.

Thanks for listening : )

Dee74

Hi Zoey

I'm sorry you feel alone today, but you're really not - you have a lot of people who'll respond to you here

Whether or not you feel you've made progress today, the fact is you have. You;re reaching out for help instead of impulsively drinking.

That's a step forward in my book. It suggests to me that even tho you slipped recently you did in fact learn from it.

Don't beat yourself up...and don't listen to the AV.

It lies.

It just wants a drink and it will say anything it thinks will make you go and get it one.

Tell it to buzz off


D

Nonsensical

Getting out in front of it to prevent a relapse - looks like progress. That's what it's all about.

Whine, complain, vent, whatever. We all have to fight it ourselves, but no one has to fight it alone.

deeker

Hi zoey09 I was happy to see you check into the 24 hour club. Try to get out of yourself by reading other threads. Why don't you join the Feb class if you have not already. I think you will feel better if you do. Sometimes when we first get clean and sober we expect everyone to take notice but we have to remember our families are dealing in their own way.

I know I did a lot of damage in my family and a few weeks of sobriety was not gonna make it all disappear. Be patient with yourself and them and just take it one day at a time. WE have to learn to walk through those feelings and not escape them. You can do this zoey09!

Keep sharing, encourage someone else it will take you out of yourself.

least

Four days is very early. You will start to feel better physically soon, then you might have more energy to tackle any emotional issues.

LonelyShadow

Try not to beat yourself up too much, it's good that you know you want to stop, and you say you make progress then slip? Many, many others do, it's still progress and it's a learning process, so don't give up on yourself, you're still doing great

Hope you feel better soon

Mrrryah1

Hi Zoey. You have no idea how similar I feel to you right now. The journal entry and everything. Could have been a post written by me. Just know you're not alone. I'm on day one and getting back on the horse. Let's do this. <3

zoey09

Thanks all. Four days is very early... and probably the reason I'm so all over the place and emotional right now.

Yes I've made progress, when I think about it, but it's been baby steps. I thought at age 26 I would be well past this. The party scene ended a few years ago, and the last few years have been less then stellar.

Dee74

I was nearly 40 when I quit - you're doing ok Zoey

D

zoey09

Better late than never, right? Thanks for the replies everyone, it means a lot. I think a good nights sleep sounds like a great idea for me, goodnight y'all.

deeker

sleep well nitey nite

2muchpain

I don't know why, but I always had problems on the 4th day. But if I manage to make it through that day, things started improving a lot. Hang in there. You can do this!

neferkamichael

Zoey09,, day 4 is FANTASTIC, congratulations. I was angry before I quit, angry in the beginnings of sobriety, and 3 years 7 months sober just beginning to understand anger learn how to deal with it. Gettin it out, talking about it is a good thing, keep it up, stay positive the best ya can. Rootin for ya.

Bruce292

Thanks for posting. Progress can be slow. There have been many times in my life where I thought that continuing wasn't an option. I've since learned that it's the only option. Each of us is a miracle. We're the matter that woke up! Abstract I realize but that's the kind of thinking I'm stuck with.

You have no need to be sorry and you're not being whiney ... or ranting. I think it's great you let it out.

Again, Thank you for posting .. and thank you for listening