Lost
 

Greetings dear readers. I have lurked here many months until registering and decided to jump in feet first. I guess I should give some background, but I'll try not to write a novel.


In 2006 I lost my Mother, she was the only family I had left. I was in my forties then , was divorced and moved back in with her. She had a serious heart condition that kept us on edge every day that rolled around. On December 25, 2005 my Mom had her 81st birthday and by New Year's Day she had passed away from a blood clot. I had no one. Well I had some friends, but no family. She was my world, my reason for living. The fire that warmed my heart.


After her funeral me and my cats would just sit. I wouldn't eat. I lost weight until I was truly too thin. And then I bought a bottle of wine. I'd have one or two glasses and that'd be it for a few days. It wasn't a recurrent thing. At that time anyway. A month later I met a man. Within six months I had done all those things people tell you not to do after a tragedy. I quit my job. I moved from my city into the country. I sold my house. After he and I got married I became a piece of furniture. I had never known such indifference before. I saw him maybe thirty minutes a day and we were supposedly in the honeymoon stage.


That was when I began to drink in earnest. In the morning. Sometimes at lunch. Always in the evening. Every day. Wine kept me company. Wine watched TV with me. Wine tucked me in at night when there was no one else. I was alone in this new marriage and felt as if there had been another death. And to be honest I drank before work. I'd buy wine on my lunch hour to have it when I got home. But of course all that escalated over time.

It's now seven years later and I am lost. I now acknowledge I have a problem. I know I need to stop. Two years ago I got hooked on Opiates for pain and drank at the same time. I'm lucky I'm not dead from 'chasing the dragon', as they say. There are no words to describe an opiate addiction. I only know I haven't drank in a mere two days and already I am feeling like I'm in an opiate withdrawal haze. It's awful. I know if I can beat the pain killers I can beat this....I hope.

But I suppose I just needed some folks with like issues to talk to and draw from your strength. Well anyway, bless you if you read this and respond.

Truedark

:welcome

Can you not leave the marriage? You sound miserable in it.

Quitting drinking is hard at first but so worth it. I finally got sober over four years ago and it's a real blessing to live a sober life.

I hope the support you find here can help you stop drinking for good. :hug:

Hi True dark and welcome. This is a great place for support and education.
I might have misunderstood, are you quitting opiates and alcohol at the same time?

I did try to leave once a couple of years ago. We ended up talking instead of me leaving. I informed him I was in this marriage alone, and it doesn't work that way. I told him even, if he had of shown me more attention and affection I might not be this slobbering drunk I am now. But I know I decided to drink, it was my choice. But I did want to give him a rude awakening.

But whatever the circumstances were it's embarrassing to be a drunk. I mean really, never in a million years would I have thought I'd have this problem at my age. And thank you for the welcome, least.

Thank you for the welcome. I was on opiates for a year. Been off them for a year. Now I'm trying to delete the alcohol consumption.

Welcome Truedark. You're definitely not alone. We're all struggling here with one thing or another. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you'll stick around and keep reading and posting.

Thank you. It's at times like these we can feel so alone and wonder which way to turn.

Thanks Truedark,
Great job on kicking the opiates...don't beat yourself up about being drunk, you are doing so well with your first day, there is a Feburary group that you can share your daily successes and battles on this page or you can post here.
The marriage thing, that's a big one and I am sure that it will be no surprise to you that once you get sober everything will become clearer.
I stayed in a relationship for far too long solely because I was drinking...it messed me up so much that I didn't trust my decisions and I had underlying pervasive fear....Strength and clarity came when I sobered up. :01:

Welcome Truedark - you'll find a lot of understanding and encouragement here.
The first step to reclaiming my life, and myself, was to quit drinking.

You've come to a great place for that :)

D

It's great to meet you Truedark. You're among people who care.

My heart goes out to you for all you've been through. I can understand how you got there. I found myself in the same state in my 50's. That's when I reached out here and began to heal. You can do it.

Truedark you sound like you've had an awful time, sorry to hear it. You've done very well to realise you have a problem and wanting it to change. It's also good to recognise that you shouldn't be treated like that in a relationship, when you get sober it will be easier to fix that too, hope things get better soon!

Welcome Truedark, glad you are here

Thank you all for being so welcoming. It is most appreciated. This morning begins my third day without drink, but yet already thoughts are swirling around in my head about when can I get to a store to get wine. It's just not right to be thinking about booze at 6:30 in the freakin' morning.

O.o

welcome Truedark....

Maybe I'll refer to you as LightofTruth.... that seems to create a bit more positive intent. :)

But kidding aside this post you've made can be the tipping point, the turning point, the point of return, the point of creation, the point at which you finally are ready to move into the LIGHT of a better, happier, fuller life than ever you imagined.

I'm sorry that you find yourself in so dark a place and I wish you strength and conviction and peace as you climb out of it. Get yourself some 'in person' support if you can. AA / NA are great tools if you're open to them....

We're here for you and you don't have to live in darkness anymore.

:ring

Thank you so much FreeOwl. It is most comforting to be here as it is quite lonely on the darkside.

But I was also wondering if any of you had quit drinking cold turkey, like me, and what was the most bothersome withdraw symptom you had?

For me besides the constant nagging to have a drink is the shakes and the heart racing crap. I have read about Clonodine, but I am already on blood pressure meds, so can't do that. But oddly enough I found that over the counter sleep aids such as Tylenol PM helps. I mean just one tablet during the day, it just takes the edge off the shakes. But it's not powerful enough to make you sleepy though. It's not an answer but it helps some.

LOL, Tylenol PM is also somewhat helpful for Oxy withdrawal. Not a great deal, but a bit.